Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Deleted member 6617]

As someone going through the divorce process right now, I highly encourage you to get your own attorney. Just my humble opinion coming from experience. Take Care Of YOURSELF Jawn.

 

[Deleted member 5760]

Jawn,

I don't speak here too much anymore and I'm gonna do what I always have with this thread and go against the general opinion/advice. You seem like a pretty agreeable guy. Nobody here knows your wife and so I don't think she should be made out to be 'the enemy'. I'm not sure you'd love her so much if she were the great threat she sometimes seems to be in some people's minds.

I would strongly avoid drawn out legal battles if possible. If you can both be grown up people and sit at a table and find a reasonable agreement you're both able to sign you'll be WAY ahead. There is nothing more expensive than bitterness when it comes to divorce. If a form of mediation is something you'd both be willing to participate in I strongly recommend it.

Basically - if you cant, every time you argue - take a bit more out of the pot and hand it to your lawyer. That is the only person who gets rich from bitter divorce settlements. I'm not saying walk in blind. I'm saying get it resolved quickly and agreeably, and on terms both parties can live with. You will BOTH be far better for it imho.

 

[Nicolette]

That is the only person who gets rich from bitter divorce settlements. I'm not saying walk in blind. I'm saying get it resolved quickly and agreeably, and on terms both parties can live with. You will BOTH be far better for it imho.

While I agree in principal superjen no one has mentioned the word "bitter" and by getting his own lawyer I am not against the two of them working most out things themselves but I would recommend a lawyer go over it before signing or finalising anything - seeing first hand people being reasonable and then it biting them financially in the future by a technicality of 'wording' is what I base my opinion on. With my divorce we still had to have a lawyer sign off on it in order for it be registered by the courts as legal but each country to its own and that was 15 years ago and laws change.

Jawn, from what he tells us, is very generous and is not the bitter or mean type. By suggesting his own lawyer I mean it like an insurance policy to ensure he is not doing himself an injustice by being overly agreeable or by not covering all that is required.

 

[Learning123]

I know that nobody has mentioned 'bitter' and nobody wants it to end up that way, but realistically when there are 'true' emotions involved, naturally the bitterness flows, especially from the person who doesn't want the break up, trust me I know. I think what Jen is trying to say is that it is if you 'feel' you can do this in a way where your emotions don't run wild and you can work things out in a controlled and adult way, then why line the pockets of a professional? I guess only you will know what is best Jawn, but best of luck with it, I'm in the process and as hard as I try I am not 'quite' capable of turning off the 'bitterness' but only because there is so much love! say's it all really!

 

[Deleted member 5760]

With all due respect Nicolette - I never said Jawn was bitter and in fact said 'you seem like a pretty agreeable guy' - which is exactly why i recommended and thought a peaceful agreement would be possible in a case like this. I'm not so sure such a resolution would be possible all the time. I believe it is with him for the exact reasons you restated.

(sheesh - pro bono.... NEVER again... :P)

 

[Jawn]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate all of the input. We still haven't sat down to hammer out the details, but hopefully soon as she already spoke with an attorney to "get educated". I've done that too, only I've spoken to 3 different shysters.

I am hoping it stays peaceful and we can resolve it easily and quickly. We'll see I guess. I have covered my ass by making sure she can't clean out my bank account and some basic stuff like that. I have an attorney on stand-by if I need to go that route. If nothing else they can look over anything before I sign it.

My wife did do a couple of things recently that ticked me off and I think her unsupervised visits to the house will be ending shortly. For some reason she decided it was OK for her to take the album with our wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures. I would have thought that would be something that should be discussed and yes, I'm definitely going to mention it to her. If I can find the negatives it won't be a big deal because I will have more pictures made. If I can't, well then we need to scan them...........Now I am starting to wonder what else has disappeared that I don't know about. Sigh.....

I have written up my "list" of things we need to divide and also some thoughts on how to do it fairly and equitably. I am hoping my wife is thinking along the same lines. I guess we can use that as a starting point or we can just sit down with a blank spreadsheet and work it up as we talk.

Jawn

 

[KP the nut]

My wife did do a couple of things recently that ticked me off and I think her unsupervised visits to the house will be ending shortly. For some reason she decided it was OK for her to take the album with our wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures. I would have thought that would be something that should be discussed and yes, I'm definitely going to mention it to her. If I can find the negatives it won't be a big deal because I will have more pictures made. If I can't, well then we need to scan them...........Now I am starting to wonder what else has disappeared that I don't know about. Sigh.....

Hi Jawn, is it possible for you to change the locks to stop unsupervised visits.

I'm usually an honest person but in this case if she asks you could say the lock jammed and you had to replace it.

Just a thought.
I hope it works out for you, protect yourself and your interests.

(((HUGS)))
KP

 

[Jawn]

Well we are meeting Saturday to discuss things, so I will probably talk to her about stuff disappearing without discussion etc. And probably tell her it is time for a clear boundary. I can't go in her place unsupervised and it is only fair for her to do the same. I will probably get the locks changed and get her remote back for the garage. Probably her post office box key too. After all, she has been changing her address on all her mail, so there should be very little coming to the box now.

Any way, Saturday should be interesting to say the least. I guess I will find out how reasonable she is going to be about things.

Jen, most of the time my wife is a nice sweet person, BUT she is a "me first" type of person, so in this situation she might have trouble compromising on things. We'll see if what she wants will work for me too. I definitely don't want to line the pockets of attorney's!

Jawn

 

[ISupportHer]

Yawn,

Again, I don't comment a lot but I think of you often. Take care. We are all here for you.

ISH

 

[Nicolette]

Sounds like your head is in the right space Jawn - going in with the attitude of being fair and reasonable but also knowing what potential issues you may have along with the changes which need to me made. I am proud of you! You're a great man and I'm sorry but I have to agree that your wife, from all I have read, is a "me first" person but at least you have your eyes wide open.

 

[Jawn]

We met to discuss things and it went well for the most part. I got a bit ticked off when she brought up spousal support though. She apparently said no when the attorney asked if she wanted it, but then she listened to him talk about why she is entitled to it, etc. Grrrrr! I got mad and said some stuff and she finally told me to calm down and we would figure out some other alternative. I don't get mad often, but when I do......look out!

Our meeting lasted about 2.5 hrs and we were pretty agreeable on most things. We both left with some tasks to do and will be getting together again soon to talk about those issues. One other sticking point is the equity in the house. She seems to think it is still worth what it was appraised at 3 or 4 yrs ago. Just not the case in today's market. So I have gotten Market Analysis reports from 2 realtors stating what they think it would sell for in the current market, which is much lower than she is thinking. Also, the market value put on the house by the county for property tax values dropped big time as well, so one more thing to back up my argument about the amount of equity available. Any way, hopefully this all resolves peacefully. Oh, one of the realtors I used is a sister of one of my wife's friends (also a co-worker). So hopefully that makes it "feel" better for her that I didn't just find some slime-ball to write me a low estimate.

We also discussed the photo album that disappeared and pictures in general. She brought it back and asked me to make a copy. I've found the negatives for the wedding pictures, but not for the honeymoon trip. If nothing else, that's a lot less to scan!

We also discussed her being in the house unsupervised and I told her the lady attorney I talked to said that it needed to stop. So we talked about her coming out on a weekend and packing up the rest of the stuff she will be taking and a friend has offered to store it for her. She still wants to come take care of the dogs though and suggested that maybe I could put them all in the garage and change the house locks so she couldn't go in there. Haven't finalized anything yet, but it's on the table now.

She will also be giving me her post office box key back because she has changed her address for most of her mail, so no reason for her to get my mail now. I should be getting the key back in a couple of days.

Any way, that's what's been happening recently.

Jawn

 

[KP the nut]

(((Jawn)))

Well done on dealing with all that. It does sound as if you have things covered. Deep down, your wife must know that house prices have slumped, so many in negative equity.

Others will no doubt have better words of wisdom.

I just wanted to let you know I feel for you. Remember to take care of yourself.

Love
KP