My therapist destroyed me

[Josh_0420]

That sounds super strange. Were you informed at some point of it being temporary?

Yes, I think it makes sense for you to say something to her. Probably best to try to word it in terms that 'sound professional'. Not so much for your sake but because people who are in any professional circles (like in her case, being a counselor) tend to understand such terms better. I suposse you want her to understand that you came into the treatment expecting a professional approach, which means long-term stability. And instead she dropped you without any prior warning.

Therapists are not always that good. In my own personal life I saw about ten therapists, two out of ten were really good, the others were still in some kind of learning curve. The way I see it, hugging is also a no-no for a good counselor because it sets a tone. You don't want to set that sort of tone, counseling needs to be a kind of neutral space where you can rely on the counselor/therapist to be a professional because it is their job. A good counselor genuinely cares, but they will also protect that neutral space for themselves and for you.

It sounds to me like 'good riddance' and better to move on and find a better therapist. Since your GP is already informed, maybe you can book an appointment with them and tell them what happened from your perspective. Tell them that in your opinion, the therapist behaved unprofessionally. The GP can maybe then someone else to see (who does adhere to a more professional conduct).



I agree.

No , wasn’t informed at all she told me all the stuff during the assessment, she decided all that within a week from last time I’ve seen her at the clinic to the assessment.

So I’ve seen her after the assessment, and she was even more weird .

I was like what happened what did I do you completely changed , judgmental etc

She got emotional holding back tears etc then she couldn’t anymore so she told me one second and turned off the camera and audio

She was like I should have put my foot down not take you to my private practice and ended it at the clinic

After that she told me we can continue talking about this next session.

2 days after I had a initial consultation with another psychologist with 25 years of experience she does EMDR too

I told her the entire story from the clinic to assessment to session after when she teared up as soon as I said she got emotional and teared up she told me oh she probably has countertransference she was like probably what happened is she went to her supervisor told him/her what happened then probably was told to cap me because she’s getting way too emotionally involved.

Also my psychiatrist called out countertransference too , I was seeing my psychiatrist for medication it’s for a different reason not because of this therapist

Keep in mind she was same age as me so I guess feelings got way out hand.

So after i saw the psychologist with 25 years I decided to continue with the other one with 12 session cap so emailed her to book in but she completely lost control just because the day before I wasn’t happy with the things she included in my report to insurance I told her I don’t contest to that so she got more strict called my insurance they told her what they need she’s like I’m not going to remove anything in the report and we can discuss it during our session so I booked in.

And 2 days before our session she decided to cancel it terminated by email that’s it !

That’s her email :

I am writing to inform you that I will no longer be able to continue working with you. As a result, your session scheduled for Wednesday has been cancelled.

For any future mental health support, you should contact your GP or primary care provider. I will not be acting as a point of contact for your care going forward.

Please provide your bank name, account name, sort code, and account number so that I can proceed with the refund immediately.

Other than confirming receipt of your bank details and completion of the refund, I will not engage in any further correspondence.

Best wishes,

That’s my reply :

I understand your decision, and I’ll send my bank details in a separate email.

I had been hoping to use Wednesday’s session to apologise for breaking the email boundary and to clarify my intentions around the insurance matter. If you would be willing to keep that one final appointment so I can do that in person and we can end the work in a more contained way, I would really appreciate it.

If not, I fully respect your decision and will not contact you further beyond providing the refund details.

Best regards,

Her reply :

Thank you for your message.



As outlined previously, I will not be able to offer further sessions or enter into further discussion.


Please provide your bank name, account name, sort code, and account number so that I can proceed with the refund.

Best wishes,

After that for last couple days she’s posting weird videos on her instagram, feels like it’s hinting to our situation

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

After that for last couple days she’s posting weird videos on her instagram, feels like it’s hinting to our situation

The whole situation seems completely unhealthy imo. Not okay for a therapist (in my opinion) to break down in tears, to retaliate in any way, or to post shit to social media about her feelings related to her practice or any of her clients.

If she's young, then maybe she hasn't had a practice for very long. Or it could be that most of her experience is coming from books and not so much from a practice of establishing good boundaries in her own life. But that's really just her business.

Unfortunately I'm not very good at providing any empathy, but what's important now is to get your needs taken care of. So figure out what do you need right now in terms of emotional stability. And then see if you can find a good professional who can provide that.

 

[Movingforward10]

Would you want to make a formal complaint?
Her behaviour sounds horrendous and not the behaviour at all of a therapist.
I'm sorry that you have gone through this.
Her practice is harmful.

 

[Josh_0420]

I think a complaint would cause her a lot of damage .

The problem is if I file a complaint it’ll probably go to the clinic that we met at and if they find out they might take legal actions against her for taking me after leaving them .

That’s a huge damage to someone’s life that I can’t live with at all, she will be ruined she might lose everything her license, her reputation and her place .

The thing is if I was seeing her at her private clinic from the beginning I could have easily filed a complaint if she would have turned like that the worst that could have happened is her getting slap on the wrist and more training that’s it

But because my situation is different she might get into huge legal trouble I can’t live with that honestly, that’s like nuking her life carpet bombing .

I literally have emails and reports that is more than enough evidence for a complaint but I know that would be just too much not equal to what she did to me it just feels like it’ll be vengeful

From what I was told by the other psychologist and psychiatrist is she really did have countertransference , she had strong feelings towards you didn’t know how to handle it and she did handle it badly because of all the emotions that was involved, her canceling our session and ending therapy by email just shows how afraid she was from getting emotional and losing control on call again.

When I said she hints on Instagram about her clients I didn’t mean she trash talks them she just says she can help them with this type of thing

For example that’s one of her posts :

Just because something feels intense, doesn't mean it's right for you.


Intensity can come from:

• familiarity
• emotional activation
• patterns your nervous system recognises

Not necessarily alignment.


What's actually good for you tends to be aligned with:

• your needs
• your values
• and your overall wellbeing

Even if it feels quieter.


Even if it feels less intense.


Even if it brings up a sense of grief.


So instead of letting the intensity guide your next move, ask yourself: is what I'm about to do actually good for me?


Clarity isn't about intensity.


It's about alignment.


If you're not sure what's actually good for you, that's something you don't have to figure out on your own.

I checked her website she’s fixing things now saying she can’t work with crisis situations, and she unable to provide emergency or crisis support.

I’ll probably just move on let it go

 

[Movingforward10]

That’s a huge damage to someone’s life that I can’t live with at all, she will be ruined she might lose everything her license, her reputation and her place .

You're victim blaming there. Holding the responsibility for the consequences for her actions. I get it. Do the same (not gone to the police for partly that reason for something that happened to me).
But, you don't know what the outcome of a complaint will be and the complaint is because of what she did.

From what I was told by the other psychologist and psychiatrist is she really did have countertransference , she had strong feelings towards you didn’t know how to handle it and she did handle it badly because of all the emotions that was involved, her canceling our session and ending therapy by email just shows how afraid she was from getting emotional and losing control on call again.

Just this alone is reason for a complaint.

For example that’s one of her posts :

This example, actually is good advice! Whether she is using something from her experience with you, I have no idea. But what she says here is something my T would say.

 

[Josh_0420]

You're victim blaming there. Holding the responsibility for the consequences for her actions. I get it. Do the same (not gone to the police for partly that reason for something that happened to me).
But, you don't know what the outcome of a complaint will be and the complaint is because of what she did.


Just this alone is reason for a complaint.


This example, actually is good advice! Whether she is using something from her experience with you, I have no idea. But what she says here is something my T would say.

Ya she does give good advice on her page it just with me it all went wrong after the clinic

So yes I don’t know the outcome but a complaint would basically make them investigate from the beginning the 3 months I saw her at the clinic and they would probably need to contact the clinic so they might get involved

I’ll think about it for now , I’m not ready to get mixed up with all this , I’ll probably be contacted for long time to hear the part of my story it’ll be back and forth thing I’m not in place for that now

 

[Sideways]

I checked her website she’s fixing things now saying she can’t work with crisis situations, and she unable to provide emergency or crisis support.

It sounds like she’s pretty aware of just how badly she’s screwed up here, and has put in some clear boundaries to make sure it doesn’t happen again. That doesn’t usually happen when Ts screw up!

I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with Ts in the past. And sometimes they need to be ‘held accountable’ I think. But - they’re also human.

So, she screwed up, she’s clearly got herself some professional supervision and put in boundaries around what she can handle in her practice as a result.

If I observed those sorts of positive changes in a T after a screw-up, I doubt I’d follow up on a professional complaint. Complaints come with a personal emotional cost (they’re exhausting, often incredibly stressful), and to be honest, she’s made more professional changes to prevent it recurring than you’d usually see from a professional screwing up.

Just an alternative perspective:)

 

[Josh_0420]

It sounds like she’s pretty aware of just how badly she’s screwed up here, and has put in some clear boundaries to make sure it doesn’t happen again. That doesn’t usually happen when Ts screw up!

I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with Ts in the past. And sometimes they need to be ‘held accountable’ I think. But - they’re also human.

So, she screwed up, she’s clearly got herself some professional supervision and put in boundaries around what she can handle in her practice as a result.

If I observed those sorts of positive changes in a T after a screw-up, I doubt I’d follow up on a professional complaint. Complaints come with a personal emotional cost (they’re exhausting, often incredibly stressful), and to be honest, she’s made more professional changes to prevent it recurring than you’d usually see from a professional screwing up.

Just an alternative perspective:)

Yes that’s true , she actually is making positive changes and probably aware that she screwed up.

She told me last session I should have put my foot down and ended it at the clinic basically saying I bent the rules for you.

She was visibly shaky so probably scared that the clinic might find out .

I don’t feel like I want to file a complaint honestly because that will wreck her career if the clinic ever finds out I went to her private practice after she left the clinic.

Also I felt part of her didn’t want to end it this way but probably supervisor told her to end it right away just cap me to 12 sessions and that’s it say goodbye she was holding back tears then told me to give her moment she turned camera and audio off she was getting emotional , I really think she cared

 

[flesh and blood]

Yes that’s true , she actually is making positive changes and probably aware that she screwed up.

She told me last session I should have put my foot down and ended it at the clinic basically saying I bent the rules for you.

She was visibly shaky so probably scared that the clinic might find out .

I don’t feel like I want to file a complaint honestly because that will wreck her career if the clinic ever finds out I went to her private practice after she left the clinic.

Also I felt part of her didn’t want to end it this way but probably supervisor told her to end it right away just cap me to 12 sessions and that’s it say goodbye she was holding back tears then told me to give her moment she turned camera and audio off she was getting emotional , I really think she cared

I just read this whole thread and I’m so sorry, this whole situation sounds very unhealthy and damaging to you. Very wrong and unprofessional for a therapist to put you in such a position and put this level of distress on to you, that’s really not okay and it’s very negligent especially for high risk patients, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Personally I would send her one last email simply pointing out the damage her unprofessionality and disregard caused you, but also I do have the belief that by explaining how one harmed you it might cause them so self reflect and not repeat that in the future, your opinion might differ. For drafting those emails I found that AI can really help with keeping it professional and get the point across without making it overly personal. What happened with that situation now? I’m curious.

 

[Josh_0420]

I just read this whole thread and I’m so sorry, this whole situation sounds very unhealthy and damaging to you. Very wrong and unprofessional for a therapist to put you in such a position and put this level of distress on to you, that’s really not okay and it’s very negligent especially for high risk patients, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Personally I would send her one last email simply pointing out the damage her unprofessionality and disregard caused you, but also I do have the belief that by explaining how one harmed you it might cause them so self reflect and not repeat that in the future, your opinion might differ. For drafting those emails I found that AI can really help with keeping it professional and get the point across without making it overly personal. What happened with that situation now? I’m curious.

Honestly don’t want to contact her anymore plus when she ended it by email she said Other than confirming receipt of your bank details and completion of the refund, I will not engage in any further correspondence.

Also the email after she said As outlined previously, I will not be able to offer further sessions or enter into further discussion.

So emailing her don’t think would be good idea she might even take it as threat that I want to file complaint or something.

I believe it’s best to leave it there where she ended it and just work with my new therapist on this issue

 

[flesh and blood]

Honestly don’t want to contact her anymore plus when she ended it by email she said Other than confirming receipt of your bank details and completion of the refund, I will not engage in any further correspondence.

Also the email after she said As outlined previously, I will not be able to offer further sessions or enter into further discussion.

So emailing her don’t think would be good idea she might even take it as threat that I want to file complaint or something.

I believe it’s best to leave it there where she ended it and just work with my new therapist on this issue

Yeah that’s completely fair. I wish you the best of luck with this new therapist, hope they’re much better.

 

[ms spock]

I still vote for reporting her.

They get away with these types of things, and they end up doing more damage as their careers progress, but I understand your unwillingness to do so, having been in a similar situation.