coxysmelons93
Not Active
Hi everyone,
I'm new here and I live in the UK.
I was falsely imprisoned and raped in 2013 during which I was strangled, briefly chocked on my own vomit due to having been drugged and at one point he pinned me against a wall with his hand pressed over my mouth and nose trying to stop me from shouting for help (I couldn't breathe and he just kept pressing harder and harder).
Since then I have had various therapies and medications and have worked really hard to get to the point I am at now. Since I had EMDR in 2018 I have found my symptoms are almost absent with the exception of occasional significant triggers and during the anniversary each year (8-10th February). I have actually been generally happy recently.
That all changed earlier this week when it was announced that 'face coverings' will be made 'mandatory' in all shops in England on 24th July and those not complying will be fined. As I sometimes wear a mask at work (only when stood very close to people) I initially managed my anxiety about this OK but the more people started talking about it and how everyone who struggles with it is 'selfish' and basically saying those who experience breathlessness with them are lying or over dramatic, I have found my symptoms coming back.
It is difficult enough wearing one for short periods at work but I have coped by regularly removing it and generally keeping enough distance that it is not needed. At my work it is not strict and I can remove it whenever I need to (I never wear it when exerting myself e.g. climbing stairs and always remove it when more than 2 meters away from others e.g. in an empty office or if I need to drink as I need to stay hydrated due to kidney problems) and all my colleagues are equally reasonable about it (in fact some barely wear one at all). However, I've started to worry that the general public will not be reasonable and if I am in a shop and feel short of breath and panicky I will not be able to remove it or 'escape' the situation due to the social distancing rules and one way systems. I'm not flat out refusing to wear one, I just need to have control over it and be able to remove it if I start to panic or feel like I'm going to have a flashback.
I have spent the whole week having tactile flashbacks of pain in my neck, nightmares and constant intrusive memories of him pressing his hand over my face. The intrusive thoughts are so bad I can't concentrate on anything and had to go home sick from work. I've found myself getting angry easily and having mood swings. I have spent the best part of 3 days crying and unmotivated to do anything (not even run which I normally find helpful).
I did manage to go to the supermarket earlier this week and I just felt sheer panic the whole time, every little sound around me seemed extremely loud and I couldn't think straight about anything except getting out as soon as possible and that was just with a loose silk scarf on my face.
I've asked my Doctor about a medical exemption and he told me everyone just needs to 'self-certify' which I don't feel comfortable doing as I fear it puts me at risk of abuse from people who see me without a face covering and I really, really do not want to have to explain my past to everyone in public every time I need to buy food.
I've looked at online delivery and all slots are booked for the next month so I will have to go to shops but I am absolutely terrified- of feeling short of breath and not being able to escape and of being abused by interfering people if I remove my covering to catch my breath and calm down.
No one has been understanding at all except the Rape Crisis and Samaritans helplines. I feel really alone in this and everywhere I try to turn for help or advice I'm just deemed as selfish or not taken seriously. It's not at all helpful to know it doesn't change your blood oxygen as that doesn't stop it from reminding me of my trauma at all, it still feels very real to me.
I really don't know what to do. I have ordered a visor as an option to try and I hope this can be a substitute if I can't have a medical exemption card. My biggest fear is of this rule being extended to everywhere in the future, which will essentially render me a prisoner in my own flat.
I just need to talk to someone who actually understands and who might be able to give me some advice.
Thank you so much.
I'm new here and I live in the UK.
I was falsely imprisoned and raped in 2013 during which I was strangled, briefly chocked on my own vomit due to having been drugged and at one point he pinned me against a wall with his hand pressed over my mouth and nose trying to stop me from shouting for help (I couldn't breathe and he just kept pressing harder and harder).
Since then I have had various therapies and medications and have worked really hard to get to the point I am at now. Since I had EMDR in 2018 I have found my symptoms are almost absent with the exception of occasional significant triggers and during the anniversary each year (8-10th February). I have actually been generally happy recently.
That all changed earlier this week when it was announced that 'face coverings' will be made 'mandatory' in all shops in England on 24th July and those not complying will be fined. As I sometimes wear a mask at work (only when stood very close to people) I initially managed my anxiety about this OK but the more people started talking about it and how everyone who struggles with it is 'selfish' and basically saying those who experience breathlessness with them are lying or over dramatic, I have found my symptoms coming back.
It is difficult enough wearing one for short periods at work but I have coped by regularly removing it and generally keeping enough distance that it is not needed. At my work it is not strict and I can remove it whenever I need to (I never wear it when exerting myself e.g. climbing stairs and always remove it when more than 2 meters away from others e.g. in an empty office or if I need to drink as I need to stay hydrated due to kidney problems) and all my colleagues are equally reasonable about it (in fact some barely wear one at all). However, I've started to worry that the general public will not be reasonable and if I am in a shop and feel short of breath and panicky I will not be able to remove it or 'escape' the situation due to the social distancing rules and one way systems. I'm not flat out refusing to wear one, I just need to have control over it and be able to remove it if I start to panic or feel like I'm going to have a flashback.
I have spent the whole week having tactile flashbacks of pain in my neck, nightmares and constant intrusive memories of him pressing his hand over my face. The intrusive thoughts are so bad I can't concentrate on anything and had to go home sick from work. I've found myself getting angry easily and having mood swings. I have spent the best part of 3 days crying and unmotivated to do anything (not even run which I normally find helpful).
I did manage to go to the supermarket earlier this week and I just felt sheer panic the whole time, every little sound around me seemed extremely loud and I couldn't think straight about anything except getting out as soon as possible and that was just with a loose silk scarf on my face.
I've asked my Doctor about a medical exemption and he told me everyone just needs to 'self-certify' which I don't feel comfortable doing as I fear it puts me at risk of abuse from people who see me without a face covering and I really, really do not want to have to explain my past to everyone in public every time I need to buy food.
I've looked at online delivery and all slots are booked for the next month so I will have to go to shops but I am absolutely terrified- of feeling short of breath and not being able to escape and of being abused by interfering people if I remove my covering to catch my breath and calm down.
No one has been understanding at all except the Rape Crisis and Samaritans helplines. I feel really alone in this and everywhere I try to turn for help or advice I'm just deemed as selfish or not taken seriously. It's not at all helpful to know it doesn't change your blood oxygen as that doesn't stop it from reminding me of my trauma at all, it still feels very real to me.
I really don't know what to do. I have ordered a visor as an option to try and I hope this can be a substitute if I can't have a medical exemption card. My biggest fear is of this rule being extended to everywhere in the future, which will essentially render me a prisoner in my own flat.
I just need to talk to someone who actually understands and who might be able to give me some advice.
Thank you so much.