Not Wanting To Get Better?

[Lady of Longbourn]

I have noticed in my actions, it seems like I don't really want to get better. Doctors give me medication, I will take it for a few days, then quit. I wont follow there advice to much. People try to help, I back away.

It seems rather self-destructing, if you ask me.

Any thoughts?

 

[Nighthawk]

I think the fear of the unknown is worse than the fear we live with daily. Just my opinion.

 

[Zipperhead]

I'm really "trying" at therapy, but at the same time I still have places I don't want to go. So I guess I understand where you're going with this one. I know I need it to come out, but I don't want to deal with the what if's. Easier to sit back and watch the pretty pink clouds go by than deal with reality. And yet I am still going out to that therapy whenever it's offered. Seems strange doesn't it.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Easier to sit back and watch the pretty pink clouds go by than deal with reality. And yet I am still going out to that therapy whenever it's offered. Seems strange doesn't it.

Hell, yes.

But doesn't that make "trying" in therapy rather, redundant? I guess, if its fear we are talking about, there isn't much I can do. Nothing that is a quick fix at least.

It doesn't feel like there is a choice in this. For some reason, it seems out of my control.

 

[Nighthawk]

So well said Zipperhead I like the pink cloud visual

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Pretty fun to imagine isn't it?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Now the big question...

You realize you have a fear the unknown problem, then what?
Trust problems.

Oh boy...

 

[shell]

I have noticed in my actions, it seems like I don't really want to get better. Doctors give me medication, I will take it for a few days, then quit. I wont follow there advice to much. People try to help, I back away.

It seems rather self-destructing, if you ask me.

Any thoughts?

I can totally relate, perhaps it's self destructive. I stopped taking Lexapro the other day because I noticed I was putting weight and I didn't really care about the fact that without it I start planning stupid things. I really had to have a good look at myself, because what's really more important being alive or losing weight? Sometimes it's hard to let people near, because it feel like you always end up hurt. My Doctor was really angry when I told him I quit therapy for the second time, I saw it flash across his face, he goes out of his way to help me and I guess he feels like I'm not trying to give it a chance.

 

[Jacquie]

Shell I so wanna slap your doctor. How dare he/she get angry? You are 'sick' not stubborn or stupid. And he/she is supposed to be helping you to 'wellness' not being a control freak.

I think it would be better if they set goals (ones that work for YOU) and help you stay focussed and congratulate you when you took steps in the right direction, instead of getting mad at you.

Right now I have a REALLY BAD kitchen! Hate it. But instead of rolling up my sleeves and getting into it, as I used to and still should, instead I avoid it. Why?????? But this is part of it. Someone getting mad at me would maybe get it done, but not fix 'why' its happening.

Ayesha: Hows he clarry? Are you avoiding it that same as I'm avoiding having a clean kitchen?

I'm gonna go wash dishes. When my kitchen is sparkly spit spot and everything is done and where its meant to be......guess what I love to do? COOK! :) So a messy kitchen means I end up eating shit. Bad bad bad :(

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Ayesha: Hows he clarry? Are you avoiding it that same as I'm avoiding having a clean kitchen?

I don't understand, Jacquie.

 

[Jacquie]

Oh its my bad typing...lol Should have been hows THE clarry? Clarinet.
No wonder you couldnt make sense of it :(
Sorry Ayesha.

You love playing the clarinet. But for some reason you're not.

I love to cook! Seriously love cooking and creating fab food. But the dishes and cleaning my bombshell kitchen means its horrible and a chore. So the cleaning of the kitchen is standing in the way of my doing a FEEL GOOD thing (cooking)

How do you feel when you play the clarinet? Is it a FEEL GOOD thing for you?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Its a nightmare. It makes me think of all the stupid shit I did.

When I was in school, I loved playing. Then about 2 years into, I stopped. Literally. I was the bes player in the class and I stopped. My music teacher was dumbfound.

I still play every once and a while, I have a top of the line clarinet...but....same thing I guess.