Childhood Does anyone ever feel embarrassed about being neglected and mistreated as a child?

[Fallfox984]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

 

[megalocardia]

I relate greatly, and I also know the feeling can fade. The people who hurt us should feel the shame, not us. But it is hard not to feel it so deeply when it was ingrained so much in our beliefs as children, via actions or otherwise

 

[Mach123]

Lemme see. I think while my therapist told me it wasn’t my fault for a couple years I yelled at her and tried to get her to fire me so I wouldn’t have to say the things I eventually told her . I still
Come up with stuff that was years ago. Last week I told this current therapist some thing and I said to her, I’ve never said that to another human being in my entire life. That may or may not have been true but it felt like it . Close to the truth that’s for sure .

 

[LemoNadka]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

Hello, I understand how you feel, because I've also had a child traumatic experience, and I remember that scene like it was yesterday. After I happend I felt disgusting and ashamed. And I went to my mum working place, I couldn't look at her. And I had no idea how to tell her. But it was eating me inside and I had to tell her. So I finally did. My parents had him reported to the police and he was fired by this place where they selled candies and newspapers and stuffs. But after that, that was never ever brought back. And now in my life I feel so stupid. I hate myself for letting this thing happend to me when I was a child. But when it happened to me I couldn't scream I became like paralysed. And this is the worst feeling. It had happend later in my life from a manager. And it made my life way worse afterwards. I never speak about it to anyone. Even to therapist. Because I think it's horrible to speak it and don't want to live it again. I also think they wouldn't understand, or care. And to other people I definitely never said it. I think some people feel more relieved after saying it. But for me it has never got different. So I don't know if what I've said has helped you ? I hope it has. Just know that you're not alone .

 

[DSkyler]

Very much understand that shame and embarrassment. It’s tough to recall and reprocess. Anger and hurt seems to underpin those other feelings. Humiliation as well. Being slapped by people who should be taking care of you is humiliating. And adds to the feeling of desperate powerlessness. Thanks for sharing on here. Resonates strongly.

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

right now, i’m feeling embarassed that i never really noticed it, or in some cases never realised the extent of it. which isn’t my fault, but trauma and self-blame are best friends. “how could i not have known something was (this) wrong?” but then i don’t know why i’m embarrassed because i wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it as a child. it wasn’t on me to avoid/fix it somehow.

i think because my much younger siblings are involved in some of it, i feel the shame of not realising and through that not being able to do more than i did, at the time of being in their lives properly. i’m doing something now but i think there’s always a grief with shared family trauma. you want to do more than you realistically could have and that’s tough.

i think abuse feels devaluing too, recently realised i’ve had my boundaried crossed by my dad when i was younger and telling someone that felt… yuck. i don’t want people knowing this about me. it’s not my fault but i’m ashamed to have been treated that way. somehow it feels more embarrassing than mistreatment from non-parental figures. it’s one of those disotrions you pick up along the way i think.

all this to say a lot of us are in the same boat and know in some version of it how this feels.

 

[Bookreader68]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

Yes. I feel ashamed talking about my childhood abuse. I also feel guilty, like I deserved it. I felt like such a scapegoat among my family members. My father, my aunt, my grandmother, my sublings, and at school. It just was so hard and always wondered why I was treated that way.

 

[PamelaS]

Yes. I feel ashamed talking about my childhood abuse. I also feel guilty, like I deserved it. I felt like such a scapegoat among my family members. My father, my aunt, my grandmother, my sublings, and at school. It just was so hard and always wondered why I was treated that way.

So sorry for the abuse from your family. Glad that you found us. This is a safe place to engage with people who understand and are here to support you in your healing journey. Welcome. Wishing you well.

 

[parrotthepolly]

I actually don't feel embarrassed by childhood stuff, really distant from it in a way. I never feel connected with my family tho, guess what I went through really wasn't that bad but it did leave a whole lot of messed up thinking. Possibly have felt it before but have no choice but to pretend it doesn't bother me in a way?
Then again I don't plan to ever talk about it so there's the doubt.

 

[Rose White]

What a powerful thread! Yes, definitely. It’s 8 years after first disclosing to my old T what happened when I was a child. We worked together for 5 years. And I had another therapist after that.

You know? This damn issue still spirals back to me. And I’m currently swirling in it. It’s like a vulnerability hangover. Because… when you grow up like that—proving to your caretakers that you can take care of yourself gets you some form of protection. So, admitting that it was bad? Gets all the f*cking alarms going. Danger

I’m cursing the alarms/protectors because they’re so annoying and uncomfortable and set off a cascade of shame and guilt and sadness and anger etc. That require presence and non-judgment and compassion which are all DAMN hard!! Sometimes I’m just so sick of it! But I can’t flee anymore, sadly. I’ve grown enough where I have to sit with it and bear it and it still sucks—doesn’t seem to get easier just changes depending on the situation.

 

[PamelaS]

Whenever I talk to my therapist about things that happened when I was little, I feel embarrassed and ashamed later. One of the biggest times was when I talked about being slapped really hard when I was a toddler. It does feel exposing, but it doesn't seem like it's just because it feels too vulnerable. I think I'm really embarrassed to talk about being hurt (physically yes but mostly emotionally) and not being cared for when I was a child. It feels like I'm sharing all of these examples of reasons why I'm less valuable than other people. It makes me feel like I'm dirty/damaged goods. I think part of me also worries that by telling my therapist (or anyone) these things, that I'll convince them that I'm not worthy of their care either. It's a really deep and heavy thing and I feel a lot of shame whenever I talk about it, even as I'm writing this. Can anyone relate?

I’m sorry for your struggle. I think that after a person has been treated badly for a long time, they may have a hard time believing the truth about themselves. It’s not your fault that you’re feeling that way. It’s not your fault that they treated you that way. But it is possible to break free of that. It is possible to see yourself as a fully human, worthy and good person. It may take some time. My son still victim blames after 24 years for something that he had no control over, and I had no knowledge of. I’m continually trying to break him up that by speaking the truth to him. I encourage you to continue to engage here so that you can hear the truth about yourself. You’re not to blame. Even though you feel things when you talk about it, it’s not your fault. Try to fight those thoughts and those feelings by rejecting them right away and start learning about the truth about yourself, it’s a good thing about yourself. Maybe start making a list of good things about yourself so you can keep reminding yourself the truth. It will take time, but with perseverance, you can breakthrough from this. Wishing you all the best as your persevere through this to get to a better place.