blissfuldaydreams
Learning
I feel like I've been running from what I went through. I was so young (I still am, as it's only been 3 years), and I just wanted to forget about it and enjoy the new, fun transitions I was going through at college. I feel like I really did for some time there, I just didn't think or talk about it or him for a while. But I'm realizing now I do want to talk about it and that I haven't processed it fully.
I don't know where to go with this, there's so much I want to say. And I know I probably need serious therapy for it.
But I feel like no one understands how truly bad it was, I don't think I even fully understand. I lost myself completely, and my body was taken from me in multiple ways and numerous times. He basically destroyed the person I used to be.
Lately, I feel like I've been getting back to myself. But every time I start to get comfortable with that, being in my body again, I want to crawl right back out. I'm growing and changing, but my body is still the same and I can still feel it. I can still remember how it feels.
I want to forget, I really really want to forget about it all. It was so bad. I know it's not realistic and I need to heal this... I'm just so angry. I'm so angry. It's like I want to deal with this but I also want to delete it from my memory. There's a cologne I've been smelling... I think it may have been his.
I guess I'm wondering if this will ever be possible to fully "get over."
I don't know where to go with this, there's so much I want to say. And I know I probably need serious therapy for it.
But I feel like no one understands how truly bad it was, I don't think I even fully understand. I lost myself completely, and my body was taken from me in multiple ways and numerous times. He basically destroyed the person I used to be.
Lately, I feel like I've been getting back to myself. But every time I start to get comfortable with that, being in my body again, I want to crawl right back out. I'm growing and changing, but my body is still the same and I can still feel it. I can still remember how it feels.
I want to forget, I really really want to forget about it all. It was so bad. I know it's not realistic and I need to heal this... I'm just so angry. I'm so angry. It's like I want to deal with this but I also want to delete it from my memory. There's a cologne I've been smelling... I think it may have been his.
I guess I'm wondering if this will ever be possible to fully "get over."