Rebuilding Self-Confidence

[piratelady]

We're working on processing my trauma. I experienced csa and dv. My therapist says that with long-term abuse like that, they break down your self-confidence and that's how they keep you there and quiet. So, part of his and my mission is to rebuild my self-confidence. He said a few things today:

I'm comfortable with all the negative thoughts in my head. It's easier for me to tear myself down in my own head.
Once I get started on that negative train of thought, I stick with it and go down the rabbit hole.

A while back, he asked me to come up with something good/positive about myself every day. On the good days I can do that. When the days aren't as good, I stare at my new journal app and can't think of anything. Then I start beating myself up because I can't think of anything. Then a lot of days I simply forget to do it.

Today he made that comment that I really need to work harder at this.

I want to be better now - or sooner. So, in my mind, that means I need to work harder. I don't know how to make steady improvement in this area. I figured maybe I should ask for help - here.

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions or a way for me to be more accountable?

 

[Deanna]

Do something that makes you feel good about yourself! :happy: I have a lot of agitation in my system, so I walk on a treadmill every night for an hour. ( speed is 3) so three miles every night. Exercise makes me more calm. I'm hyped because I quit walking for a year after walking for a year and a half ( an hour is an hour and that takes a hour of time) So I really have to dedicate myself to it.

Exercise builds my self confidence!!

 

[piratelady]

Thanks @Deanna. I’m not sure why or how that would help. How is doing something like that going to make me less likely to have negative thoughts about myself?

Or how have you (or anyone else) broken the habit of constantly thinking negative things about yourself?

 

[somerandomguy]

How is doing something like that going to make me less likely to have negative thoughts about myself?

Because if you do good things for yourself, it emphasizes that you are a person who deserves good things.

 

[Deanna]

Thanks @Deanna. I’m not sure why or how that would help. How is doing something like that going to make me less likely to have negative thoughts about myself?

Or how have you (or anyone else) broken the habit of constantly thinking negative things about yourself?

Well.. You have to get positive to attract good things too. Sometimes its just piece of mind. I have a lot of that stress hormone ( cortisol) so I can get pretty grumpy and agitated fairly quickly. When I walk ( get this, I have a physical job and that's not enough to burn all the cortisol) I feel a lot better. Not only do I feel good about myself.. I am rebuilding self confidence.

There are other things like join a group, NAMI ( you're spreading yourself out) join a painting class.. Get away from PTSD in your head for a second and think of something new that you can do and do it with everything you have!

Because if you do good things for yourself, it emphasizes that you are a person who deserves good things.

Attracts good things . I'm in a better frame of mind after I exercise ( this sounds like the law of attraction) but I feel like crap if I don't. A person has to feel good about doing new things outside their comfort zone. Like you signing up for a new group. That's huge! Considering we normally isolate!

 

[MrMoonlight]

Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions or a way for me to be more accountable?

exercise helps me and having a daily schedule that I keep and accomplish every day helps build my self-esteem. Today I exercised a little harder than normal and I felt tingles all over my body, It felt sooo good.

How to keep pushing yourself is my biggest challenge. Continuing on I guess you just need to parent yourself, be your own adult and say to yourself I'm accountable to me and I have made a deal with myself to do this...and then don't let yourself down.

I know you can do it...just one small step in the right direction will get you down the road faster than you think.

 

[NatBird]

Thanks @Deanna. I’m not sure why or how that would help. How is doing something like that going to make me less likely to have negative thoughts about myself?

Or how have you (or anyone else) broken the habit of constantly thinking negative things about yourself?

I share negative self image too. I am sorry you also experience this

I also share in feeling better about myself when I do something I enjoy or requires some level of skill, in my case its a movement practice. It gives me a sense of competence which gives some sense of self value, even for a short duration. Exercise can do this too, depending on the view it can be an accomplishment to run 5k a few times per week or to be able to lift heavy. These are things people can say, -- hey I can do this, and can give sense of value and begin positive self image

I dont know if that helped or was patronising or way off. I feel a bit out of it but get you both