I have been on and off Benzo's and other drugs. Now I am only on Pristiq (anti depressant with anti anxiety) Lamictal (my shrink said it was just in case, so I don't get so depressed due to PTSD that I lose it), and now CBD during the day and marijuana at night. I was off the Marijuana for almost two years then went back to it when I couldn't function for a few days and had to call into work because of flashbacks. I just wanted to be able to survive the pain is why I have ever taken a benzo. Weed works better for me as the effects last for 12-24 hours usually.
I used to hear voices badly because of my trauma. It was about a little over 10 years I herd voices on and off but mainly on. I was on disability for 13 years, but recently went back to work under the SSDI Ticket to work program. I am also in school full time now. It took me 26 years to be this functional in life of constantly working to get better. I was broken badly from torture at 17.... well that was the straw that broke the camels back anyway and caused full on voice hallucinations. I no longer hear voices. I am fully integrated as far as that split that left me wide open goes. I have not had a relationship with a man after what happened to me at 16-17, but I did go gay for a few years and had 1 relationship with a woman..... I am not gay so it didn't work out in the end. I can say I am still not functional in that area of my life as men scare the living hell out of me even though I think sometimes I would like to be in a relationship of some kind.
I used to be so bad. Now like today I sobbed hysterically with a flash back, but still made it into work. I am on a break right now. I need to get back to work. Some days are even really good. Some days I am so grateful to be alive and live such a blessed amazing life, but the ptsd doesn't seem to let that always happen. I only get nightmares a few times a year that I know of now. This year I have only cried myself awake a few times under 5 times so its not bad like it used to be. I can sleep now instead of being up all night thinking too. I can handle so much more pain than I ever could before with out having any outward symptoms. I have worked very hard not to check out mentally when in pain as that is what puts me in bad places.
It does get better even if it is bad now, or it can get better I should say. I know people who have been hurt and traumatized and don't work to get better and I see little improvement with them. I have been working my ass off for 20 years to get better, and I can honestly say it has changed me and my life. I will keep working until the day I die, I guess. I have no choice but to always try to get better. Its that or lay in my bed and cry which I did from 18-20 seriously non-stop. I could do that, but I would rather work to get better. It didn't seem like it at the time, but everything I have done is to get better. Every pill took or not taken was to get better. Every decision I made was trying to get better even if it made me worse. Keep trying no matter what. Keep trying it will get better and recovery from dysfunctional symptoms does happen. I used to count 200 voices in 40-45 minutes a night while laying in bed all insulting me and some spitting on me and I could feel the spit. I almost did kill myself a few times, but I didn't die. I lived and now I don't hear voices anymore ever. I have even been re-traumatized and don't hear voices anymore. I don't scream at night waking myself up anymore crying every night. So much has changed looking back just little at a time. Your doing good, trying different things is healing. Your doing good work and it will pay off.