Why hadn't i thought this through? - Mandated Disclosure

[beaneeboo]

15 months in to specialist trauma therapy (dissociative disorder focused), and T and I are finally beginning to get to talking a bit more about the trauma..or at least parts of it.... a very small part.

I was working with one of my teenage parts on writing what is remembered about being at my dad's (in teenage years). And we had decided writing about what emotions are remembered felt OK to do, rather than the 'what' of things which happened.

At one point my teenage part decided not to share any more until we understand how clinical documenting works, when therapists have to report and whether there is a way to discuss what is needed without it leading to my T reporting. And more simply, what things does he have to report and under what circumstances.

In session today T said he has to document everything verbatim. And he has to report if he thinks there could be any risk at all to the public or anyone. Which I totally understand and agree with.

What makes it complicated is that I, adult me, don't feel what we remember is reportable or anything of note. Where as teenage me is very fearful and worried about us saying ANYTHING to T for fear anything will be reported. To the point she'll end the therapy if she feels this could be the case. I experience alot of what she feels and this whole thing is beginning to derail me.

T is now off for 10 days and it was just a shit time to open all this up. It's set lot's of different parts off and I'm feeling so many things and hearing from so many parts.

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed and don't have anyone to share it with.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

That's tough, hope you are doing ok.

Maybe a good thing to have a longer gap between sessions. If it has opened up a lot, it will take time to settle and you most likely will need that time.

I still have a lot I cannot talk about, learned fear when younger is hard to shift.

Would it help to educate teenage you, lots of information online about what is reported, how and the reaults of that. Could research for both with the benefit of both perspectives?

 

[beaneeboo]

That's tough, hope you are doing ok.

Maybe a good thing to have a longer gap between sessions. If it has opened up a lot, it will take time to settle and you most likely will need that time.

I still have a lot I cannot talk about, learned fear when younger is hard to shift.

Would it help to educate teenage you, lots of information online about what is reported, how and the reaults of that. Could research for both with the benefit of both perspectives?

Thank you @WinnieThePoohChris

Yes I'm wondering whether to do this or just leave it until T is back. I have parts who like to become very critical of me for even bringing up the idea of sharing or looking into it... parts which feel very bad... parts which are fearful and I'm not sure whether educating myself will lead to further reactions and spiralling...

I've worked with my teenage part to recognise what she feels and validate and let her know there's no imminent risk of anything and we're in control... and i think that's helped but I'm not sure it's totally believed

Thank you for getting back as I really needed to just hear from someone, I felt / feel so alone

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

You might be alone in person, but never truly alone.

Anything she wants to talk about? Maybe talking with another sufferer will help?

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

My inner me, doesn't talk, but he's a fierce protector that stands up to giants, even if he just gets hurt in return.

I know what he thinks though, so can share younger me to younger you if that helps.

 

[beaneeboo]

My inner me, doesn't talk, but he's a fierce protector that stands up to giants, even if he just gets hurt in return.

I know what he thinks though, so can share younger me to younger you if that helps.

Thank you... I think she's just very alone. She wants to be able to talk about what's so heavy for her but even before getting to that point, it's like opening Pandora's box just thinking how to do that and the ramifications of it... she wants to be able to speak about things without the threat of clinical documentation and mandatory reporting (particularly because neither she or I feel there's a present day threat to anyone). Because the reporting comes first for the therapist) she can't really speak. Which just fuels the feeling of being alone.

Anyway, I'm going to stop this convo for now as it's nighttime where I am and I think when I talked with her before we had an understanding that, although it's not a great place for us to be in, we're ultimately ok and there's no major risk or threat right now. I think that settled her. So I'm not going to jinx the convo by bringing things up. I think she wants to rest and it's more me that wanted to talk lol

Thank you for thoughts

 

[beaneeboo]

My inner me, doesn't talk, but he's a fierce protector that stands up to giants, even if he just gets hurt in return.

I know what he thinks though, so can share younger me to younger you if that helps.

But equally if you want to share any wisdom I'd love to hear it and I'm sure she will at some point too...

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Haha that's fair, sorry for taking it that way.

 

[beaneeboo]

Haha that's fair, sorry for taking it that way.

No need to be sorry for taking it any way. The way you took it was right.... and I really appreciate your reply. It really has helped me feel less alone so thank you.

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

Only thing I thought was if the therapist doesn't work maybe a peer would.

As much as she needs to deal with things, reckon you are more important in the now.

Hope you are doing ok and having a nice evening/night.

 

[beaneeboo]

Only thing I thought was if the therapist doesn't work maybe a peer would.

As much as she needs to deal with things, reckon you are more important in the now.

Hope you are doing ok and having a nice evening/night.

Yeah I think you're right. Peers can definitely help. I've always found this forum so helpful for that. Being able to turn to here when there is nowhere else in the world to go to. It's an incredible place to have.

It's complicated in my case atm because of my parts having very different needs from each other and from me. Often conflicting meaning moving forward is tricky. But I'm learning it's about collaboration and compromise.

Right now, as adult me trying to stand back and observe the situation from an outside stand point, I'm thinking my work is about addressing the very critical part of me which tells younger parts that it's an awful thing to do to make up such bull shit, that there's something inherently wrong about us and we're bad.... that's been the dynamic of reactions my whole life when trying to talk around this topic. Before my current therapy I would have big reactions internally where part of me would scare and criticise so strongly that I was forced to retreat because of dissociating so badly. Now that's piped down alot I'm just dealing with a less intense version of it. But at least I'm able to actually look at it on one level.

What have you found has helped you in the past?

 

[WinnieThePoohChris]

It sounds like you are making progress and moving in the right direction. You, no part of you is wrong or bad, maybe hurt, pained and suffering, not bad.

I stopped doubting myself, that internal criticism was enflamed and pushed to an extreme by others deciding facts and reasons for themselves and applying it to me without understanding or ever really knowing me. So absorbed by their own problems, issues and opinions that they never actually knew me. I refer to it as armchair psychology and its very damaging.

Suppose it was an extreme form of exposure therapy in some ways. I stopped doubting, criticising myself and told my parts to do the same. Something i did slowly before but quickly more recently, still have ups and downs from mine and others problems but come back to that.

If not accepting, not dealing with something causes it to continue to affect you, continues to make you suffer. You have to deal with it one way or another.