I Don't Have An Inner Child

[intothelight]

I read a lot on here about an inner child and how people struggle to accept, heal, comfort, etc. this part of themselves. I don't ever remember being a child.

From as earlier as I can remember, I had to take care of my sister and protect her. All I have know is being responsible for others, caring for and protecting them. That is who I am and that is what I do. I grew up fast and have been "old" for as long as I have existed.

Does anyone else have this experience or find themselves feeling this way? I think the child part of me died a long, long time ago, if she ever existed at all.

 

[purple butterfly]

I am only just learning about my inner child. My T explained tome that my inner child is the part of me that has not been nutured or cared for in the past. She is the part of me that has been neglected and abused.

Perhaps another way of looking at it is, what do you need to do for yourself to nuture and look after yourself, to put your needs first?

 

[Ted Moen]

With respect to personal development and trauma, some suggest that the normal person that was at the onset of the trauma is kind of put on hold while the person that has to be to survive the trauma does what they have to do. The idea is the normal person (inner child in the case of childhood trauma) is still there looking for it's needs to be met.

I certainly feel I have a 3 or 4 year old little boy looking for the mom that might have been. As an adult, I have a good relationship with my mom and care for her very much, but she wasn't the kind of mom the little 3-4 year old boy needed at that time. Sometimes when confronted with someone who appears to be the kind of mom that might have been, the little boy, comes out, as charming and adorable as a child can be, seeking affection and parental support.

In a similar way there is the 19 year old that went into the service and off to war, just as there are a lot of young brides who went off to a marriage that was not the way it should have been, and so on.

So with respect to personal development and trauma, there is an "inner child" still looking to get it's needs met. The problem is the person after the trauma is older and in a different situation. It is not possible to go back and meet the needs that were put on hold while we did what we had to do to survive the trauma. But at the same time, it is an important part of therapy to recognize the "inner child(s)" that are still on hold and process those thought and feelings. A child that is put on hold, told to go stand in the corner, only knows they did something wrong. So the theraputic process is addressing that deep seated feeling that we are a bad person, that we did something wrong.

The term inner child can be confusing for trauma survivors because there is also a branch of psychology that talks about the inner child and parent and developing adult. Trauma survivors need to rediscover the normal child that was put on hold to address that feeling we did something wrong, that we are a bad person. At the same time, we need to understand we can't go back to that point in time and start over. Once we begin to understand we are ok (not a bad person) then we can begin to look at ourselves as a normal, healthy person challenged with living with our set of ptsd symptoms and assess our current needs in our current situation and develop a healthy set of activities and relationships for the current us.

At least that is what the term "inner child" is all about to me.

Ted

 

[James B.]

Am enjoying and benefiting from this discussion. Ted, thanks for the nice description of "inner child".

 

[Lionheart]

I think the child part of me died a long, long time ago, if she ever existed at all.

I used to believe that the child part of me died too, but what I discovered is that part of me was buried deep inside and never died at all. It was buried inside to protect that part of me from being hurt again. When I recovered that part of me, I had to face a lot of painful memories and re-live them as if they were happening all over again, but this way I got through the emotional aspects of the original abuses. The good thing is that I also recovered a lot of the happy memories that were also blocked out along with the bad ones. I think you will discover your child-self(s) as you continue to heal. At least this is my humble opinion anyway.

 

[pontifixmax]

I read a lot on here about an inner child and how people struggle to accept, heal, comfort, etc. this part of themselves. I don't ever remember being a child.

From as earlier as I can remember, I had to take care of my sister and protect her. All I have know is being responsible for others, caring for and protecting them. That is who I am and that is what I do. I grew up fast and have been "old" for as long as I have existed.

Does anyone else have this experience or find themselves feeling this way? I think the child part of me died a long, long time ago, if she ever existed at all.

I can completely relate to what your saying. I can't remember being a child either. All I remember is that my childhood ended abruptly in one day, from which point forward I was thrown into the adult world and had to face very adult issues with no support from anyone at home. Like you, I had three younger siblings to care for too, which I was forced to do, but also being the oldest assuming the mantel of responsibility came quickly to me. As a young teen I ended up on the streets to escape home where I was entirely responsible for my own survival. There were situations where what I had to do to survive made me feel like I could never go home again, even if I wanted to. Needless to say all of this made me what I am today, which on the surface doesn't look bad at all, that being a mature acting, self-sufficent person with a highly developed sense of responsibility (especially for others), yet like you that inner child, or sense of continuous, unconditional inner peace, is missing. Despite how good things are or appear to be on the outside, I experience a pervasive sense of lonliness in my soul that I can't escape, like there's an empty hole there that I can't fill up no matter how much I've tried.

 

[heidi]

I was a child up until a few years ago. I had no reason to go find it. I'm sorry to those of you who lost yours so early.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh heidi that's so kind-

I hope that means you are quite young (relatively speaking), as you will have most of your life ahead of you- how fantastic to be so wise and thoughtful and caring already!