Healing after multiple traumas??

[Kaylove498]

I went through a few different things that my therapist has considered traumatic.

In June I watched my mother in law go into cardiac arrest and began CPR my self.
In July she was still in the hospital and we were on the edge of our seats waiting to see if she would come to and she did.
In August we found out my brother in law had cancer and we lost him in October and I was there when he took his last breathe in-between all of it I was moving back and forth between my fiance's and my parents due to us having been overwhelmed and fighting while dealing with the stress of everything.

I did start therapy and originally I was just completely dissociated.ive been sleeping alot and just staying out of alot of things and I wondered did sleep actually benefit the healing process of trauma.

Has anyone else taken time for then selves and rested to heal from trauma??

Did sleeping and resting whenever you pleased help you through your healing process??

 

[Friday]

Sleeping when I was tired, stressed out, overwhelmed, or emotionally drained?... Yes. Absolutely. Hugely helpful on several fronts.

Sleeping when I was depressed?... Nope. The opposite. Because I couldn’t do any of the things which would help manage the depression, anxiety, and stress.

 

[Kaylove498]

I have days where I'm just really tired in general I still do things now the last couple days I've been having really bad anxiety again so I think I'm sleeping to just get away from the anxiety.

I've had this new fear that I'll think I'm back at my old house because I watched a video on dpdr and the person said they got dissociate amnesia and thought they were a kid again.ive been having dreams of my child hood since starting therapy so maybe that could be the reason for the dreams.

The reason I sleep and make myself sleep is because after I saw that video I went into a binge of videos on anxiety and dpdr and I came across another video that terrified me. The woman in the video was fine and she went to bed like normal but the next day her family woke up and she was gone and found passed away a few miles from home and they determined she had a panic attack and jumped out of the window and ran in the middle of the night.

I read something's that day what I'm going through isn't dangerous then I read OTHER things were people have lost their entire sanity. When I sleep I feel safe like I won't go anywhere.

 

[joeylittle]

The reason I sleep and make myself sleep is because after I saw that video I went into a binge of videos on anxiety and dpdr and I came across another video that terrified me.

I'd stop watching these.

The woman in the video was fine and she went to bed like normal but the next day her family woke up and she was gone and found passed away a few miles from home and they determined she had a panic attack and jumped out of the window and ran in the middle of the night.

I doubt this is the whole story. It might not even be true. But creating more stress by making up ways you could be more sick than you actually are, is definitely unhealthy.

I've had this new fear that I'll think I'm back at my old house because I watched a video on dpdr and the person said they got dissociate amnesia and thought they were a kid again.ive been having dreams of my child hood since starting therapy so maybe that could be the reason for the dreams.

Given the trauma history you're describing - the odds that you'd experience dissociative amnesia are low. Of course, none of us are doctors. And you might be leaving something out in your stated history...But since you didn't describe childhood trauma, it'd be very unexpected for you to somehow dissociate into a child state. You could, however, work yourself up into a very anxious state by indulging in these kinds of video rabbit-holes.

In therapy, you're probably talking about your whole life, including (occasionally) your childhood. That it would show up in your dreams is normal.

 

[Ronin]

What @joeylittle said.

And actual dissociative amnesia doesn't look like what those dramatizations look like, either.

Even when one does wake up in a pretty bad shape continents away.

That still takes prior history, and training, to pull off. Just dissociation? Doesn't do it. Leaving the country extremely dissociated for one is difficult, because security personnel aren't idiots / watch out well.

And typical abused kid histories?
You're way more likely to end up sobbing somewhere hiding... like when you were a child... and that doesn't bring on death, provided you didn't jump / fall from or to somewhere / got intoxicated before.

 

[Kaylove498]

I didn't experience really any abuse as a child I did have moments of course. I never dealt with anything extreme other than bouts of emotional issues with my parents growing up.

It's just a fear I've had especially since u don't really know who I am anymore in general. I just feel kinda empty.

 

[Ronin]

Kay, that kind of numb and feeling lost is very typical for many conditions, included and not limited to PTSD...

And none of them mean you are *really* losing yourself. ;) Really.

((Point in fact, some times, the loss of usual you / drastic changes? Look subtle. And don't feel worrisome at all. So try to worry less... this is not you going away, just anxiety about it running hot.))

 

[Kaylove498]

Thank you it's been so difficult. I'll be fine for awhile and then I'll go back into this weird place where even the thought of me being me and existing is scary.

I have some moments where I feel like I'm not even doing anything. Almost like I'm just doing it saying as I go along.

At times it gets really scary to me but especially when I'm alone I get very worried that I'll flip into insanity and never come back.

I've also been started in Zoloft I've been on it for about 3 days and I'm hoping it helps calm me.

 

[Ronin]

You're not scaary. You sound like a nice person. :hug:

You are surviving, and you are healing. That is doing so much.

Insanity isn't all its cracked out to be, or permanent. If one doesn't permanently damage their brain or die, as a result of acts, there is always a way back... and those acts aren't the *standard* in MH land.

People talk about it when it happens because it's rare. Not something happening everyday. Not inevitable.

 

[Kaylove498]

Its just really frustrating I try hard to keep myself busy then when I get to busy I get overwhelmed and start thinking odd things snd when I try to relax it just gets worse.

Half the time I just feel physically and emotionally numb. The other half I'm freaking out trying to understand what's wrong with me mentally.

I've asked my doctor and therapist a thousand times if I'm losing it and they always tell me it's depression and severe anxiety and what I'm feeling and thinking is normal.

It gets worse when I'm alone because I think odd things like how weird it is that I'm here.or how odd it is that someone is in the other room and I'm just here sitting alone with myself then I get scared and think what if I'm not really here or what if I dissapear.

I feel so bad at times because once my spouse is home I clinge to them because feeling someone's touch makes me feel safe and physically here.

When I'm alone I get scared I'll just dissapear or go insane.Its been really hard I try everyday to push myself out of it and then I go right back into it.

I also have moments where everyone around me feels like strangers and I'll know their names but I'm almost in amazement how know where I'm at and who I'm with or around when I feel on the inside that I'm not actually here.

I've tried grounding techniques I've tried getting on a better sleeping schedule I've tried pushing myself to do more but I can't seem to get out of this feeling.

Part of me knows the antidepressant are causing the numbness but everything else the thoughts the fear of dissapearing the existinal thoughts the detached feeling has all been here before the meds and it terrifies me.

 

[Ronin]

It sounds, at least in part, as a core belief issue, playing into attachment (the need to not be alone / clinging to a partner for emotional support. Where nothing wrong with that itself... it's the distress you are in I'm worried about.)

As in beliefs: The world is odd /
I'll disappear /
I am going insane (and all variants of)
This (very normal thing) is odd
Something is deeply wrong with me
The reality is odd / changed / slipping
I will die if left to my own

... and all of these can be tackled in therapy, by CBT or other modalities.

It's feelings, not facts. ;)