feeling so isolated with my core beliefs

[jackques]

i'm in a really bad place right now, still a few weeks away from getting into therapy.

until then, i feel like im stuck with what ive been taught. i feel so lost, like id gladly go back to being abused if it meant i didnt have to figure any of this out on my own.

there's one thing that has really been on my mind lately: that im not really a person. that i'm a monster that needs to be controlled so i dont hurt anyone. i guess i just have such a low self-image, i still really believe this. and it's times like this that i just want my abuser back so i can be told what i am. so i dont have to be a person, and i dont have to worry about anything.

i feel like im going crazy. im out of control and i dont know what to do. im just... consumed by this destructive need to remind myself all these things that i find hard not to believe.

 

[somerandomguy]

I promise you you're not a monster. I don't know if it makes any difference for me to say that, but I'm completely sure that you're not and the reason I'm so sure about it is because I thought the same thing about myself for a long time. I even fantasized about getting my abusive partner back, too.

I'm not a monster. Neither are you. It takes time and work to figure that out, though, so hang in there until your therapy starts.

Take a Post-It note and put it on your mirror. Write "I AM NOT A MONSTER" on it in big letters. Bookmark this post. Whatever it takes. You're not a monster.

 

[jackques]

I promise you you're not a monster. I don't know if it makes any difference for me to say that, but I'm completely sure that you're not and the reason I'm so sure about it is because I thought the same thing about myself for a long time. I even fantasized about getting my abusive partner back, too.

I'm not a monster. Neither are you. It takes time and work to figure that out, though, so hang in there until your therapy starts.

Take a Post-It note and put it on your mirror. Write "I AM NOT A MONSTER" on it in big letters. Bookmark this post. Whatever it takes. You're not a monster.

thank you, i appreciate you taking the time to reply to this