Help With Combat Ptsd

[Army_Brat_88]

And incase no one on this thread has ever been dumped, then I will tell you that I have, out of the blue, and no matter WHAT you do, or say, or cry, or beg....if he wants to go, he will go. I know I'm Debbie Downer, but I also have to say the painful truth. We can't live in fear of one day them saying "That's it, I'm out of here". Yes, there are different circumstances mentally with them compared to someone who doesn't have combat ptsd, but the underlying thought is the same, and we can't live life walking on eggshells worried about it. Someone will come along again who won't go away.

(Navy - you are in a different boat in a way -pardon the pun. But my comments go more for those of us who aren't married to the person yet).

 

[May1321]

but the underlying thought is the same

I dont' know if I'm wrong in the way I think about this... I understand PTSD is a serious issue but the "underlying" I believe in is the core of the person before the PTSD. How they deal with their PTSD is all very similar but the core attributes from the way they were raised, etc. is really - I still believe - the defining part of how they will handle their symptoms. I don't see the PTSD in my sufferer till the stress starts hitting. The rest of the stuff that may be linked to symptoms of his PTSD are much like that of someone just raised that way... So I try to seperate the man from the beast. If they are going to leave, they are going to leave. If they are abusive, it's because they were taught sometime in their life that that was o.k. Whether it be verbally or physically. I've recently found out that my sufferer's dad is a narcissist and probably has PTSD from his days in the military but his dad (my sufferers grandfather) - swear to God - was a German soldier in World War 2, often referred to as a 'Nazi'. My sufferer's personality isn't just attributed to his disorder, it's a 3rd generation softened side of a roughly raised family of men.

So, all I can say from experience is don't make excuses for this disorder. Or for your sufferer. All this disorder is doing is making the man that much harder to read and communicate with varying upon degrees of how he was raised in belief and conduct.

Like AF Vet said... he has no problem telling you where to go so the fact he was so gentle with his up and leaving with you is at least a sign he cares. Yes the leaving is related to his PTSD but the nature of him is what makes him a good man just trying to work through his stuff. Just in the mean time, don't worry about his journey and if it leads back to you, it hurts... A LOT... but you owe it to YOUR family to keep doing the 'daily stuff' as if he was never there.

 

[Army_Brat_88]

he has no problem telling you where to go so the fact he was so gentle with his up and leaving with you is at least a sign he cares.

Ooops....I should have been more clear - I was dumped one time by a man - but not the Sgt. That guy was just a "regular every day" guy. I haven't even had a chance to talk to the Sgt yet really because he's still in total isolation mode.

Lemme try this again....my thought was basically that when someone wants to leave, they'll leave.

 

[AF Vet]

I feel that if he really wants to go, he'll go.... but the way he went about doing it didn't sound like how I know he is when he's done with somebody. And his behaviour leading up to it didn't add up to somebody who was getting ready to dump his girl. Still waiting, still hoping.... As Tom Petty said.... "The waiting, is the hardest part."

 

[Zipperhead]

AF Vet, You also said, his friend said maybe he just needs a smack to the back of the head. Let me know if that works! LOL

Stop hitting me!

 

[Fembot]

Said with the utmost respect for your personal decision, and duly noting that I certainly cannot tell you what to do when my own life is such a mess (nor am I suggesting that you do what I say), but I can say that if it were me, and I was NOT married to the person with PTSD and I had children to consider, knowing what I know now about PTSD now, I truly would think LONG and HARD about continuing pursuit of such a relationship. Easy to say, right?

I really don't in any way seek to minimize the love you feel, and hope this does not offend, but I would first seek to minimize that which the children would be exposed to not to mention saving yourself a boat load of heartache. Now if you were married already, I still couldn't fault you for walking, but would completely understand your loyalty in staying to try and work through it. However, and not to be inflammatory but speaking from experience, I can tell you that I personally wish my own mother had employed some logic over her heart in such decision making...perhaps I would not have then witnessed all that I had, and would not have ended up in a body cast at age 5 due to an alcoholic father's inability to control his anger.

Whatever your decision, I REALLY do hope it all works out.

 

[AF Vet]

LargeMarge... Please don't think that I haven't thought through the situation... and I have had my kid's interest at heart every step of the way through this relationship.

I understand where your coming from... I've been in an abusive relationship with somebody suffering from combat related PTSD before. My ex husband was a combat medic, a ParaRescue Jumper or PJ. And this was during our tenure in Somalia, yes during 'BlackHawk Down'. He has his own set of issues, and its the way he has delt with them that is bad... He is an alcoholic, he can't keep his 'unit' in his pants, and at one point he decided that the best way to deal with me when I figured out he was cheating was to hit me. He verbally took out anger on our children... You notice, his title is 'ex husband'. He's gone for those reasons... I didn't want my children to grow up thinking that was what love and marriage was about. I would LOVE for my son to grow up to be like my boyfriend.

I've been with my boy friend for 3 years. His PTSD was well under control before he left on his latest deployment (it helped that he had his father there when he came back last time and Dad helped him through the worst of it) and he loved spending time with my family. He was teaching my son farm stuff, boy stuff... To decide to NOT date him simply because he has a reaction to a horrific situation (kill or be killed) that any normal person would have... as humans, we are not wired to kill eachother (yes, we're a violent species, but the average person is not wired to kill) to me that is a silly conclusion. He's a good man, a good father, a good care giver. He's a bit rough around the edges, he curses, smokes, he's the type that doesn't mind getting dirty (he's a hick Irish farmboy soldier... no other way to explain him), and yes... he's a good Irishman who loves his whiskey... but he doesn't get drunk when my kids are around. Actually, he doesn't get drunk often at all.

He's my best friend and my love... and right now he's hit a low point.. he's emotionally at his worst. He's not drinking, he's keeping his walls up. I have already decided to keep the kids at a distance for right now, and I already was doing so before he called me a week ago today, but just because he reacts normally to his deployment is no reason for me to run screaming the other direction. Honestly, if he DIDN"T react this way then I'd be scared for what that meant about him psycologically. He needs me to be there when he gets himself figured out again. And I will be here. Waiting for him. And the reason for that is because at this point I don't truely believe he wants me gone.

as an update, his battle buddy couldn't go see him this weekend because his daughter was in the hospital... so... kinda waiting to hear from my bf at this point.