My mother is currently my main known trigger! I am sure there are others but I'm not aware of them yet! She is 80+ and lives 60 miles away from me. My dad has passed away and she is alone with a nasty room mate! She abused me mainly emotionally although she also hit me but not as much as my dad did! and neglected me starting at 9! Before 9 starting at 5 she had made me her confidant and would tell me about my dad's infidelities and say he didn't love us! Needless to say, they both royally screwed me up! I became rebellious and spent my life hurting and hating myself. I was never allowed to be a child!
My problem is that she wants me to go visit her! She wants me to call her! I don't do what she expects, but I feel guilty because she is old and not abusive now, unless I let her! I've established boundaries with her so she isn't calling me every day asking me to do this and that for her anymore. But maybe once a month I call her to check up on her, she always says how much she misses me and how much she loves me! My inner child gets triggered around her that's the main reason I don't go around her. I get really bad anxiety when I am around her!
There is a part of me that thinks I should spend more time with her before she passes! But I want to not be triggered by her! I wish I could see her and be OK! But I don't know how! Any ideas on how to not get triggered?
My problem is that she wants me to go visit her! She wants me to call her! I don't do what she expects, but I feel guilty because she is old and not abusive now, unless I let her! I've established boundaries with her so she isn't calling me every day asking me to do this and that for her anymore. But maybe once a month I call her to check up on her, she always says how much she misses me and how much she loves me! My inner child gets triggered around her that's the main reason I don't go around her. I get really bad anxiety when I am around her!
There is a part of me that thinks I should spend more time with her before she passes! But I want to not be triggered by her! I wish I could see her and be OK! But I don't know how! Any ideas on how to not get triggered?