Relationship Trying To a process

[lostforgottensoul]

If she in isolation mode chances are high she won't get it.

Ah! Brain isn't working. Sorry. I agree to let her be for the moment. There are many reasons to wait until she comes out of isolation to talk to her about this if you are going to. Isolation usually means sympothmatic and thats not the great of times to talk about possible broken boundries or understandings. Its best to do that not sympthomatic if possible. So, totally agreed to leave her be for now. Talk to her (if you are going to) when not sympthomatic.

 

[joeylittle]

Has she been diagnosed with PTSD? And is she in therapy?

She then starts yelling, telling me that she told me her problems weren’t about me, that she’s overwhelmed and she pulls away when she feels like she hurting someone, about how shes making me crazy because I’m making her problems my problems and that now she has to yell for anyone to understand this isn’t about them. She then apologizes for getting angry and yelling. I tell I don’t mind it ok to be angry.

This is something people can do - it's not unique to individuals with PTSD, or even individuals with past trauma.

 

[Tennisply13]

Yes she’s has been diagnosed and she is in therapy

 

[Tennisply13]

So we’ve been talking at work and we talked for but after as well. I said goodnight and I love her. She said it back quietly and gave me a tiny hug. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I’d like to have a conversation but she doesn’t talk or text me outside of work.

I don’t know if I should try and have a conversation about the boundaries we set being broken or still give her space as she is still isolated outside of work.

Thanks everyone for the advice

 

[LovingH]

This is hard. I have no advice really cuz i did not handle my situation well and would not wanna steer you wrong. At least you can take some comfort in the fact she still loves you.

 

[Tinyflame]

I wouldn't get in to that conversation now.

 

[anon1234]

I would wait for her to come to you.....

 

[Butterfly64]

So we’ve been talking at work and we talked for but after as well. I said goodnight and I love her. She said it back quietly and gave me a tiny hug. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I’d like to have a conversation but she doesn’t talk or text me outside of work.

I don’t know if I should try and have a conversation about the boundaries we set being broken or still give her space as she is still isolated outside of work.

Thanks everyone for the advice

Give her space and don’t push her...I did that for two years because I didn’t find this Forum until I broke it off with my ex. Me pushing him made it worse....made it impossible

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Isolation is typically when a PTSDer wants to be left alone but not always. I would take the quiet "I love you" and slight hug as she is still distanced from you and thus likely sympotmatic. Its always best to have a broken boundries convo in the calmest time possible. Thus not when symptomatic!

Allow her to come to you in this case and when she seems "back to normal" is when I would bring up broken boundries. You are still advising of likely symptomatic red flags to me.

 

[Freida]

Yes! What @lostforgottensoul said.
She will come back when (if) shes ready. Until then there is nothing you can do. If it helps -- I don't even realize my supporters are in the universe when I'm in that place. I just don't see them. Its not that I want to ignore them. Its just that ....they are invisible.

Isolation happens when even the slightest touch, word, emotion feels like it will make your entire body implode. All of my focus goes to just getting one foot in front of the other and doing the tasks I need to do. Sometimes those tasks involve talking with other humans. But that's all they are to me --- other humans. That's frustrating to supporters because it looks like I"m all fine and dandy. But nope. I'm acting. And it's exhausting. So there is nothing left for anyone else.

Something to think about --- if she's an isolator this is going to happen again and again. It's a coping method that probably will never change. I have gotten better at trying to communicate about it but I'm not always successful. Which means my supporters have to be ok with me just dissapearing, even when I'm right in front of them. So the boundaries conversation you are going to have is good -- but it's not going to fix this. It's a way to try to create a better process for when she isolates. It won't stop it. And it doesn't mean she will always be able hold up her end of the bargain.

Are you sure you want this dynamic in your day in/day out life?

 

[Butterfly64]

If she is anything like my ex, prepare for confusing mixed messages :/

Ohhhhh yes! Mixed messages....but I do love you....I don’t know, if I love you. I want a relationship.....I don’t want a relationship ever again. Confused much ??

 

[blackemerald1]

Are you sure you want this dynamic in your day in/day out life?

^Yes!

Do you want this type of relationship?

We have read a lot about what she wants/is doing/doesn't want/isn't doing.

But have you given yourself, @Tennisply13 sufficient space and time to ask yourself if you want to be in this relationship? I know you say you love her but love often isn't enough, it's a good start but there's a hell of a lot more needed. And anyway, she may simply drift away from you for a variety of other reasons which have nothing to do with ptsd. Or, you know she may want to restore the workplace relationship and not get into a personal situation with you again. Please consider.

Also, a word of caution. This is a workmate that you have become involved with I think? If so, please be careful there are policies about work place relationships and work place behaviours. You don't need to complicate that situation.. do you?