I' Am New Here And Need Some Advice.

[Ga5bby]

Leave her alone. You don't take advice very well. I said nothing of what she felt for you, whether it was there or not. Doesn't matter what she says. You need to back off.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

You need to back off.

Now you got more people saying the same thing...even though you completely ignored it.

Believe me, it wont help you to keep acting the way you are!

 

[ironbird]

I have left her alone. I have been trying to come to terms with the way things have ended. So you guys don't think I should try and be just a friend to her in the future?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think give her a break altogether. then see if she will be friends with you.

that's just my humble opinion.

 

[ironbird]

I'm sure from what shes told me she would be feelings too worthless to ever contact me again. If she has regretted breaking things off then I will never know. In one of our last ever convos, she said how much she wanted to keep me in her life as a friend but at that time I said "all or nothing" and told her I couldnt be just friends. Now I can. I know she will never reach out to be friends with me because that was what I said to her. I think she avoided me for that last week and a half to think things over, however her thinking is pretty messed up and has lead her to do what she did. So should I message her in the future asking to be friends?

 

[Ga5bby]

Future as in months years, maybe. Not the near future though.

 

[MurphyJB]

No offense, but if someone acted towards me the way you did towards her, I wouldn't want to talk to them either. Just give her the space she needs. I wouldn't contact her anytime soon.

 

[AmyO]

You have to tread Very lightly on this...If you don't have a diffinitive diagnosis of PTSD then you can't fully be aware of what you are dealing with. I don't have the relationship of bf/gf, but I am the mother of three young boys all diagnosed with PTSD and they are all around the age your girlfriend was when her repetitive attacks happened.

I just learned that with my children that since they hadn't really learned emotions at that age, they don't know how to sort out what they are feeling because they had to suppress everything they felt. Now it is only anger they feel.

To even jokingly talk about leaving or an open relationship with her may have caused something to trip in her head that something was wrong with her. But I cannot and am not saying that you were trying to do it intentionally, but that when it comes down to relationships it is a very long, hard and patient road you are thinking of going. I still see male friends that may be joking with me,but all my head hears is you are a loser.

There are aspects about this that the doctors don't even fully understand yet. If you really think you love her, then you need both eyes wide open. Get all the facts before you both end up hurting. And have you maybe thought about just talking to someone yourself. As a mom with PTSD I see some of my issues in my kids. Dependency could be a colorful way of saying 'I need to feel needed again.'

Good luck to you either way.

 

[ironbird]

You have to tread Very lightly on this...If you don't have a diffinitive diagnosis of PTSD then you can't fully be aware of what you are dealing with. I don't have the relationship of bf/gf, but I am the mother of three young boys all diagnosed with PTSD and they are all around the age your girlfriend was when her repetitive attacks happened.

I just learned that with my children that since they hadn't really learned emotions at that age, they don't know how to sort out what they are feeling because they had to suppress everything they felt. Now it is only anger they feel.

To even jokingly talk about leaving or an open relationship with her may have caused something to trip in her head that something was wrong with her. But I cannot and am not saying that you were trying to do it intentionally, but that when it comes down to relationships it is a very long, hard and patient road you are thinking of going. I still see male friends that may be joking with me,but all my head hears is you are a loser.

There are aspects about this that the doctors don't even fully understand yet. If you really think you love her, then you need both eyes wide open. Get all the facts before you both end up hurting. And have you maybe thought about just talking to someone yourself. As a mom with PTSD I see some of my issues in my kids. Dependency could be a colorful way of saying 'I need to feel needed again.'

Good luck to you either way.

Have you read my last big post? She broke things off with me.... Your advice is very interesting though. I guess because her trauma happened at the age of reason, she probably has nothing to revert back to... all she has known is pain and runing from those feelings... It would be good to talk to you more.

 

[ironbird]

No offense, but if someone acted towards me the way you did towards her, I wouldn't want to talk to them either. Just give her the space she needs. I wouldn't contact her anytime soon.

She doesn't need any space! Shes broken up with me for good! Only because in the previous convo we had to her sending me the break-up text, I made it clear she had to choose: In a relation ship with me or nothing, I told her I wouldn't be friends. She was asking me if we could just be friends. I'm only asking if I should message her sometime because of what she said. If she had just broken it off with me and never mentioned being friends, then I wouldn't be making these posts now and would have moved on. I don't think it makes a difference if I message her in the future in two days or in the future in 3 years... So if you next message to me if "give her space" then please don't bother posting it. I'm asking you to tell me how I should word my message that will be telling her I can be friends with her.

When she sent me that message that was telling me she didn't think we should be togeather, I felt like I saw someone fall of the side of a building. I was saddened because I know that person will die when they hit the ground but I just haven't seen it yet. This translates to, I doubt she will find someone like me again and shes just throwing what we had away because I over filled her 'stress cup' and she couldn't feel right about things anymore. I know she still has feelings for me and she resorted to breaking things off with me from a distance (via text message) because that way she knew she wouldn't cave in to her emotions that would be sitrred up in my pressence. We even jokes about it in the past when shes come over with breaking up and just being friends in mind... After me talking some sense into her and making her feel comfortable in the space of 20 minutes, her 1 week of thinking it over and making her decision is rendered powerless. The last time we that happened I joked about it and said "yet again you come over with your mind made up and after talking to me, go away feeling confused!" we laughed so I know this time shes done it in a way that disarms my "gift of the gab". I know it would be hard for her and am sure she spent that last week not knowing what to do. I'm 100% sure she will want to be friends with me. I'm not sure she could handle it though because she said she'd be bothered if I was with another girl... this means she has feelings and is being a marty about things. Porbably because she feels she doesn't deserve to feel happy...

 

[cherryblossom]

So if you next message to me if "give her space" then please don't bother posting it. I'm asking you to tell me how I should word my message that will be telling her I can be friends with her.

IMHO - Seriously, don't bother sending her a message. Don't give her 'space', just leave her alone. I have read your posts, and seriously think that you just pick out the parts in her behaviour and convo's that you want to believe.

Saying 'don't bother posting it' doesn't really work on a forum, where everyone is allowed to state their opinion. If I read something, and want to comment, then I will.

That said, you are a young, intelligent guy. I would suggest you move on, and enjoy your life. Do what you want to do, and not be swayed by an equally young girl, who has told you she isn't interested. JMHO.

 

[ironbird]

But she said she was interested in being friends...