Sufferer How to get help

[sp33]

When my PTSD is running hot? I “don’t” have PTSD 10 times a day. I’m fawking FINE, dammit.

Part avoidance, part stubbornness. It’s kept me both alive, & sparkling, on too many occasions…. to discount. It’s a very real thing. Even if, or maybe especially if? A symptom. I. Am. Fine.

When my PTSD is “just” symptomatic? I can work around it… in umpteen different ways. But? Spikes happen. And I do, what I do.

I had zero therapy the first time my PTSD went sideways… and still? Got my head and my heart unf*cked, in about 5 years. The second time my PTSD went sideways? I figured therapy would shorten that time frame. It DID NOT. But? It DID more educate me / holistic up / create 3D understanding of what I was / am… dealing with.

Therapy isn’t for everyone.

But? It’s a cheat sheet / not reinventing the wheel.

Maybe it will help you. Maybe it won’t. Depends on the intersection of you & them.

Well, I already fired my counselor. I do have a doctors appointment coming up in a couple weeks to discuss medication and other options. I was on Lexapro but it gave me horrible nightmares and I had to stop taking it. It also made me so numb. I feel like most therapists/counselors dont have a good understanding and are just "way off" in how they approach me and my "issues". I also feel like the only people that can get help are rich people who can afford the ridiculous fees for counseling. The last one I went to charged $245 for 45 minutes. Thats $10 a minute. That is disgusting!!!!

 

[Survivor3]

Thats the thing. I have no family, they are all gone and I cant seem to make friends. I have co-workers but not friends. I just cant seem to make a connection with people. I am truly alone. Sometimes I feel like I am just an unlikable person because know one ever invites me to do things or shows any interest in me. I have two dogs that are my world and I worry what is going to happen to me when they are gone. I really dont have hobbies, they are expensive and money is tight. I love to garden and do yard work but I can only afford a small apartment so that is not an option. I know, I sound so pathetic.

Nope! You don't sound pathetic, you sound like an open minded person trying to do their best in a tough time. I'm sorry to hear you have no family, and also, I didn't have friends for a really long time because I was so unwell so I know what that's like, really lonely and desperate much of the time. Kudos for you for holding down a demanding job though! And I understand how much you love and appreciate your dogs and that money is a concern.

When my parents had a dog we used to speak to other people frequently as dogs are a good ice-breaker. Is it possible to use social media to find dog walking or hiking groups to get you out with other people for the possibility of making new friends? Just and idea. And if you think about it there are quite a few things you could do that are low cost. Sports and crafts.

 

[sp33]

Nope! You don't sound pathetic, you sound like an open minded person trying to do their best in a tough time. I'm sorry to hear you have no family, and also, I didn't have friends for a really long time because I was so unwell so I know what that's like, really lonely and desperate much of the time. Kudos for you for holding down a demanding job though! And I understand how much you love and appreciate your dogs and that money is a concern.

When my parents had a dog we used to speak to other people frequently as dogs are a good ice-breaker. Is it possible to use social media to find dog walking or hiking groups to get you out with other people for the possibility of making new friends? Just and idea. And if you think about it there are quite a few things you could do that are low cost. Sports and crafts.

Thank you for your kind words. I am not in law enforcement anymore but do work on an ambulance that specializes in homelessness and mental health crisis, and people with complex medical and social needs. Which at times, I think is more stressful than being a police officer. I work with people that are in such horrible situations and do what I can to help, but this type of work is the only thing that makes me feel whole and alive.

So, one of my dogs is a German Shepherd and he is very intense and intimidating. I have to be careful with him because he wants to eat other dogs (except for his sister, a Carin Terrier) LOL!! and for that reason, I have to stay away from others walking their dogs. Not an excuse, its a very real thing. He loves people though. I do what I can to entertain myself. Social media is not my thing. I just dont like having all my "stuff" out there.

My co-workers are crisis counselors, paramedics and nurses on the ambulance I work on, called Squad 1. I am close with them but not to the point of socializing outside of work.

Its kinda funny, because I am lonely but want to be alone.

 

[Survivor3]

@sp33 I understand . I used to hate being on my own but needed it because I needed to start enjoying myself being on my own. Loving myself. Respect to you for what you do with your job. I just hope you can somehow start feeling better within yourself.

 

[Shaylee]

As a general rule, trauma therapy gets worse before it gets better.

This and more this.
I avoided therapy for decades. I read self-help book after self-help book. I finally decided to last year. Months of research therapist because I had no idea what I needed. I just read the little tidbits they wrote about themselves. Finally, one day one just resonated. For me she talked about being non-judgmental. That is something I saw and realized for me it is an absolute must. She also had some YouTube introductions about her and her therapy style. I saw her for the first time in January, she had me diagnosed in less than hour. (Ironically I was not happy about that since I had spent years ).

The insanity that has ensued since then has absolutely turned me upside down and inside out. I found this site because it was mentioned in one of the books my T gave me and all I can say is, “Thank the stars”. But I really have come to appreciate my T. She “gets” me. Sometimes unnervingly so. For instance, in our first session she said “I am pretty sure this will happen sooner rather than later, so I am going to say now, this won’t be easy, it will be hard, and it will take a long time, just promise me you won’t give up at the first frustration.” I promised and there were times I hated her for making me promise and hating myself for always trying to keep my promises.

during our 2nd session she repeatedly kept saying eventually. I asked why, she said she knew I wanted everything to be easy and to get to an end point as fast as I could but was letting me know it wouldn’t be overnight, but it would happen as long as I didn’t give up. Thank the universe she was insistent on letting me (or my mind rather) know that.

I am on disability, she doesn’t accept my insurance, I can only afford once a month. But she has a messaging system. Also I upload my notes, observations and questions of the god forsaken books I am currently reading to better understand myself. And sometimes my journal entries that may be particularly bad. I also upload any ‘assignments’. We are working on grounding exercises as I am always a bundle of nerves and crazy When I meet her. Sometimes we talk about my uploads , sometimes not. She wants me to do more but has been fantastic about understanding my financial limits. And if there are things that happen I upload what happened so there is current recollection. She then reads everything and will absolutely comment on all of it but always ask what I am comfortable discussing first or anything. Basically playing catchup. It definitely isn’t ideal but better than not having anyone at all, especially an expert when shit really hits the fan. shit will not only hit the fan, but it will fly in your face and drowned you at times. However, she is there for me to help me understand what happened,clean it up, and how to hopefully make it less messy the next time. Because there will be a next time.

I love to garden and do yard work but I can only afford a small apartment so that is not an option.

Don’t forget, anything you can grow outside, can be grown inside. The plethora or ways to grow things indoors is rather amazing. Don’t need anything fancy

I sound so pathetic.

No, you sound like a human being who’s frustrated.

Social media is not my thing. I just dont like having all my "stuff" out there.

If online isn’t your thing you can always see if Meetup.com has anything that interests you. The bigger the area the more things obviously but many are cheap/free to join up with. Outdoors, indoors, online.

 

[sp33]

This and more this.
I avoided therapy for decades. I read self-help book after self-help book. I finally decided to last year. Months of research therapist because I had no idea what I needed. I just read the little tidbits they wrote about themselves. Finally, one day one just resonated. For me she talked about being non-judgmental. That is something I saw and realized for me it is an absolute must. She also had some YouTube introductions about her and her therapy style. I saw her for the first time in January, she had me diagnosed in less than hour. (Ironically I was not happy about that since I had spent years ).

The insanity that has ensued since then has absolutely turned me upside down and inside out. I found this site because it was mentioned in one of the books my T gave me and all I can say is, “Thank the stars”. But I really have come to appreciate my T. She “gets” me. Sometimes unnervingly so. For instance, in our first session she said “I am pretty sure this will happen sooner rather than later, so I am going to say now, this won’t be easy, it will be hard, and it will take a long time, just promise me you won’t give up at the first frustration.” I promised and there were times I hated her for making me promise and hating myself for always trying to keep my promises.

during our 2nd session she repeatedly kept saying eventually. I asked why, she said she knew I wanted everything to be easy and to get to an end point as fast as I could but was letting me know it wouldn’t be overnight, but it would happen as long as I didn’t give up. Thank the universe she was insistent on letting me (or my mind rather) know that.

I am on disability, she doesn’t accept my insurance, I can only afford once a month. But she has a messaging system. Also I upload my notes, observations and questions of the god forsaken books I am currently reading to better understand myself. And sometimes my journal entries that may be particularly bad. I also upload any ‘assignments’. We are working on grounding exercises as I am always a bundle of nerves and crazy When I meet her. Sometimes we talk about my uploads , sometimes not. She wants me to do more but has been fantastic about understanding my financial limits. And if there are things that happen I upload what happened so there is current recollection. She then reads everything and will absolutely comment on all of it but always ask what I am comfortable discussing first or anything. Basically playing catchup. It definitely isn’t ideal but better than not having anyone at all, especially an expert when shit really hits the fan. shit will not only hit the fan, but it will fly in your face and drowned you at times. However, she is there for me to help me understand what happened,clean it up, and how to hopefully make it less messy the next time. Because there will be a next time.


Don’t forget, anything you can grow outside, can be grown inside. The plethora or ways to grow things indoors is rather amazing. Don’t need anything fancy


No, you sound like a human being who’s frustrated.


If online isn’t your thing you can always see if Meetup.com has anything that interests you. The bigger the area the more things obviously but many are cheap/free to join up with. Outdoors, indoors, online.

Thank you all for your responses. It does help!!! My struggles are very personal and private and I am very good at hiding things and putting a smile on my face and pushing forward. I try to be kind to everyone because you never know what battles they are fighting. Getting a diagnosis of PTSD has been difficult for me to accept because I am supposed to help people and not be the one who needs help. I keep thinking that I will wake up one day and feel all better but the reality of that not happening sucks, because there will always be another trigger. The slamming doors and banging in my apartment trigger me so badly that I live inside my apartment in noise-canceling headphones (thank god for them).

 

[Shaylee]

Getting a diagnosis of PTSD has been difficult for me to accept

Oh heavens to Betsy do I hear you on it being difficult to accept. I personally wonder if it ever goes away.

because I am supposed to help people and not be the one who needs help

Sooo, I know this feeling all to well… but… try googling the percentage of therapists who do therapy… If they are ok with it as individuals who go to school and practice what they preach, who am I to argue. At least that was my personal experience/perspective

Or you can think of Ironman, even he needed help even when loathe to admit it

The slamming doors and banging in my apartment trigger me so badly that I live inside my apartment in noise-canceling headphones (thank god for them).

Then I really would grow plants indoors. They are natural noise buffers, obviously not as good as noise canceling but better than nothing when you are not able to have your headphones on.


Forgive me if I am being intrusive but I am curious...Could the impatient aspect be more of a ‘sense of urgency’ (hyper-arousal) than actual impatience? You want it fixed but want it fixed yesterday Kind of thing? If it doesn’t get fixed yesterday than all is lost and will forever be broken? Almost like an emergency? Again, no need to answer.

 

[sp33]

Oh heavens to Betsy do I hear you on it being difficult to accept. I personally wonder if it ever goes away.


Sooo, I know this feeling all to well… but… try googling the percentage of therapists who do therapy… If they are ok with it as individuals who go to school and practice what they preach, who am I to argue. At least that was my personal experience/perspective

Or you can think of Ironman, even he needed help even when loathe to admit it



Then I really would grow plants indoors. They are natural noise buffers, obviously not as good as noise canceling but better than nothing when you are not able to have your headphones on.


Forgive me if I am being intrusive but I am curious...Could the impatient aspect be more of a ‘sense of urgency’ (hyper-arousal) than actual impatience? You want it fixed but want it fixed yesterday Kind of thing? If it doesn’t get fixed yesterday than all is lost and will forever be broken? Almost like an emergency? Again, no need to answer.

That is exactly it. I struggle with hyper-arousal and hyper-vigilance. I am constantly in flight or fight mode. When I go tho therapy, I just want to get to it and not have to do all these silly little things.

 

[Sideways]

. I really dont have hobbies, they are expensive and money is tight.

My dog’s hobbies are my hobbies!

He loves walkies. So we go places he’ll like to walk. I am, by the point, resident expert on the best doggie trails in my corner of the state!

With an alsatian? I mean, yeaaaaaah! Scent work. Jump online and find the groups in your region of the world that do recovery work. You can have some much fun training that stuff, and doggo would loooove it! The really awesome thing about those types of hobbies are that our dog’s achievements become our achievements.

And gardening? There’s something incredibly healing about getting my hands into dirt, and nurturing plants. I know people who have gotten into bonsai and orchids in a big big way due to apartment-living. But we also have groups in our area where you can help revitalise native bushland areas - learning a tonne, being part of a group with a common goal and set of interests, doing a thing that takes massive pressure off the need to be ‘social’ while still making human connections.

It’s not build Rome in a day situation. And that’s not me saying “try those exact things”. Unfortunately, ptsd is one of those conditions that tends to limit our brain’s ability to see and embrace broader opportunities for pleasure, like those, so, just hoping to offer some inspiration:)

The last one I went to charged $245 for 45 minutes.

My current T is a psychiatrist. He charges me $450 for a 45 minute appointment (which is even more USD).

And he’s worth every cent!

Some of them aren’t worth a cent. But the good ones are worth their weight in gold.