Sufferer Just Breathe. Retired firefighter.

[Fahrenheit451]

Seems like I’ve been saying that to myself for a long time now. In May of 82 I joined the Fire Department in a big city. Two weeks later I had a double fatality. Over the next 32 years I saw people die in every way you can imagine. And just like everyone else on the job I sucked it up and got ready for the next call. So after 32 years I retired, moved to the country and life was good. Sure there were those calls that I thought about all the time but I was ok.
Then on a Sunday at 1150 hrs as I was about to sit down with my wife for lunch everything changed. I heard an explosion at the bottom of the hill below our house. It turned out a car had crashed at the entrance to my driveway and was upside down in the ditch. A young man was standing there but his girlfriend was still in the car calling for help. So being the fireman I crawled in the back window to rescue her. But I had no tools and the damage was extensive. So while we waited for fire/rescue I held her hand and let her know she wasn’t alone.........and then she died.
It wasn’t long after that all those memories took on a darker tone. They showed up to say hi at all times of the day. Sitting with friends or family I would “disappear”. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t sleep. I would go from happy to devastated in a heartbeat. But the fireman in me kept saying “suck it up princess”.
Eventually it got so bad that my wife and my best friend convinced me to get help. I consider myself very lucky that I had a doctor that understood right away and referred me to a psychologist. It’s been 3 years since I was diagnosed with PTSD and I still struggle everyday. But I’m getting better. I hope others can get better too.

 

[Deanna]

Welcome to the forums! You sound like a very dedicated fireman and a damn good one! Glad you are here!

I'll tell you a story. I lost my dad about 6 months into this episode... But I put these tables on Craigslist to sell. A man and his wife came over and bought them. Before I knew it, I was just bawling and bawling for no reason. It turns out he was a retired firefighter ( who just retired somewhere where the gangs were real bad. So bad they couldn't build a new fire station) I apologized for crying and he asked me what happened. I went into how my dad died and it was the grossest death I had seen and blah, blah. He explained they call that a wet death. I couldn't believe I even started crying! He was a totally cool guy! I think he was top dog ( fire chief) at his job.

My cousin was a fire chief where I live ( seems like forever)! He is a real nice guy as well!

Glad you're here and their are several medics here, firefighters, etc. Just look for the threads!

Anyway.. I'm sorry she died. I know what that's like. I bet you felt helpless with no tools. It's not your fault. I understand.

 

[Freida]

Dispatch here.....welcome to the forums and glad you reached out for help. I know how tough that is. But when the dam breaks and all those calls come flooding back? No way you can do it on your own.

So while we waited for fire/rescue I held her hand and let her know she wasn’t alone.........and then she died.

I taught my trainees --- you are gonna hear people die. A lot. And it sucks. So it's critical to know and remember that you were with them at the end. They were never alone. Even if all you can offer is your voice, they died knowing that you were there.

What you did for that girl was amazing - something not many could have done. It may have been the last trauma straw for your brain but still -- she was never alone. Because of you.

Now it's your turn to heal.

Love the screen name!

 

[Mytime]

Welcome to the forum, my husband is a firefighter (Captain) I’m his supporter. I understand the,”suck it up princess” You can only suck it up for so long. Now it’s time to process what needs to be processed and heal. I’m happy you joined the forum, we are all here to support each other . This is a good place to communicate with both sides.