Please let your T know that her comment upset you. It was unprofessional for her to say that. If you have been seeing her for a while, she should pick up that it's anxiety and try to get you to focus and slow down.
She's on vacation, so I have some time to process and figure out what to say - but I think talking to her is probably the best next step. If that goes badly, then I will take some time for myself and decide if I want to continue.
I do this sometimes when I’m not okay. I used to do it a lot, and it was frustrating for both me and my T because it was inevitably completely unproductive. I went away exhausted and no less healthy, and my T just got hit with a verbal tonne of bricks that they had no chance of sorting through, much less helping me with.
I think this ^^ is what she meant, glazing over like as being on the receiving end of my 0-60 activated response of rambling, opinions, etc for people who would be hearing it in the world. And *I* totally feel the same: unproductive, exhausted with no tools when I leave - which is leaving me embarrassed instead of working through a problem.
My go-to now when I’m not okay, is to go in with dot points. How I have been, issues I need to talk about, things my T needs to know (like SH, or medication side effects, or that I just got made homeless, etc). Write it down, hand it over.
I've been thinking of writing her lists of things I want her to know and give them to her, but then I felt dumb so I haven't done it. You mentioning it, I don't feel so weird. Maybe it's actually the right way to go.
Sounds to me like you and your T could potentially benefit from some relaxation and grounding practice. Relaxation, forcing your body into a sense of calm, is something you can teach yourself (tonne of different ways), and would potentially set you up for a more productive session if used both before and throughout the session (and definitely, definitely afterwards).
I LOVE this. I think this could be a really great tool. Ground and breathing to start and end the appointment. It's worth a try at least.
And perhaps the generic opener “How are you going?” isn’t helpful for you atm (it’s rarely helpful for me!). That’s something you could write down for your T. Like, “Instead of open-ended questions like, ‘How are you’, could you please try and ask me more specific questions to help me stay on point”.
Thank you so much for your advice, tips and insight. You're incredibly helpful and I really appreciate it. I think having a plan for the appointments would be great.
How are you outside of therapy? You are expelling a lot of info that you have been carrying around in sort of anxious way. I think you need to evacuate something and eventually you will come back the body and engage the therapist.
I think I have everything sitting there waiting to come out so when I see her I just go and go and go or when I get upset/angry at home. I don't have support or an outlet otherwise and am recovering from an 18 month stuck in bed back injury (not trauma-related), and this rambling started since my injury after dozens of really terrible healthcare appointments. Thank you for your questions to help me figure this out.
My shrink was pretty rigid about this topic... we had several discussions during therapy about how it is important to pause instead of fill the space with noise and chatter. I decided that made sense and my therapeutic time was best spent using the safe space to practice and learn how to cope and then reliable do what he was askin' me to learn. Learning how to manage the resultant emotive responses post session is also part of the process. The whole thing is about acquiring the skill sets to COPE. At first in the therapeutic process, then with yourself, then ultimately in your relations and real life situations.
This is the part that's missing. I'm going in and talking and talking but time runs out before we can get to much education, coping or tools. When I ask how to fix it, she says awareness is the first step but we haven't gotten much further. I'm aware, but also pretty jumpy so maybe she is just trying to go slow.
I too was guilty of the once I started talking I couldn't stop and never really knew what I was saying and while it all made sense to me made it hard for others to follow. It is still a struggle for me outside of therapy. In fact when I know I have an important meeting where my responses and interactions must be more focused I take a xanax to help with the anxiety. Honestly, it is the only way I can get through job application and interview processes as well.
I completely understand this. I'm glad you have something to take for those situations.
I have engaged in this sort of broadcasting communication because it was a way to control the situation.
If I'm talking at you then I don't have to be vulnerable and receptive. It feels safer to be sending information than slowing down to receive something that I may not expect or want to hear.
This feels true, if I'm talking about "everything" that's going on and ALL the things I'm feeling/observing - then I'm not talking about any one thing in depth and keeping myself more safe. Parts of me want to go to therapy, do all the work right away so I can get to the other side, feel better and then other parts are like 'that's cute you want therapy... no.'
In a lot of therapy situations the provider giving feedback about how we come across is part of the process as it gives us insight into what may be happening outside of therapy as well. But if you are new to therapy, or new to this therapist, or have never had a therapist do that it can be jarring. It often is for me. If I am feeling especially longing for support and validation it can make me angry too like what am I even paying you for.
I'm all of that ^^. I've known her for over a year, but our work got stopped when I got injured so we didn't get too far. I consider it all new and I *know* she can help me, which makes me nervous, too. I'm definitely always needing support and validation and I do get angry when I don't get it. I'm really not good with criticism, either. I say all the time "why am I paying them..." (not therapists but other healthcare services). Thank you for your insights, it's really helpful. :)
