Relationship May I ask.... is your sufferer horrible nearly all of the time when they are with you?

[Sunshine71]

Thanks so much everyone for your amazing insights and honest answers....

Hubby is "therapied out" ... he says it made things worse.

He has tried various people and techniques and medication.

He is just not very nice at all to me....

No affection.

We have been together nearly 30 years!!! Married 25 years!! We met when we were just 18 and I am a very young 48 year old!! He is the same age.

He wont have any photos on social media with me.....

Things are slightly better but no holding hands, nothing intimate.

I keep trying as we have been together so long - he says things are getting better.

I think he is angry at me for carrying on.... angry at me for paying the bills and keeping everything going. I think there is more too.

At the moment he seems OK. But I am here in my office working and he is in the house.

Thanks everyone. This forum is a amazing.

Have a great day Sunshine x

 

[Teasel]

he says things are getting better.

Does it feel like things are getting better for you?

 

[Sunshine71]

Does it feel like things are getting better for you?

Sometime I do - I feel we made some good steps forward.
This could mean that he has not been horrible to me. Not been the big black cloud. I think I have forgotten what a "normal" relationship / life is like.

 

[Mytime]

I know it’s very hard when you miss the intimacy. There’s a feeling of being valuable. It can feel lonely at times. Do you feel it’s something he’s trying to work on?

 

[Black Cat]

It comes in waves. Most times we are good. But I must admit there are varying degrees of good. Like last week was really good because he was in a good space. This week not so much.

It can be tough! Burn out is a real thing and I’m sure a lot of us supporters deal with it. That’s why I cling to my independence. What do you do to love on you? Honestly what gets me through is being super independent and goal driven in my personal life. I go to school, work out, work on my startup. (Anything that I’m passionate about!) I try not to be over consumed in my guys struggles. I love him but I can’t fight battles for him. It’s his fight, I’m just on the sideline supporting the best I can without over doing my part. I’m saying all this to say sometimes more self care can make these types of relationships a little easier. At least that’s been my personal experience.

Thanks for this! I needed to hear it. It often feels like my guy ( who has complex ptsd) expects me to solve his problems. He tells me that it's not my fault he feels the way he does and the proceeds to list all the things I could do better to support him more. He constantly brings up things that happened 10 years ago! He just can't leave things in the past and I a, so tired of going over the same arguments. I can't fight his battles and I can't stop making him feel anxious, sad, depressed and all the other dark emotions that he has. I am so burnt out by this illness at the moment. I feel like I am crying most days and on the edge of calling it quits. However, we have been together for over 20 years so it is too sad to even think abut sayng goodbye. We have too much history together. I am going to take your advice and just live for me. Be supportive, but not sucked into his depression. I feel like I need a break from him.

 

[Strawberryshortcake]

It’s not bad all the time. We both love to dance so I plan for us to connect and do that together at least once a week. Or just relaxing and smoking hookah etc. When he’s struggling, I allow him to change the subject which he does often when he’s having a hard time. It’s only bad when his meds wear off at certain times of the day or when he forgets to take it. I’m sorry yours is having a hard time. Maybe do some hobbies together to take some pressure off.