I have. I did most of my intensive research when I was mostly bed ridden, feeling too bad to do anything else, having been forced to resign from my f/t position of over 13 years to save any threads of sanity I had left, and after seeking help and answers via insurance approved avenues, to no avail.
My research wasn't limited to PTSD, though. I was searching for the roots of all of my issues, most especially the recurring ones I had been repeatedly convinced I already had under control via lab work, or perhaps even "over-exaggerating", per the professionals.
I was also forced to look much deeper than what many (most) professionals were trying to pass off as "solutions"/recommendations, as their suggestions only worked to worsen my conditions rather than ease or erase any. I was met with a lot of kickback when trying to advocate for myself. Still am in the typical medical arena.
Those searches/direct experiences were the most difficult to face head on, as I'd been kicked to the curb many times for simply questioning someone in a powerful or authoritative position, or for presenting a solution that very clearly worked for me, but wasn't backed by extensive peer-reviewed/highly funded research showing that it worked for many others. I still deal with this.
I learned things I didn't know I even needed to know. I learned things I can never un-see or un-know, no matter how much I'd like to forget and return to being oblivious, at times. I don't think I'd do it differently, though, because as I've painfully learned my entire life, the hardest learned lessons are the ones that stick with me the most.
Initially, upon learning all the life-changing things I did and finding help in the darnedest places when I didn't think there was help to be found, I thought I needed to share it all loudly and proudly and put all the information out there for others to find, but I learned how severely that can suck the life out me. I learned that others have to find their own answers in their own time just as I did. I can certainly share my story, but I have to frame it as such. What helps and heals one may not do a damn thing for another, or may make their experience worse.
I happened upon a quote during those years of diving into ALL the so-called rabbit holes that really struck a deep chord in my heart and prompted me to dive deeper within and do more basic cell-ph care rather than continuing to pile up the endless links to studies, stories, and direct experiences of others:
"You seek too much information and not enough transformation." ~Sai Baba
I'm still very much on the healing journey, also simply known as life, from what I've learned. I continue to get distracted, discouraged, and taken totally out of commission by pain and fear. Recovery times are continually lessening (knock on wood) and bouncing back is something I now feel I can do, albeit slowly.
I try my best not to get stuck in the learning stage just as much as I try to not get stuck in the despair. My body still has a mind of its own and these damn tornadic thoughts can get way out of hand, as you can easily tell by my incredibly lengthy responses.
