Should I Ask For A Date ?

[Saunterer]

I have met a woman through my job. She is really nice, and I feel comfortable being around her.
I have been thinking about asking her for a date.
The problems now are :

1) My social anxiety. Going to restaurants etc is manageable, but I do not enjoy it.
2) Should the dating actuallly lead to a relationship there is my sleep disorder.
I rush out of bed, thrash about, sometimes scream.

This woman has some anxiety issues herself so the social anxiety bit she would probably understand
but the sleep disorder thing is so difficult for people to understand unless they have personal experience.
There is of course Clonazepam to take away some of the symptoms but it is addictive + I get tired the day after I have taken them.

It has been something like ten years since I was on a date, I am 42, so I do not really know what to do now. Maybe I am thinking too far ahead and should just take one step at a time.

Has anyone been in this situation ? What did you do ?

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, that's too far ahead.

Go out and do something you enjoy, have some fun. :)

Try not to choose something that would make you too wound-up, or she will think that you don't enjoy her company (not that it's the environment).
Think of what you can do to make it nice for her and it will help you forget about yourself.

-Best wishes-

 

[Saunterer]

Thanks for your reply, Junebug. I always think too far ahead, trying to plan everything in detail. I need to learn how to relax.

 

[anthony]

Maybe I am thinking too far ahead and should just take one step at a time.

Agreed, you're thinking to far ahead.

Firstly, a date does not mean you have to go to a restaurant. That is extremely old thinking. It is proven more effective that a date should be something social and enjoyable, relaxing even, nothing you don't already do or like. A walk in the park, attending an event, something that makes you feel comfortable.

One of the worse things you can do is go on a date to a restaurant. You immediately place both of you within a situation of constant judgement, eating and wanting to talk, awkwardness... not viable. You leave that for later on... weeks later. Stick with comfortable. If you are going to have dinner, you're better off cooking for one another and having a relaxing event at one of your houses, not at a restaurant.

Be honest with her right from the start... best thing possible. Even tell her directly, you haven't been on a date for a decade, you have no idea what you're doing... it instills a trust to her immediately that you are forthcoming and honest. Tell her about PTSD, where you have big or minor issues, but function well otherwise. Don't dump your life upon her though obviously... you do that during a relationship, once a relationship has evolved, and you only do so in pieces, not all at once.

There are some basic foundations to successful dating... like the Nike slogan says, "Just Do It". The worst case scenario is she says no... even then, you can make fun of that after the fact, it doesn't need to be awkward at work.

 

[ronin47]

I never dated much, but I'm told it's meant to be fun and enjoyable, and I agree! Don't count your chickens before their hatched, all that ever did for me was make me mad at myself for getting all worked up over nothing. Don't think of it as a herald for all the relationship woes that come after commitment and what have you, think of it as an opportunity for the both of you to enjoy yourselves.

 

[Saunterer]

anthony and ronin47, thanks for the replies. I think I am going to ask her to go for a walk. I like that very much myself, there is always something to look at and discuss.