Hello All:
I have to say I am a little afraid joining here after reading the recent threads and the animosity from a particular member. We all have enough pain as carers to deal with more. It's sad that it seems living with someone with PTSD can in turn give the family member a form of the same disorder, and a lot of anger dealing with that is coming across. I for one have too much anger in my life and don't want to expose myself to more.
However, I'm in a kind of crisis mode and just looking for input so I will give this a shot for a time at least. I have been married to a Vietnam Veteran for 23 years. He was in the Army but trained by the Navy to do diving. He had to dive to remove mines from bridges in the river and do body recovery. Pulling up what he thought was a trapped body, and once it broke free was only a leg was one of the worst things for him. He was so traumatized he couldn't go back down for the rest, someone else had to and he couldn't deal with it. He only saw a certain amount of actual combat, or was present during some, not on the front lines. Nonetheless it has affected us for years.
He couldn't face completing all the info to actually get his disability and diagnosis for years. He is 64 and just this year finally received 100% disability diagnosis for PTSD. He has managed to supress it as much as possible, with long periods of almost normalcy and limited anger. His violence is all verbal and physical presence intimidation but he has never been physical with me. He does however, have a delusional jealousy problem that comes and goes and he literally imagines occurences that never occurred. He believes I've been unfaithful in countless situations that have no merit. He seems to believe them for the moment and then gets in a more rational place and it's clear he realizes he's being irrational. I don't know if it is related to PTSD or not. Can not seem to find any study supporting that.
Since getting help through the VA, I also feel unfortunately that they are over medicating him. Trying to solve the depression, etc. through a molatov cocktail of medication. All in all though wtih his challenges he is a good man, who has been a good husband. Suddenly he has gone into a downward spiral. We separated, he is going to bars alone, something he never does. He said he wanted counseling but is obviously too scared, he won't keep the appointment. He is now in the dark place that was only occasional on a permanent basis. His jealousy scenario is ever present, he acts like he can't stand me, when he has always been very much in love. My therapist believes his "shadow self" has taken over. It's like I lost my husband entirely, he is not acting like himself at all. I think over medication could be a cause. I'm trying to get him help, but he turns off his cell phone, kicks me out if I come over, is just drinking.
I am beside myself with grief. It's like a death, but worse because he's still there and I can't help him. We still have our youngest son who is 15 at home, and sometimes our 19 year old. We can't afford to maintain his bachelor pad so will likely lose the house soon.
I would like to know if anyone has had a veteran who has managed to maintain some level of sanity and a loving marriage for over 20 years, who just lost it one day and isn't making it back? Or anyone with similarity of the jealousy issue and how you handled it. I am praying there is some success story out there.
Thanks for listening.
I have to say I am a little afraid joining here after reading the recent threads and the animosity from a particular member. We all have enough pain as carers to deal with more. It's sad that it seems living with someone with PTSD can in turn give the family member a form of the same disorder, and a lot of anger dealing with that is coming across. I for one have too much anger in my life and don't want to expose myself to more.
However, I'm in a kind of crisis mode and just looking for input so I will give this a shot for a time at least. I have been married to a Vietnam Veteran for 23 years. He was in the Army but trained by the Navy to do diving. He had to dive to remove mines from bridges in the river and do body recovery. Pulling up what he thought was a trapped body, and once it broke free was only a leg was one of the worst things for him. He was so traumatized he couldn't go back down for the rest, someone else had to and he couldn't deal with it. He only saw a certain amount of actual combat, or was present during some, not on the front lines. Nonetheless it has affected us for years.
He couldn't face completing all the info to actually get his disability and diagnosis for years. He is 64 and just this year finally received 100% disability diagnosis for PTSD. He has managed to supress it as much as possible, with long periods of almost normalcy and limited anger. His violence is all verbal and physical presence intimidation but he has never been physical with me. He does however, have a delusional jealousy problem that comes and goes and he literally imagines occurences that never occurred. He believes I've been unfaithful in countless situations that have no merit. He seems to believe them for the moment and then gets in a more rational place and it's clear he realizes he's being irrational. I don't know if it is related to PTSD or not. Can not seem to find any study supporting that.
Since getting help through the VA, I also feel unfortunately that they are over medicating him. Trying to solve the depression, etc. through a molatov cocktail of medication. All in all though wtih his challenges he is a good man, who has been a good husband. Suddenly he has gone into a downward spiral. We separated, he is going to bars alone, something he never does. He said he wanted counseling but is obviously too scared, he won't keep the appointment. He is now in the dark place that was only occasional on a permanent basis. His jealousy scenario is ever present, he acts like he can't stand me, when he has always been very much in love. My therapist believes his "shadow self" has taken over. It's like I lost my husband entirely, he is not acting like himself at all. I think over medication could be a cause. I'm trying to get him help, but he turns off his cell phone, kicks me out if I come over, is just drinking.
I am beside myself with grief. It's like a death, but worse because he's still there and I can't help him. We still have our youngest son who is 15 at home, and sometimes our 19 year old. We can't afford to maintain his bachelor pad so will likely lose the house soon.
I would like to know if anyone has had a veteran who has managed to maintain some level of sanity and a loving marriage for over 20 years, who just lost it one day and isn't making it back? Or anyone with similarity of the jealousy issue and how you handled it. I am praying there is some success story out there.
Thanks for listening.
