• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

What do you see and feel when you think of your trauma?

Status
Not open for further replies.
I feel an absolute helplessness, trapped, in shock, a welling of terror and preparation in the core of my torso area. Joints and jaw lock. My mind seperates. All I can think of is surviving or dying. I engage in a pessimistic despair that kept me alive when I had no control. I think of the taste, smell, and feel of warm blood and dull aching pain. I obsess over death. I make friends with death. I wish for death. I fear not being able to see or breathe and I fear penetration.
When I come down from flashbacks like this I want to be alone for a long time. Bodily functions are triggering to me. I don't even like to be naked in the shower. I avoid small talk and people I don't like because I have zero patience. I'm tired. Basically, I'm a super impatient asshole. I get suicidal easily after whoppers like these. They just suck but it's really helped to tell myself they're just fragments from a time that no longer exists.
 
If you were asked “what do you see and feel when you think of your trauma,” what would you say?
I feel pressure on my back, head, and wrists. I feel scared and very emotional. I feel hands everywhere. I smell cherry pipe smoke. Sometimes I see the red blue and gray embroidery in the seats of a car. Sometimes I taste and feel dirt and blood. Hands are the biggest thing for me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top