What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[ms spock]

I feel a bit refreshed. I did training yesterday and I did some training this morning, and I had a nap this afternoon, and now I feel much better. I am ready to go to bed though.

 

[Changing4Best]

I am frustrated and angry about an old program / tape in my head that tells me that I am unwanted, undesirable, and unlovable. Sometimes it is difficult to shake that message off. I am hurt, angry and sad. But I'm determined to rise above this, with help from my support team.

I hate those old programs and tapes! They are lies. Don't believe them. Hang in there. Be strong, fight it! You are lovable and cherished.

 

[Lionheart]

You are lovable and cherished.

Awwwwww!!!!
THANK YOU!!!
:hug:'s

 

[intothelight]

Struggling with pain today and so ready for warmer weather. Pain wears you down, leaves you vulnerable and that is not my favorite place.

 

[Rani G2]

Shame

 

[MrMoonlight]

Better.
If I let myself though even for a second to think about P tears start to well up. I just can't go there and I won't, hard stop.

 

[ms spock]

I feel rested and refreshed. My yesterday afternoon nap really helped.

 

[Abstract]

confused sickened shameful

 

[ms spock]

exhausted beyond what I can do

 

[Changing4Best]

Feeling a bit stronger, still on antibiotics though. Drinking a lot of fluids....

 

[Rani G2]

Slightly empathetic.. I think..I don’t care much if others suffer...(It’s not felt in my heart, but I can grasp it cognitively?)

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

A big messy mix of tornadic thoughts and tornadic emotions, but much more so than usual.

Today is the day they take mom off of antibiotics and such to stop fighting her blood and skin infections aggressively, at her request, and switch her to the pain meds to hopefully make her comfortable until she can transition out of this life.

She said she wanted to make that decision so we don't have to, and we definitely respect her wishes. She said she's had a long full life doing what she wanted to do and living like this is miserable and she no longer has any quality of life. She's right...it's been awful seeing her suffer for so long, even before she had to leave her home. She deserves comfort after the hellish experiences she's been put through, all in the name of hell-th "care".

Not being able to be by her side is killing me on the inside, but trying to do so would likely land me a room in the hospital, too, so I have to stay away. I'm doing all the behind the scenes paperwork, phone calls, house stuff, etc. So grateful she's been able to maintain phone communication up until now with only brief periods of confusion. Trying not to let the lifelong ingrained guilt trips from hell consume me.

May she receive gentle compassionate care and nothing but comfort from now until she passes. This is so heavy and so hard to process. No matter how much one tries to prepare, it still hits the heart like a big mack truck. No matter how much we wish it weren't so, the most common side effect of life continues to be death.