Does sex drive ever return?

[willhealeventually]

Ptsd is my primary diagnosis, along with a laundry list of a few others. For the past decade my sex drive gradually disappeared. It has been completely gone for several years now and I am 50.
Has anyone ever come back from this complete lack of sex drive back to intimacy? I’m wondering if I can have a relationship again...

 

[somerandomguy]

Yes. But it is difficult and requires a lot of hard work. And I still have lots and lots of issues even after working hard on it for over a year. If I wasn't married, I probably wouldn't have bothered, to be honest.

 

[willhealeventually]

Yes. But it is difficult and requires a lot of hard work. And I still have lots and lots of issues even after working hard on it for over a year. If I wasn't married, I probably wouldn't have bothered, to be honest.

@somerandomguy it’s great that things have turned around for you. What kind of “work” did you need to do for it to get better, if you are comfortable answering?

 

[grit]

I find when I am in the midst of fight and flight my genitals are dead! I mean literally... I do not feel much... So I am becoming concious about it.

 

[somerandomguy]

My trauma is mostly sex-related, so the more I work through my trauma, the more I am able to be sexual. So nothing incredibly specific.

 

[Wendell_R]

I had a year a while back when my past trauma was bubbling up when I would be terrified of my wife and would dissociate during sex. For me, it wasn't that my sex drive went away, it was that being near Mrs. W terrified me and brought up fight/flight/freeze for me.

I'm considerably better these days. I think there were a lot of things that I had to work on--

• Learning to separate Mrs. W's exhaustion & anxiety from fears that I was the cause of that.
• Putting sex aside, and rebuilding intimacy, both emotional and physical. That meant talking more, telling her about what treatment was like. It also meant more non-sexual touch. Mrs. W doesn't like sex at night, so that is a time when we often give each other a brief back rub or the like.
• With my most adult side, just learning about sexuality with my therapist. That helped me replace what I had "learned" as a child with what I think as an adult.
• For me, I have had huge fears and abandonment issues about my mom. As I have created images of safe mothers in my head, that helped to make other women (like Mrs. W) not so frightening.
• Mrs. W is past menopause, and her lack of hormones doesn't help. Understanding that older sexuality can be about closeness and intimacy is a helpful attitude.

This is a long process, but it's been worthwhile. So many of us carry around a whole pile of thoughts of things that we associate with sex that don't really have much to do with sex or intimacy. Really knowing what associations are in our thoughts, and then slowly dismantling the ones that are not healthy is the slow path. I still have a ways to go!

 

[shatter eyes]

I am mid 30s and have no desire.
I think it is flight freeze response for me. Like my sexy fuse was blown when i got the tbi. Doc thinks it is a mix of tbi and ptsd and changes in nerves. I am not into even the idea of sex so masturbating or any thing sexual does not ring my bell.

I am in sex rehab through the hospital. My homework included things that i even get a giggle out of telling others. My doc wrote a script for porn.. didnt work.. listen to sexy music... nope.... visualize....cant too many memories from crash invade any visuals...nope... create an alter ego.... sort of worked until invasion of guilt flooded so nope... take a bath relax and go to bed and jerk off... nope... then doc said prostate stimulation. I asked what is that and she told me what it is. I was speechless and shocked after finding out what prostate stim is.

I get my homework every six weeks. We are finding ways to stimulate desire and reduce invasive thoughts.

Personally i suspect the nervous system is on alert and cannot relax for the sexy hormones and wiring firing take place. I know how it is to have zero drive and even when i try physically it still does not work.

I have to relearn my body and signals and sensation allover again. Having the drive return would be wonderful as it does affect my self esteem and worth.

 

[NicW]

I've tried a number of approaches to prostate stimulation as a result of ED. Some work, some no. Electro-stim.... not so much.

What does "I get my homework..." mean?

 

[Friday]

Something to keep in mind is that 4 of the most common causes of loss of sex drive are
- depression
- antidepressants
- sleep dep
- (unmanaged) stress : including physical stressors like malnutrition/dieting, chronic pain/injuries, etc.

If ANY of those 4 things are components in your life? It’s enough to completely tank your libido. All it takes is 1. Most people with active/symptomatic PTSD (as well as new parents and a host of other subgroups) have at least 3 of not 4.

 

[shatter eyes]

I've tried a number of approaches to prostate stimulation as a result of ED. Some work, some no. Electro-stim.... not so much.

What does "I get my homework..." mean?

I am in sex rehab and each visit i am given homework so i can report back how things went such as taking viagra and masturbating to see what happens because i have problems getting erections. The viagra did not work as expected but was delayed. When it finally worked i practiced masturB and at next rehab session was able to tell doc that i was able to physically have erection and orgasm but there was no emotional connection and enjoyable sensation. I pretty much choked my chicken until it puked. This gave the doc info that physically with medication i am able to erect and there is a psychological disconnect. I have been in rehab over a year now. I have tbi, diagnosed mdd and ptsd, and multiple herniated discs pressing on exit nerve roots from spinal cord.

The doc suspects having the nerves injured or irritated disrupts the signals and sensation from the penis. The depression, tbi, and altered nervous system response from ptsd has created barriers to a healthy sex drive for my age group. The homework doc gives me helps her try to tease apart what those barriers are. I guess they call it homework because i cannot be jrkn off during my appointment.

One of the homework i had was to wear a machine that recorded heart rate and such. They hooked me up at the hospital. Sent me home. Told me jrk off and remember to press the time stamp button so doc knows when i start and stop. The referral to sex rehab came from my urologist.
Heart rate response was normal and blood pressure oxygen was normal too... so we now know its likely emotional, nerves, and psychological

 

[NicW]

I live with MDD and PTSD (CSA) and have had disc herniations repaired and also have ED that is only responsive to TriMix. It's very difficult indeed.

Thank you for the response - I wish you luck in your recovery from a complex situation.

 

[shatter eyes]

I live with MDD and PTSD (CSA) and have had disc herniations repaired and also have ED that is only responsive to TriMix. It's very difficult indeed.

Thank you for the response - I wish you luck in your recovery from a complex situation.

Thank you to you too.
Can you share how you had your disc repaired as i know there are also other members here that have nerve/disc pains. How long were you affected and did your drive come back? Even a little?