Is Rambling speech during every therapy session dissociation or common? T doesn't seem to like it...

[talon]

Hey everyone, I'm new here.

Every therapy session I have, T asks me how I am and as soon as I start talking, I can't stop anxiously rambling and venting almost the entire hour, but I'm not even sure of what I'm saying. It's just coming out of me. It's not a conversation and at times I don't feel in my body or grounded.

I bounce from topic to topic to topic, which are related (but only to me), so it seems erratic from the outside I'm sure. Sometimes I realize what's happening - like I can hear myself speak but I still can't stop saying whatever it is I'm saying or I realize afterwards and get really really embarrassed.

I've had this happen at home when I'm upset or angry but it's *every* session and besides feeling like I'm crazy, I'm totally ashamed and can't find anything about it as a symptom online.

My T has tried to interrupt me but it hasn't really worked if it's really bad. I even mentioned I can't seem to stop and she said from her point of view, her eyes just glaze over when I'm talking like that.

Her comment triggered me right away and she saw that it did. I went quiet and somewhere else somehow. The next few days at home, I felt like I was 11-13 years old again and stayed in bed. I'm wondering if that's a type of flashback.

I don't know how to 1. Stop the rambling speech, or find more info about it and 2. Tell my T that her comment made me debate seeing her again (I'm not sure I want to go back) because she wasn't listening and judged me and that sets back trust + safety (even though I bet it's tough from her perspective).

Thoughts?

This often stems from anxiety and of later you may be frustrated that the message you wanted to convey came out wrong or you later missed things that you wanted to say . Try writing down your thoughts and feelings and read them over and over until you feel happier in yourself . I have in the past done this when i have been anxious to convey a message then steered to something else i wanted to say that jumped the queue . People then may switch off or interrupt which deflates you . Practice alone in front of the mirror if that helps but don't beat yourself up about it it will only make it worse . Take a deep breath and take your time all will be well

 

[dazedandconfused]

Thank you for all this information, it is making things more clear with things going on in my relationship. I am not a professional, but I do listen and am observant. I have been noticing that when his anxiety increases, his chattering on is non stop, along with complaining, and snapping at me for no reason. Unfortanately, I have not suceeded convincing him he needs to see some one. So at this point, he continues to have tantrums like a 3 year old and stomp, yell, throw and scream. But, I am thankful to have all this informations you have provided to confirm what I was thinking. Thank you.