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Pink--
As you stated, yes, I did want to harm him in the worst way possible. It was an evil ugly feeling that I carried for many years. I was a hateful, mean, resentful, spiteful, threatening woman. I was able to let go of the hate. Unfortunately, living in constant fight mode, I have had a hard time letting it go. I am still in fight mode and I am still not the nicest person in the world sometimes. Its like a bad habit that I have to break. Its actually one of my resolutions.. to be nice. I know it sounds silly, but thats how destructive my emotions are to my life.
Yes, the guilt that I feel is related to all of that. I noticed a week prior to my son being injured that he wasnt acting right. But, being a young mom to 2 young kids, and working, I just brushed it off and thought I was overreacting. Then a week later, he was nearly dead. Come to find out that he had been injured the week prior as well. So when I knew he wasnt acting right, I should have listened to my gut and taken him to the DR. I feel like maybe if I had, then the big injuries wouldnt have happened.
No, Ryan isnt doing counseling like some think. He was only 8 weeks old when he was injured. We are doing family counseling right now, and he is doing play therapy to work on Anger Management and Impulse Control issues. He has many medical problems and as much as I wish I could put this all in the past, its so hard when I live it every single day.
Thank you for the message. It's nice to know people care. During family counseling 2 weeks ago I broke down and said aloud that I feel guilty, and why. It was the first time I have ever verbalized it to anyone. However, the therapist, and my husband didnt seem to understand why I would have felt that way. So I feel isolated in my emotions from the rest of the world.. and thats why I am happy that I found the group!
As you stated, yes, I did want to harm him in the worst way possible. It was an evil ugly feeling that I carried for many years. I was a hateful, mean, resentful, spiteful, threatening woman. I was able to let go of the hate. Unfortunately, living in constant fight mode, I have had a hard time letting it go. I am still in fight mode and I am still not the nicest person in the world sometimes. Its like a bad habit that I have to break. Its actually one of my resolutions.. to be nice. I know it sounds silly, but thats how destructive my emotions are to my life.
Yes, the guilt that I feel is related to all of that. I noticed a week prior to my son being injured that he wasnt acting right. But, being a young mom to 2 young kids, and working, I just brushed it off and thought I was overreacting. Then a week later, he was nearly dead. Come to find out that he had been injured the week prior as well. So when I knew he wasnt acting right, I should have listened to my gut and taken him to the DR. I feel like maybe if I had, then the big injuries wouldnt have happened.
No, Ryan isnt doing counseling like some think. He was only 8 weeks old when he was injured. We are doing family counseling right now, and he is doing play therapy to work on Anger Management and Impulse Control issues. He has many medical problems and as much as I wish I could put this all in the past, its so hard when I live it every single day.
Thank you for the message. It's nice to know people care. During family counseling 2 weeks ago I broke down and said aloud that I feel guilty, and why. It was the first time I have ever verbalized it to anyone. However, the therapist, and my husband didnt seem to understand why I would have felt that way. So I feel isolated in my emotions from the rest of the world.. and thats why I am happy that I found the group!
