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Unfulfilled And Underachiever - Have Low Self Confidence & Strong Core Beliefs Limited You?

Sinkhole89

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Underachiever and unfulfilled

I just wondered if people with low confidence and pretty strong core beliefs around not being good enough have hindered your ability to realise your potential.

I have been working on myself for over 10 years now (I am 33) but I seem to be shuffling forward and I still feel like in life I am not reaching my potential. I hold a pretty junior role for my age with most of my peers 5-10 years younger then me. I really struggle with confidence and social anxiety at work that add to this but I just don't think my qualifications and experience match my the seniority. I have been working in my field for about 8 years with one promotion and alot of that as to do with not being able to put myself out there I don't think it's my ability. But key to ability is social confidence which is a skill I don't have.

For context I went to a good uni got the internship did the travelling and now I just feel stuck and unfulfilled and like I am underachiever. It's something that really grinds my confidence daily to the point I don't like telling people my age. I feel ashamed of my position in life and it's really getting me down. It also effects my relationship with my partner because I am essentially constantly saying our life isn't good enough.

This seems to be my nemis and pretty sure is a result of my core beliefs. I just feel stuck and like I am less then. This has haunted me and undermined my happiness for years now. It feels like an additional burden along with the flashbacks, toxic shame and general levels of low self esteem.

I just wondered if anyone could relate. It's a lonely experience.
 
But key to ability is social confidence which is a skill I don't have.
But you can learn how. Start with the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. Add some Zig Ziglar books.

I spent 30 years working with the same people in a place you had to sign waivers to get into, and there were no visitors. I went from there to being a top salesperson in my next job. If you need social confidence and skills - there are plenty of people to learn from.

Social skills for a job are learned skills. If you are behind the curve, get help learning the skills you need.
 
Underachiever and unfulfilled

I just wondered if people with low confidence and pretty strong core beliefs around not being good enough have hindered your ability to realise your potential.

I have been working on myself for over 10 years now (I am 33) but I seem to be shuffling forward and I still feel like in life I am not reaching my potential. I hold a pretty junior role for my age with most of my peers 5-10 years younger then me. I really struggle with confidence and social anxiety at work that add to this but I just don't think my qualifications and experience match my the seniority. I have been working in my field for about 8 years with one promotion and alot of that as to do with not being able to put myself out there I don't think it's my ability. But key to ability is social confidence which is a skill I don't have.

For context I went to a good uni got the internship did the travelling and now I just feel stuck and unfulfilled and like I am underachiever. It's something that really grinds my confidence daily to the point I don't like telling people my age. I feel ashamed of my position in life and it's really getting me down. It also effects my relationship with my partner because I am essentially constantly saying our life isn't good enough.

This seems to be my nemis and pretty sure is a result of my core beliefs. I just feel stuck and like I am less then. This has haunted me and undermined my happiness for years now. It feels like an additional burden along with the flashbacks, toxic shame and general levels of low self esteem.

I just wondered if anyone could relate. It's a lonely experience.
Just read Atomic Habits by James Clear. It may get you going and be of benefit. Good luck. You can do this.
 
I feel much the same but I don’t work for someone else, I am self employed. Sometimes I think a monkey could do my job, so I have to remind myself of all that I’ve accomplished in the last few years and how far I’ve come. I am pushing myself forward and setting goals for myself along the way. I have a ton of knowledge about my field. So that’s a definite strength I have over most others my age and younger. (I have been doing this since I was about 20 and most other people my age did not start in this business so young.) My struggle isn’t in moving up, but in growing. I am learning more about networking even though I hate socializing. At least my networking can oftentimes be brief in nature. Anyway, know that you aren’t alone.
 
this makes 2 out of 2 posts where i feel full empathy for your plight, sinkhole. at almost 69, i no longer have the career stresses/expectations on my plate, but the feeling of being an underachieving failure persist, despite the plethora of psyche makeover books i've read over my bookwormy, dropout life. i never made it through the uni (good, bad or ridiculous) experience (multiple dropouts) but books have made a dandy hiding place for my shame and guilt.

my most recent and longest running attempt to deal with the phenom is realigning my definitions/expectations of success and failure. my two most used mantras for the effort are 1) success is getting what you want. happiness is wanting what you get. go for the happiness. 2) i never fail. i either learn or i succeed.

how well is it working? depends on which day and hour you ask. i still haven't found the just-here button.
 
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