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- #5,125
littleoc
VIP Member
Please keep in mind that post above might be a bit biased because I don't get along with that man, but I did keep it honest. The neighbors only heard him yelling, not me and friend moving a tarp.
But anyway. Back to business.
I have a trans man friend who had similar experiences with my ex (didn't date her, he's gay, just also knew her back in the day) and constantly voiced frustrations that Brandi was so odd about telling everyone else what they were. I digress lol
My doctor was really not an ally for this and made it a lot worse. I have come off estrogen permanently though and I am not going to go back on it again. She told me I had to or I'd get cancer, but I did research of my own and found out that was false. She may have learned more since she told me that but it wasn't the only strange thing she said to me that I later found out wasn't true, so maybe I just need a new doctor :P I was put on estrogen in high school because my hormones were imbalanced. I'm not sure what other treatments there are but being on estrogen was a great source of discomfort for me and stayed that for years. I'd hide the pills instead of taking them sometimes, but my mother would scream at me if she found them and she started searching, so I just started taking them until I was in college and could have a better idea of what I actually wanted. Doctor still put me back on them a few times and I would stay on them for a while and then come back off again when I started losing my facial hair growth, lol.
In past years I really latched onto the fact that I might be intersex, because a doctor speculated this based on how one of my ovaries has been behaving, but I lost insurance before I could get this verified. I was really hoping it was true because having some explanation I could point to like I was supposed to be born different would be comforting. I feel guilty saying that, though. I know intersex people who have a hard time in life and one who even got PTSD from the way the world and the medical community treated them so I try to keep these thoughts to myself out of respect.
I don't know why I'm so worried I'm going to get called out for this though. I befriended a friend's little "sister" (who just turned thirteen) recently and he let me know he's a he/him and they/them and I didn't laugh at him. I'd be angry if anyone did. The fact that I got laughed at and ridiculed and had my mom tell me I was trying to trick people on the internet into "falling in love with me" (which I still don't understand???) is pretty weird. Who treats a kid like that?
And my ex's girlfriend's little sibling is also nonbinary. I've befriended them at the gas station they work in recently and when I heard the new pronouns I just told them I'd practice and try not to mess them up. As in, this isn't unheard of and I'm clearly not just trying to be a unicorn here. So why do I feel that way?
When my manager at work told me to trim my facial hair because it might disturb customers, I SHOULD have filed for harassment. Instead I just assumed this was a normal and natural thing to say and I went home and I trimmed off my very tiny, hard to see red beard that I love is red, because it means I have one copy of the redhead gene, MC1R, and if I had kids with someone else who had one copy, there's a chance we'd have a redhead child, lol. It's not long and it's not that noticeable so I can only assume this is from teenage me listening to my grandma explain why I needed to wax my entire face except for my eyebrows.
I rambled a bit. I suppose that's fine though, I've been locked inside too long :P
You definitely don't sound that way, don't worry. Your input helped, thank you
But anyway. Back to business.
Same. I've started locating a looooot of memories from childhood that are very "I'm not comfortable being called a lady by my teachers or classmates" or "I'm changing my name for a while to reflect being nonbinary" before that was a term in my community. I started out here being very, very careful not to reveal a gender also. Felt wrong. I've done the same things on a lot of websites and heavily avoided showing my face if I could. The sound of my voice sometimes weirds me out and my boobs being too big is something I have to actively ignore if I don't want to get too anxious. I feel silly typing it, but hey. I went by a lot of different names that were either completely genderless or had neutral/female variants. Like going by Nic from Nichole or Al from Allie. Things like that. Brandi (my ex) called me names that were genderless completely, though she eventually messed that up quite a bit.
I have a trans man friend who had similar experiences with my ex (didn't date her, he's gay, just also knew her back in the day) and constantly voiced frustrations that Brandi was so odd about telling everyone else what they were. I digress lol
My doctor was really not an ally for this and made it a lot worse. I have come off estrogen permanently though and I am not going to go back on it again. She told me I had to or I'd get cancer, but I did research of my own and found out that was false. She may have learned more since she told me that but it wasn't the only strange thing she said to me that I later found out wasn't true, so maybe I just need a new doctor :P I was put on estrogen in high school because my hormones were imbalanced. I'm not sure what other treatments there are but being on estrogen was a great source of discomfort for me and stayed that for years. I'd hide the pills instead of taking them sometimes, but my mother would scream at me if she found them and she started searching, so I just started taking them until I was in college and could have a better idea of what I actually wanted. Doctor still put me back on them a few times and I would stay on them for a while and then come back off again when I started losing my facial hair growth, lol.
In past years I really latched onto the fact that I might be intersex, because a doctor speculated this based on how one of my ovaries has been behaving, but I lost insurance before I could get this verified. I was really hoping it was true because having some explanation I could point to like I was supposed to be born different would be comforting. I feel guilty saying that, though. I know intersex people who have a hard time in life and one who even got PTSD from the way the world and the medical community treated them so I try to keep these thoughts to myself out of respect.
I don't know why I'm so worried I'm going to get called out for this though. I befriended a friend's little "sister" (who just turned thirteen) recently and he let me know he's a he/him and they/them and I didn't laugh at him. I'd be angry if anyone did. The fact that I got laughed at and ridiculed and had my mom tell me I was trying to trick people on the internet into "falling in love with me" (which I still don't understand???) is pretty weird. Who treats a kid like that?
And my ex's girlfriend's little sibling is also nonbinary. I've befriended them at the gas station they work in recently and when I heard the new pronouns I just told them I'd practice and try not to mess them up. As in, this isn't unheard of and I'm clearly not just trying to be a unicorn here. So why do I feel that way?
When my manager at work told me to trim my facial hair because it might disturb customers, I SHOULD have filed for harassment. Instead I just assumed this was a normal and natural thing to say and I went home and I trimmed off my very tiny, hard to see red beard that I love is red, because it means I have one copy of the redhead gene, MC1R, and if I had kids with someone else who had one copy, there's a chance we'd have a redhead child, lol. It's not long and it's not that noticeable so I can only assume this is from teenage me listening to my grandma explain why I needed to wax my entire face except for my eyebrows.
I rambled a bit. I suppose that's fine though, I've been locked inside too long :P
You definitely don't sound that way, don't worry. Your input helped, thank you
