Relationship Seeking a little support while I wait

[Annie1123]

Hello,

My partner of 5.5 years with PTSD / CPTSD is starting to reconnect with me after spending June working 3 jobs and just being overwhelmed with the volume of work. I agreed to not expect him to talk on the phone or meet in person during June, although that was a really difficult thing for me to do. So, for me, there was a lot of pent-up desire to reconnect once July started. The good parts: He called me on Monday and we spoke for 15 minutes and it felt good. He called me on Wednesday evening and we spoke for about 45 minutes and it was a big relief because I had had such a stressful day at work. And, on Thursday he gave me an update that he was still "trying to reach equilibrium" this week and said that "Saturday or Sunday are possibilities."

My challenge is this: He has a really hard time following through when we are making plans together. He said he would call me on Tuesday. When he didn't call, I followed up with him, but he didn't respond to me until Wednesday. On Wednesday evening, I again attempted to make future in-person plans. He said he would call me on Thursday morning. I asked if he wanted to get together in the morning on Thursday, and he said probably not, but he would call me Thursday morning and we could decide when to get together in person. Well, he didn't call me Thursday morning. All he did was text me at 6pm on Thursday and give me his status update "trying to reach equilibrium" and stated his positive intention of "Saturday and Sunday are possibilities."

Unfortunately, that is where I reached my breaking point. He has said "Saturday or Sunday are possible" so many times and then when I've tried to follow up (either on Friday or Saturday) I find that he frequently will not respond to me. I know that it is not personal, but I can't keep going through the ritual of him saying he will do something, me believing him and being desperate for time together and then getting disappointed over and over again with no accountability. So I finally stated a boundary to him yesterday, basically saying that the lack of follow-through is happing so often that I can't trust him when he says "Saturday or Sunday are possible," I really need to know what we will do to commit to a specific day and follow through. He hasn't responded to me yet. And unfortunately, that triggered a lot of anxiety for me last night and when I woke up this morning.

So, all I am seeking from this wonderful community is support in getting through today so that we can hopefully talk together on Saturday or Sunday. I have faith that my partner is trying his best. And if he is having difficulty responding this weekend I can try dropping by his home and we can gently reconnect that way.

Thank you!

 

[Friday]

Speaking as a sufferer? I learned a loooooong time ago not to make future plans when I’m doing badly.

When I’m doing well? No worries! I have plans at LEAST 2 years out, as well as daily/ weekly/ monthly/ seasonally/ annually. That’s “normal”. And easy as.

But when I’m doing badly? 2pm (today!) is like being asked to make plans for 14 million years from now, in Narnia. It’s insane. Because A) I’d be loooooong dead & B) Narnia is fiction, not real. It. Just. Doesn’t. Parse. But? I still used to do it. Because I knew it was normal/expected… even though I had no f*cking clue what state of mind, or physical ability, I’d be in …however many hours later 2pm today was. Which destroyed IDFK how many friendships/relationships. As I’d “wake up” at 5pm, or next week, having completely missed my 2pm Tuesday thing. With a hurt/angry person on the other end, which is an entire other hurdle (dealing with someone else’s emotions, when I can barely manage my own).

Seeeeeeriously.

When I’m doing badly? Normal scheduling is like being asked to set an appointment 14 million years from now, in a fictitious place.

There are umpteen ways of HIDING that, once you truly understand this is “just” part of your life, so you do NOT make “normal” plans with people, which leaves them a clustef*ck of feelings to also be dealt with… that clearly? Your beau has not learned, yet. As he’s still attempting plans beyond his ability.

 

[Annie1123]

Yes, that's still a work in progress! It's easy to not remember that it's a symptom sometimes.

 

[Friday]

Yes, that's still a work in progress! It's easy to not remember that it's a symptom sometimes.

LMAO… Cha. Speaking as a supporter, rather than a sufferer? Resisting the urge to THROTTLE my beloveds who haven’t figured out that knack? Or other tips/tricks/workarounds I’ve had in place for eons? Is reeeeeally difficult. And often involves tears and kicking shit. And long deep breaths. And walking away swearing under my breath. And playing dumb.