Worried about saying too much and upsetting my therapist.

[unbrokenwarrior]

Hi, so recently during emdr I've been trying so hard to communicate with my therapist about what comes up for me, whether its describing the memory or telling her about my emotions/body sensations. The past two sessions I've been talking about early trauma sexual abuse and I'm just really worried that maybe I should dial it back. Would she tell me if I was saying too much? I dont want for her to be uncomfortable and then just suddenly stop seeing me because its bothering her. Like I really just want to cancel my next session because I'm worried I've upset her. Has anyone else had this?

 

[bellbird]

She is trained for this.
She has a supervisor to work things through with, but it isn't your responsibility to filter the things that you need to say, for her. Therapy doesn't, and shouldn't, work that way.
(If you are filtering them for yourself, because you are pacing yourself, then that's great and a whole different story :) )

In saying that, I do completely relate to how you're feeling... I was there with my first T when telling her about a particular trauma. Or another when I ended up on her floor having a panic attack and she sat on the ground next to me -- I then started panicking because I knew she has a bad back.

But she was very sure in telling me that she would take care of herself and I didn't need to.

Maybe it'd help to have this conversation directly with your T? To have the reassurance from her that it is ok for her to share?
But, if it helps, I certainly feel that you shouldn't need censor the things you need to process, for the sake of your T.

 

[grit]

The beauty of your post is having that feeling about who care for you and who you hired to help you is exactly why you are in therapy. Maybe you do not like being vulnerable for a good reason but if you tell her how you felt about saying too much, you may get a breakthrough in your recovery. String feelings toward the therapist are rope for recovery if you just verbalize it in your own way.

 

[unbrokenwarrior]

She is trained for this.
She has a supervisor to work things through with, but it isn't your responsibility to filter the things that you need to say, for her. Therapy doesn't, and shouldn't, work that way.
(If you are filtering them for yourself, because you are pacing yourself, then that's great and a whole different story :) )

In saying that, I do completely relate to how you're feeling... I was there with my first T when telling her about a particular trauma. Or another when I ended up on her floor having a panic attack and she sat on the ground next to me -- I then started panicking because I knew she has a bad back.

But she was very sure in telling me that she would take care of herself and I didn't need to.

Maybe it'd help to have this conversation directly with your T? To have the reassurance from her that it is ok for her to share?
But, if it helps, I certainly feel that you shouldn't need censor the things you need to process, for the sake of your T.

Thank you for your reply, it made me feel a little better.I know she is trained for this and she is a trauma therapist and has supervision but shes still human and I really just want her to be ok. If I was to have this conversation with her what would I say?

Like hi I was worried the things that I say during session might be alot for you to hear and I just wanted to make sure that it's not too much for you and if it is would you let me know?

The beauty of your post is having that feeling about who care for you and who you hired to help you is exactly why you are in therapy. Maybe you do not like being vulnerable for a good reason but if you tell her how you felt about saying too much, you may get a breakthrough in your recovery. String feelings toward the therapist are rope for recovery if you just verbalize it in your own way.

Thanks grit, I guess it's all connected that this is the first time telling her,,, telling anyone ever. I do feel vulnerable, so maybe these things are all linked and I just have to find the right route through them.

 

[bellbird]

I know she is trained for this and she is a trauma therapist and has supervision but shes still human and I really just want her to be ok.

I understand :)

hi I was worried the things that I say during session might be alot for you to hear and I just wanted to make sure that it's not too much for you and if it is would you let me know?

Sounds great!

By doing that, you also open the dialogue so that if you find yourself in this place again in the future, it will be much easier to check in with her about it again.
I think for some of us, having that kind of reassurance from our therapist can be really helpful.
For instance, I will sometimes check in with my T about whether she is angry at me for having said certain things. She's never given me any indication that she is angry ever, just like I am guessing your T has never given you any indication that she is uncomfortable, but the reassurance still really helps.

The key thing to work on is trusting her when she says "no, I am not uncomfortable"/ "no, I am not angry". For me that usually means making eye contact with my T, to make the association of yep, she looks sincere, and then I feel much better and we can proceed with other things.

Therapy is different for everyone, but it's good to find ways to make it work best for you. Maybe this is one of those :)

 

[Rumors]

Hi, so recently during emdr I've been trying so hard to communicate with my therapist about what comes up for me, whether its describing the memory or telling her about my emotions/body sensations. The past two sessions I've been talking about early trauma sexual abuse and I'm just really worried that maybe I should dial it back. Would she tell me if I was saying too much? I dont want for her to be uncomfortable and then just suddenly stop seeing me because its bothering her. Like I really just want to cancel my next session because I'm worried I've upset her. Has anyone else had this?

Totally had this. Like I feel I am a burden and my story is distressing enough that it shouldn't be heard by anyone. I freaking hate that feeling and sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing. I want to quit and hang it up. But... I don't and that feeling passes and I move on thinking that just maybe it will get better for me. It has and it will continue but I hate the process. Hang in there!!!