littleoc
MyPTSD Pro
When my mom was my age, she took care of her mom from the house we're both living in now.
Now I'm stuck at home taking care of her. She seems to love it and keeps proudly making references to me being the head of household. So does my sister.
It's making me crazy. I keep trying to give her back her independence and she keeps either abusing it (by immediately doing something stupid like eating a million jellybeans (she's diabetic)) or she keeps refusing to be independent.
I want to move out soon. I feel like I can't because she's not going to do anything to make sure basic things are taken care of once I'm gone. She physically can't take out the trash, for example. She can't take care of her cat, either, and I feel I can't just leave the cat either because she's gotten very attached to me.
Meanwhile I'm worried, on the other side of this, that if I move out, my grandmother is immediately going to put the house up for sale. Which I know she either will do eventually, or she will die and the house still won't be ours. And it's going to end up being my responsibility to get my mom somewhere because she doesn't have a savings and isn't going to do any research on her own.
Has anyone been through this? I can't take care of her. I really just can't. She can't plan ahead. I'm angry I moved back home because my siblings weren't taking care of her either, and she wasn't asking for outside help from anyone else because she is terrified of being a burden, but now she's also got herself relying on me and I really, really, really need space. I've been emotionally distancing myself from her for over a year and she still won't respect my boundaries.
And then half of this is just in my head, my own triggers and my own problems. It's not her fault I don't view her as my mom and I am not ever going to tell her I feel that way.
This feels hopeless. Any advice from anyone who's dealt with this?
Now I'm stuck at home taking care of her. She seems to love it and keeps proudly making references to me being the head of household. So does my sister.
It's making me crazy. I keep trying to give her back her independence and she keeps either abusing it (by immediately doing something stupid like eating a million jellybeans (she's diabetic)) or she keeps refusing to be independent.
I want to move out soon. I feel like I can't because she's not going to do anything to make sure basic things are taken care of once I'm gone. She physically can't take out the trash, for example. She can't take care of her cat, either, and I feel I can't just leave the cat either because she's gotten very attached to me.
Meanwhile I'm worried, on the other side of this, that if I move out, my grandmother is immediately going to put the house up for sale. Which I know she either will do eventually, or she will die and the house still won't be ours. And it's going to end up being my responsibility to get my mom somewhere because she doesn't have a savings and isn't going to do any research on her own.
Has anyone been through this? I can't take care of her. I really just can't. She can't plan ahead. I'm angry I moved back home because my siblings weren't taking care of her either, and she wasn't asking for outside help from anyone else because she is terrified of being a burden, but now she's also got herself relying on me and I really, really, really need space. I've been emotionally distancing myself from her for over a year and she still won't respect my boundaries.
And then half of this is just in my head, my own triggers and my own problems. It's not her fault I don't view her as my mom and I am not ever going to tell her I feel that way.
This feels hopeless. Any advice from anyone who's dealt with this?