Armywife, I have been married 17 years and my husband came home from Afganistan almost 3 months ago with the same feelings your husband is having. I know it's causing you a terrible amount of pain. It's hard to go through all those deployments and everything it takes to make it through, to have your husband return and be unsure if he wants to be with you.
It is not about you though. Your husband is hurting, confused and trying to avoid feeling. My husband described himself as feeling numb and dead inside. He seemed to be in pain when I would try to hug him. I blamed myself, I thought I must have hurt him in some way even though I felt like I had been nothing but supportive. He tried to convince me I would be better off without him, saying "If I let you go, you'll have no problem finding someone better for you." If you havn't heard something like that yet you probably will.
I started looking up symptoms of PTSD because I knew nothing about it except nightmares. I found information that listed his symptoms and pointed it out to him. He made the call to see a counselor the next day. Your husband really needs to see someone. My husband sees a psychiatrist once a week and attends group therapy with other guys suffering from combat PTSD once a week. He enjoys the group therapy, if you could find out if thats available for your husband that might be a slow start, if he doesn't want to jump right into seeing a counselor.
Things for us are better than they were. Not what they used to be, but better. I can hug him and kiss him now and receive one in return. He no longer seems to be in pain from being touched.
Read everything you can and come here to vent and feel you're not alone. That's what has gotten me through so far. I still have low times and tough days and long for the way things use to be. Busy yourself like you did while he was deployed. It will consume you if you don't stay busy.
Another good book is "Courage after fire". Encourage your husband to read the books also. Take care
