Sufferer How to get help

[sp33]

Hello,
I just found this support group and thought i would give it a try after several therapy failures. I cant make it past a second therapy session. I feel like they just dont get it and i get so angry and annoyed. I recently got triggered by a manager at work who treated me poorly. Im still kinda spinning out over it. I just cant seem to get back to base line whatever that is. I know i need help but i hate therapy. I am ex law enforcement and have been living with ptsd for awhile but just got diagnosed. When im triggered, i act out and then have to live with the embarrassment of my behavior, which makes me feel even worse. How do i get better?

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello,
I just found this support group and thought i would give it a try after several therapy failures. I cant make it past a second therapy session. I feel like they just dont get it and i get so angry and annoyed. I recently got triggered by a manager at work who treated me poorly. Im still kinda spinning out over it. I just cant seem to get back to base line whatever that is. I know i need help but i hate therapy. I am ex law enforcement and have been living with ptsd for awhile but just got diagnosed. When im triggered, i act out and then have to live with the embarrassment of my behavior, which makes me feel even worse. How do i get better?

Hi there,
I want to extend a warm welcome to you here at myptsd.com. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, especially after feeling let down by therapy in the past. Many individuals with PTSD and CPTSD struggle to find therapists who truly understand their experiences, so you are not alone in feeling that way.

It's completely understandable to feel frustrated and overwhelmed, especially after being triggered by a manager at work. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. Please know that healing from trauma is a journey, and it's normal to have setbacks along the way.

In this community, you can connect with others who can relate to what you're going through. Sharing your experiences and feelings with people who understand can be incredibly healing and validating. It's important to remember that there is hope for recovery, and taking small steps towards healing can make a big difference.

If you're hesitant about therapy, there are other resources and support options available. Here on myptsd.com, you can find forums specifically tailored to different aspects of PTSD and CPTSD where you can seek advice, share your story, and connect with others who can offer support based on their own experiences.

Don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. You deserve support and understanding as you navigate your healing journey. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and to take care of yourself.

 

[whiteraven]

Welcome!

I cant make it past a second therapy session. I feel like they just dont get it and i get so angry and annoyed.

Hm...

How do i get better?

Well...seems like you recognize why you don't go back to therapy. How about trying to explore the ideas that you think they don't get it with them? Or just trying to talk about being angry and annoyed with the therapist? I completely get how you feel--I feel like that a LOT, but I go back (usually--I do take breaks) because I realize that getting mad and blowing the therapist off really only makes it worse. I have complete control over whether I choose to go back or not, and it took me awhile to realize that I was getting in my own way by not dealing with how I felt about the whole thing. Once I was able to get past that (mostly), we were able to focus on other stuff.

Again, welcome!

 

[sp33]

Thank you for replying. I just don’t get it. The therapists never want to address my trauma and instead have me do stupid things like visualize a river. I can’t focus long enough at this point to do visualization. My last session, all I could hear was slamming doors in the hallway, which annoyed my so much and could not focus. I think I just need to find the right therapist but I am financially limited and can’t pay the high rates of therapy.

 

[whiteraven]

The therapists never want to address my trauma and instead have me do stupid things like visualize a river. I can’t focus long enough at this point to do visualization.

You said you never make it past the second session--sounds like your therapist is trying to get you stabilized (like, for one thing, be able to focus) before delving into anything deeper. I would be very worried if, on the first session, my therapist wanted to dive into the trauma. Especially if I couldn't focus or couldn't manage my anger.

What do you think might happen if they immediately wanted to dive deep into your trauma, but you weren't really stabilized enough to manage it?

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

sounds like your therapist is trying to get you stabilized (like, for one thing, be able to focus) before delving into anything deeper.

Exactly this.

Good trauma Ts aren’t going to start cracking open trauma stuff until you have a degree of stability and an ability to regulate when you get distressed. If they do? That very quickly spirals out of control, and you end up not just worse off, but worse off and unable to bring yourself back to functional.

As a general rule, trauma therapy gets worse before it gets better. So it invariably involved going a whole lot slower than we want it to. Try and have some patience. The skills you learn to cope with therapy are skills that you can apply in a very useful way to life outside therapy.

 

[Jewell]

Thank you for replying. I just don’t get it. The therapists never want to address my trauma and instead have me do stupid things like visualize a river. I can’t focus long enough at this point to do visualization. My last session, all I could hear was slamming doors in the hallway, which annoyed my so much and could not focus. I think I just need to find the right therapist but I am financially limited and can’t pay the high rates of therapy.

don’t give up on the meditation / river
Breathe throughout
Exhale longer than inhale
Please try FREE app insight timer
Tons of stuff to regulate you
Search there for a brain massage and lay in bed eyes closed/ or better an eye mask

I know all this sounds woo woo but just try it

 

[Friday]

I just found this support group and thought i would give it a try after several therapy failures. I cant make it past a second therapy session

During one of my worst runs of luck? I interviewed over 200 trauma therapists, over the period of a couple years, before finding one I could work with. About 10 hours away.

More typically? It’s 5 or 6, and less than an hour away, before finding a “good fit” personality & training wise.

But?

Therapy is like any other job… people live where the work is. So trauma therapists who specialize in MY trauma history? Weren’t local, because I moved as far away from “my” life / my history, as possible. So, fairly unsurprisingly? People who specialized in “my” life/history were rare, at best. Which then? Weighs personality to the hilt. It’s like the difference of 1 shoe shop in town and 50,000 shoe shops. To find someone I could work with who BOTH had experience in what I needed AND who had a personality that “fit” my own? I had to travel.

First world countries? Specialise in first world problems. Domestic violence. Child abuse. Rape. Childhood sexual abuse. Military. Gang Violence. You can find those specialties in every durn major city in the US. You have something more specialized? You’ll need to search farther afield. You don’t? And have common first world problems? Then expect to interview maybe 5-15 individuals until you find a personality match.

 

[sp33]

You said you never make it past the second session--sounds like your therapist is trying to get you stabilized (like, for one thing, be able to focus) before delving into anything deeper. I would be very worried if, on the first session, my therapist wanted to dive into the trauma. Especially if I couldn't focus or couldn't manage my anger.

What do you think might happen if they immediately wanted to dive deep into your trauma, but you weren't really stabilized enough to manage it?

Thank you for replying. I just don’t think therapy is my thing. I don’t have the patience for it. It’s kinda a cycle for me. I get triggered and spin out for a couple weeks but then I start to feel better and go through denial, like thinking my diagnosis is wrong. But, then I get triggered again. Is this normal?

 

[Friday]

Thank you for replying. I just don’t think therapy is my thing. I don’t have the patience for it. It’s kinda a cycle for me. I get triggered and spin out for a couple weeks but then I start to feel better and go through denial, like thinking my diagnosis is wrong. But, then I get triggered again. Is this normal?

When my PTSD is running hot? I “don’t” have PTSD 10 times a day. I’m fawking FINE, dammit.

Part avoidance, part stubbornness. It’s kept me both alive, & sparkling, on too many occasions…. to discount. It’s a very real thing. Even if, or maybe especially if? A symptom. I. Am. Fine.

When my PTSD is “just” symptomatic? I can work around it… in umpteen different ways. But? Spikes happen. And I do, what I do.

I had zero therapy the first time my PTSD went sideways… and still? Got my head and my heart unf*cked, in about 5 years. The second time my PTSD went sideways? I figured therapy would shorten that time frame. It DID NOT. But? It DID more educate me / holistic up / create 3D understanding of what I was / am… dealing with.

Therapy isn’t for everyone.

But? It’s a cheat sheet / not reinventing the wheel.

Maybe it will help you. Maybe it won’t. Depends on the intersection of you & them.

 

[Survivor3]

Hello @sp33 Welcome to the site.

I understand the frustration of wanting to get to the trauma quickly and talk about the things you know have f*cked you up but that said.... therapy/counselling is a Conversation between 2 people isn't it?? Not a one sided monologue. It's a conversation where statements are made and information is exchanged and ideas are explored.

Be patient with yourself and your counselor. Have faith that this person is trying to not only hear what traumatic events happened to you but to get to know you so they can figure out the best way to help you...and that takes time!

I've had over 150 counselling sessions over a 4 year period! Other people here have had more. I understand the acting out aswell. It was classic behaviour for me over a 20 year period. The guilt and shame was just crushing!!

You asked "how do I get better"?

I would say "go back to counselling" what's your support network like? Friends? Family etc...?

What, if anything makes you happy? Hobbies etc? Do you have any?

 

[sp33]

Hello @sp33 Welcome to the site.

I understand the frustration of wanting to get to the trauma quickly and talk about the things you know have f*cked you up but that said.... therapy/counselling is a Conversation between 2 people isn't it?? Not a one sided monologue. It's a conversation where statements are made and information is exchanged and ideas are explored.

Be patient with yourself and your counselor. Have faith that this person is trying to not only hear what traumatic events happened to you but to get to know you so they can figure out the best way to help you...and that takes time!

I've had over 150 counselling sessions over a 4 year period! Other people here have had more. I understand the acting out aswell. It was classic behaviour for me over a 20 year period. The guilt and shame was just crushing!!

You asked "how do I get better"?

I would say "go back to counselling" what's your support network like? Friends? Family etc...?

What, if anything makes you happy? Hobbies etc? Do you have any?

Thats the thing. I have no family, they are all gone and I cant seem to make friends. I have co-workers but not friends. I just cant seem to make a connection with people. I am truly alone. Sometimes I feel like I am just an unlikable person because know one ever invites me to do things or shows any interest in me. I have two dogs that are my world and I worry what is going to happen to me when they are gone. I really dont have hobbies, they are expensive and money is tight. I love to garden and do yard work but I can only afford a small apartment so that is not an option. I know, I sound so pathetic.