Hello all... I just found this site, and just found Dakoda's thread.... and I have to say that it made me cry outright.
a little about me... I'm an AF Vet, hense the name... My bf is Army National Guard, Infantry. He has deployed to Iraq and more recently to Afghanistan. He had Combat PTSD when I met him from his trip to Iraq but that had been several years prior to our meeting. Now its worse than ever. We've been together for 3 years last month, and had been talking about marriage before he left a little over a year ago. I have three children from a prior marriage, he doesn't have any and has never been married. We do not live together, and never have.
He just called and talked to me last night and told me that he didn't see us going anywhere, didn't have anything to offer me and that he was no good. He also said he didn't want to put the kids through this (they are young enough that they've started to refer to him as 'daddy') and that he still cares about me. As soon as he heard me crying he hung up. He's a very loving and caring person, and a hick farmboy. He was raised by a Korean War vet, very old school army. Everything that has gone on since he came home... he's been loving, but distant. Sometimes he'd hug me like he'd never want to let me go, and sometimes he'd just drape his arms around me while I hugged him. The telling thing is when we have slept together (and I mean sleep, no intimacy), he will roll over and hold me after he's gone to sleep, or held my arm in place when I hold him and hold it tighter if I have to get out of bed or roll over. He's gone through every end of the spectrum since he came home.
I told him before he left that I knew he was going to try to push me away, but that I wasn't going to let him. But now he's broken up with me. He says he'll call in a couple weeks. I'm not sure what to do. I've texted him (not expecting a response) that I don't believe he really wants to break up. He's the perfect guy for me, and I'm the perfect woman for him. I've been very patient giving him space and time, and plan to remain so, but now that he's said he wants to break up I'm not sure what I should do. I've already contacted a couple of his friends, who are also combat veterans, for advice and help, but haven't gotten a response yet.
Deep down I don't think this is what he wants, that he doesn't want me to go. He emailed me dang near every day of his deployment to tell me he loved me, and has texted or talked every day since, except for yesterday. He showed me work he'd done around his house, out of the blue on saturday, but was asking me if I wanted my rifle back the night before. Since he's come home he's said 'I love you' before I have on several occasions. I think he's just confused and that what's going on in his head won't let him feel anything else...
and before anybody asks... no he's not seeking counceling, and probably won't. He didn't when he came back from Iraq, and feels they can't be trusted.
I know you don't know him, or me... but any advise would be helpful.
a little about me... I'm an AF Vet, hense the name... My bf is Army National Guard, Infantry. He has deployed to Iraq and more recently to Afghanistan. He had Combat PTSD when I met him from his trip to Iraq but that had been several years prior to our meeting. Now its worse than ever. We've been together for 3 years last month, and had been talking about marriage before he left a little over a year ago. I have three children from a prior marriage, he doesn't have any and has never been married. We do not live together, and never have.
He just called and talked to me last night and told me that he didn't see us going anywhere, didn't have anything to offer me and that he was no good. He also said he didn't want to put the kids through this (they are young enough that they've started to refer to him as 'daddy') and that he still cares about me. As soon as he heard me crying he hung up. He's a very loving and caring person, and a hick farmboy. He was raised by a Korean War vet, very old school army. Everything that has gone on since he came home... he's been loving, but distant. Sometimes he'd hug me like he'd never want to let me go, and sometimes he'd just drape his arms around me while I hugged him. The telling thing is when we have slept together (and I mean sleep, no intimacy), he will roll over and hold me after he's gone to sleep, or held my arm in place when I hold him and hold it tighter if I have to get out of bed or roll over. He's gone through every end of the spectrum since he came home.
I told him before he left that I knew he was going to try to push me away, but that I wasn't going to let him. But now he's broken up with me. He says he'll call in a couple weeks. I'm not sure what to do. I've texted him (not expecting a response) that I don't believe he really wants to break up. He's the perfect guy for me, and I'm the perfect woman for him. I've been very patient giving him space and time, and plan to remain so, but now that he's said he wants to break up I'm not sure what I should do. I've already contacted a couple of his friends, who are also combat veterans, for advice and help, but haven't gotten a response yet.
Deep down I don't think this is what he wants, that he doesn't want me to go. He emailed me dang near every day of his deployment to tell me he loved me, and has texted or talked every day since, except for yesterday. He showed me work he'd done around his house, out of the blue on saturday, but was asking me if I wanted my rifle back the night before. Since he's come home he's said 'I love you' before I have on several occasions. I think he's just confused and that what's going on in his head won't let him feel anything else...
and before anybody asks... no he's not seeking counceling, and probably won't. He didn't when he came back from Iraq, and feels they can't be trusted.
I know you don't know him, or me... but any advise would be helpful.
