Finding Good From the Past, and Keeping it as a Positive Memory

[TruthSeeker]

I'm trying to reframe the past as "not all bad" and the positive ones....impacted me positively-and even do today. Everything wasn't bad about my past, and not all people in my life were bad and things people taught me then, I still appreciate or do today. Who or what happened in your past (little or big) that you recall, helped to make you....you?
Which memories can you store in your memory keeper drawer?
What threads of memories do you see in your life today (maybe something someone taught you, an interest, an event you continue) and maybe even a part of you today?

Here, I'll go first:
1. My grandfather, came to live with me for a year, and I have good memories sitting on the floor learning my times tables in 3rd grade. I remember him
2. My mother was a good artist, and I watched her paint and draw....and I got art supplies to keep me quiet and busy ( from the seen and not heard era) but I'm loving art now.....
3. My father traveled a lot, and wasn't home a lot, but he brought me back a doll from each country he visited.....I still collect dolls.
4. I stayed alone a lot, and crabbed off the dock, played my recorder by ear to the fish, and enjoyed the out of doors....albeit alone, but I love the water and fishing and boating. I learned to play the recorder and read notes when I was an adult....and play in a group today.
5. I joined the choir in high school and learned I could sing. I saved my money and bought a 32.00 record player.....today, I love all kinds of music.
6. My cousin took me to a movie when I was 16-I just love the movies with popcorn today.
7. I remember the smell of home made mac and cheese with bacon on top......a comfort food I'll make today.
8. My neighbor taught me to crochet....and I still crochet today.
9. My neighbor took me to my first ballet.....and I just love the theatre and dancing.
10. My parents were never satisfied with "just okay" and while it was a motivator to be a perfectionist, that perfectionism enabled me to be a successful teacher, and online business owner-hence self-sufficient.
11. My neighbor across the street took us to the local carnival, and it was there I learned to love amusement rides-Bush Gardens here I come!

 

[Innordinate]

I like this thread. I didnt think I had anything from my past that was positive like that- all the 'fun' stuff I did when I was a teenager(ish) is not actually good.
But there is one thing I found:

Use to spend a lot of time outside at night around a campfire/bonfire with people I didn't mind hanging out with.

I still like campfires and roasting hotdogs and marshmallows and looking at the stars and northern lights etc. in the evenings.

 

[grit]

In a weird turn of events, one trait of my mother that was the one most likely one of the many things that caused her to abuse me is the one that also made see therapist different and heal in the process of another effectively. My mother was strong woman in her own sense who though raging and absolutely psycho (in many ways), she had this weird strength of she could do it!

When I went to therapy and opened the Pandora box of my past, that trait of I could survive this too was a real eye opening for me.
I do not have any positive memories of my mother but I have lots of great ones with my siblings and that is something I do not underestimate now especially when I am playing with my husband...like a child! The relationship with my mother was really a fraught but the experience of my childhood with my siblings as difficult as it was, we were equal under the terror.

In short I see what made my mother strong is what is making me strong in my own adversity against her

 

[TruthSeeker]

I spent a long time being angry with my own mother as she was so critical and I never felt good enough. She had many artistic talents and while I never took an art class all my life, I learned a lot just by watching her.....and my neighbors....well they taught me a lot of artsy things as well.
At first, when most symptomatic, my mindset was really all inclusive.....everyone was bad, and there is nothing from my past to that was worthy of remembering that was positive-so I just didn't. Now that I'm starting to feel less symptomatic and more grounded, I'm remembering more and connecting things from the past better to the here and now. I think this is helpful to begin to see that everything in the past wasn't bad....helps healing....

 

[TruthSeeker]

I like this thread. I didnt think I had anything from my past that was positive like that- all the 'fun' stuff I did when I was a teenager(ish) is not actually good.
But there is one thing I found:

Use to spend a lot of time outside at night around a campfire/bonfire with people I didn't mind hanging out with.

I still like campfires and roasting hotdogs and marshmallows and looking at the stars and northern lights etc. in the evenings.

Where I live, I have a fire ring....gonna move it to a better spot. I love roasted marshmallows, a nice fire, and the solitude of the evening as well. I started camping when I was married (that didn't last long)-it was affordable and stress reducing and continued to camp with my daughter when she was younger. Nature.....it is sooo right.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Memories: Not All Bad

As I sit on the pier, fishin’and thinkin’ about times way back,
When phones had rotary dial, recalling their click, click, click,
and the coo-coo clock, singing loudly it’s tick, tick, tick,
these little memories, I recall with a smile……

In winter, as a kid, I recall ice-skating and making angels in the snow,
I think about the sled hill, keeping warm, in and out we would go,
My grandmother's popcorn, and our marshmallows on the grill,
The past, remembering what was good, are my bits of pleasure… still.

And the day Kennedy became president, and life was a-changing,
and the first man in space, we had better communication,
and on the moon, we watched Neil Armstrong bounce away,
my memories I ponder, seem just like yesterday.

My dad built a Heathkit _build-it yourself television,
Got an 8-track, then a stereo, a sight to envision,
Dancing alone, in my living room to the Beachboys and more,
blasting music, house shaking, recalling nothing like this before!

So many new inventions, so much change, then came political strife,
but despite the changes, I recall threads of my happiness in my life,
I think the key is my curiosity, and ability to just take it all in,
as I look back, think of the happy moments, I can almost feel myself grin.

I thought about others, trying to help those in need,
valuing kindness, and integrity, I tried to succeed,
I gave to the needy, and sometimes that was me,
and sometimes, they were hard times, and I wanted to flee.

Lacking money, I was naiive, didn’t know what life was about,
But I kept going, plodding forward, believing things would work out,
Then whatever life challenge, it would eventually be okay,
And I’ve been fortunate to see both sides, of my life in this way.

Hardships made me stronger, brought out the best in me,
turning my attention to succeeding, being all I could be,
Right now, no trauma, I can look back, my memory candle brigher,
letting go of the past, makes my heart so much lighter.

I'm finding it's a choice, to find some good in a not-so-perfect life,
I was abused, betrayed, lost my family, with tons of family strife.
So when you look back, what memories will will you find?
I hope you see some happiness, hiding somewhere in your mind.

 

[Innordinate]

Not sure how i forgot this one- probably because I haven't made any for awhile ....

Cookies!
even in the middle of trauma when i was a little kid my aunt would sneakily teach me how to bake cookies.
It's one thing from back then that didn't get tainted from all the other crap I've gone through.

When i was older I use to bake cookies with my daughter all the time. It was 'our' thing for awhile. Helps that my ex can't bake for shit.
And I make cookies with my youngest kids still- like today, we're making cookies.

I know it's pretty lame but cookies are still my go to 'happy place'

 

[TruthSeeker]

Macaroni and Cheese with bacon and tomato......a good memory. My mother was reluctant to let me in the kitchen to help cook....it was a rare occasion because she couldn't stand any kind of mess. But when she allowed me to make home made mac and cheese, with tomatoes and bacon on top, that was a fond memory, and I was always proud to have made it....and still is my favorite food of all! Most kitchen and mother memories....not so good. Hum....think I'm getting hungry.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I think being able to recall shreds of positive in one's past is a good sign......I recall my grandmother's popcorn in a bag when we would leave....and her smile. While actively looking for positive....I'm finding more positive every so often....just little things...but many that I still enjoy now.
Two years ago, in active trauma, there was nothing good about the past-I had a blanket mindset that "they were bad".....and it wasn't until I got in a more stable mindset and wasn't actively being traumatized, that I can look back and see some things that I still appreciate today (there were many lousy, abusive times) but I don't want to recall my whole life as a blanket time of "abuse." While I don't recall but maybe 5 times that my nuclear family ever did anything special together as a family (not including duty emotionless holidays), even when we were all together.....and no one was drunk......there was no "family feeling of good times."

 

[FauxLiz]

I spent my childhood looking for an escape from my home, parents and siblings. I started going for a run as an excuse to leave and began going for long 2-5 mile or longer runs as a tween. By middle school I was winning races for my age group and until injuries sidelined me a few years ago I continued to use distance running as a way to escape, to gain privacy and solace.

 

[Strangelongtrip]

Riding horses. For those two hours once a week (or more if I worked for lessons) I could be independent, strong, brave, and I felt empowered. Mucking stalls, the motion took away all anxiety and I felt great seeing a dirty stall clean. Training horses and seeing the progress I could make on a scared, spooky ex racehorse. Walking dogs as a kid. Riding my bike with my friends. Swimming, oh god I love swimming, especially in the ocean. At four years old I taught myself to swim and on family vacations to the beach would go out in blow up armies and swim so far out my uncle would say I could touch dolphins. My uncle and granddad playing guitar and keyboard and singing or my uncle playing the Grateful Dead (hence the username--mis-worded as it is). Honestly just seeing the Jerry Garcia Kokopelli guy makes me so happy. Reading, losing myself in a book, and writing stories that sort of let me disappear (even though I never finished them until this year). I would read until the sun came up. Watching my brother play video games. Playing the Sims.

 

[TruthSeeker]

@Strangelongtrip so, do you still ride horses, have a horse or two, go biking with friends, swim kinda regularly or do the beach in the summers, and listen/make music? Do you keep up with some things that brought joy in the past? I write stories too, pretty regularly right now. I'm picky about what I read, but art, photography, and writing/poetry are a passion....and I enjoy music with a group of friends. Walking the beach, looking for driftwood, or hiking leave me with a satisfied feeling, too.