Both Feet On The Ground

[freakofnurture]

And no distress. Twice. In a chair circle. With 4 other people. For +45 minutes.
This is unbelievably significant for me. Because the reason I am in hospital atm is that I cannot - or could not? - bear group situations, and sitting in a circle of chairs is/was the best way to give me an instant panic attack.
Maybe it's just a glitch in the Matrix and I will be back to 'normal' tomorrow, but even then: I did it. I have to be proud of that, and happy about it. Maybe I'll feel like it tomorrow...

How did I do it? Uh, good question. Conscious relaxation of all muscles during the frightening situation and complete ignor... ation of the fact that it made the tension and fear ~ten times worse initially. I really feel kind of trolled by my psyche.

But I did it. I did not only not freak out during a group session, I didn't freak out while sitting upright with both my feet on the ground like a normal, healthy person. I'm such a champ.

 

[UnderstandingAnxiety]

That's awesome! Good for you freakofnurture! :)

 

[anthony]

Well done.

Actually what I would like to ask you now is, did it hurt you to do the task? Yes or No!

 

[Nicolette]

Good stuff!

 

[freakofnurture]

Thank you all.
I'm trying so hard to feel proud or like having accomplished something meaningful -.- It's embarrassing.

Actually what I would like to ask you now is, did it hurt you to do the task? Yes or No!

It depends on what you mean by 'task'.
Finally sitting there didn't hurt, No. But getting to this point was - Yes - very painful.
Not as painful as not getting there would have been in the long run, though.

 

[anthony]

You're talking about emotional pain... Did it hurt you sitting in a group and participating? Yes or No?

 

[freakofnurture]

Your question is simple, but I'm still not sure if I really get it, so bear with me -.-

My stomach hurt quite a lot during the process, and I had painful cramps down my neck and back that went on all day with varying intensity. The two during which I sat with my feet on the ground were the first group situations with negligible physical symptoms that also didn't increase when I assumed an open sitting position.

 

[anthony]

Did you die or get physically injured by participating?

 

[freakofnurture]

No, of course not. But I wasn't afraid of that, neither.

 

[anthony]

So nothing bad really happened to you then by doing this act that you had built all this fear within about doing?

 

[freakofnurture]

Not this time, no.

 

[anthony]

Now use that experience you have physically embedded into your brain, and now go do it again, using your experience to reinforce against any negative thoughts.

Welcome to exposure therapy.