Is “all knowing” is the same as “premature intuitive understanding”? Or is it more in the intellectual sense?
I am just learning
@Dark.Green.Feathers. There's probably more meanings than my current understanding. I am learning a lot at the moment.
"All knowing" is like condescending, patronising and their way or the high way. She didn't listen to me. That my insights have no meaning because she is right. She knows what is best. So really I should be doing what she wants me to do at the pace she wants me to do it. Then I will get better. If I am not doing what she wants me to do, at the pace she wants to do it then I don't want to get better. I am choosing to remain like I am.
She spent months telling me to get BS moving after a series of operations. She told me to be like a Sargent Major and get him exercising every day. BS wasn't going to do this. She wouldn't let it go. I didn't want to talk about this. But she is all knowing and she sets the agenda. So I ended up lying and saying he was exercising again.
I sent her emails saying I want to exclusively work on my referral and getting appointments for some psychiatrists. She ignored those emails.
She is the expert, who is there to tell me what I am doing wrong. How I should be doing better. How I need to try harder.
My contributions or comments aren't really necessary or wanted because she knows what is best for me.
I have read recently that high IQ women with Autism don't get given grace like people with pedestrian vocabularies. I think that she's noted that I have a High IQ and has not got the skills to notice how fragmented and profoundly dissociated that I was/am. That's my best guess.
I wanted to set up a referral to A Highly Recommended Psychiatrist. She said there was no need to do that. That she would do a deep dive, find someone really good, that she would take care of me and I could trust her etc which has been a kind of mantra.
I told her that there were few psychiatrists in my area. (She's now sent me an email that she can't assist me in finding a psychiatrist because of a "lack of supply" which of course I know about. The exact reason I was pushing for a referral and a transition handover.
At the last session I attended I told her that the the Highly Recommended Psychiatrist had now closed her books yet again. That I was upset about this development. My psychiatrist didn't listen. She sent me a referral for this particular psychiatrist, who I have told her now has her books closed for many months. And who I have mentioned many times.
"Premature intuitive understanding" she has a framework from her? or a psychiatric? point of view. She has attended trauma informed workshops and thinks she knows about that. So instead of listening to me. It was about getting me to try something and then even if it doesn't works to work hard to do it more. (If it doesn't work then she didn't try another framework. Or look at other strategies that might work for me. She's didn't find a way that works and then building on that millimetre by millimetre). She said to me to always push through and keep going.
I wasn't connected to myself so when I did what she wanted me to do. I would burn bridges because when you are not connected to yourself, you cannot read the room or accurately see what is going on with other people. As I was extreme in my fawning I got myself into all types of fawning troubles. I got used and abused. My psychiatrist was of the opinion if I just kept getting up and got moving then eventually things would come together.
She told me that if I want to get better that I would do what she says to do. Because she has a way she thinks that Complex Trauma and Complex PTSD should be treated. If I didn't do what she thought was the way then I wasn't trying and I didn't get better. She berated me a lot. And the last half of the session was her lecturing me. I wasn't allowed to interrupt or say anything. Which was frustrating because if she didn't understand me then I could not give her what she missed out on.
When my father moved into the regional area to 10-12 blocks away from me in 2013. She wanted me to stop seeing him as a threat. He's stalking me and following me around. I was terrified. He had stalked and attacked me from the time I was 15. She wanted me to keep going. He was escalating.
So she jumped to an assumption of how I should do things. And if it destabilized me she wanted me to try harder.
I was fragmented into many parts. She doesn't believe in parts.
I was also profoundly dissociated and I lived with a lot of personalisation and derealisation. I read floating above myself.
About 467 days ago she did admit that she had no idea of what was really going on with me. I found that profoundly upsetting and shocking as why didn't she ask me? But no she knows best. She wasn't listening to me, so if she had been listening to me then she would have known some of what was going on for me.
It was very frustrating. I felt unheard, not seen, harassed, got at, dismissed, denigrated, belittled and attacked.
Because I was in extreme fawn. So I started to talk about things that interested her intellectually politics and Climate Change etc. So I fawned and fawned. I did my fawning entertaining extreme fawn.
I am not saying that she didn't help me in the beginning of she didn't have skills that weren't useful to me. I have a great deal of respect and affection for her.
She had poor boundaries for therapist/client relationship. Some of her behaviours have been extremely poor indeed and recently she has been abusive to me.
