So When Does It Get Better?

[Martin Taylor]

I'm feeling kind of down today, so please bear with me. But does anyone have any experience at getting better? My nightmares seem to get better and then come back. I get a grip in social situations and then lose it. And so on. I finally get the strength to ask my mother about violence I remember (and some that I've realized after EMDR) and she tells me that I was a "sensitive boy" and maybe saw it on TV. She then told me some stuff that I didn't remember and downplayed with more denial. So I grieve the loss of trust (that never really existed), I grieve the loss a healthy relationship with some of my siblings ("just get over it"...I can't cause of all the time I spent protecting their skins), I grieve the sense that I had two families - one when he was drinking and one where he was not. And so on some more.

It seems that I am just as vigilant, just as stressed, and just as whacked out as before, but now there is the realization of all that I lost, or screwed up, because of the damage that was done to me. I know I emotionally hurt my wife and children when I knew something was wrong but couldn't pin it down (my denial was too strong) so I hurt from that.

So, when does the pain stop?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm not going to sugar coat it... I don't know when we get better. I don't think anyone can tell you that. Sorry I don't have much optimism to spread around ATM but this is the worst time of year for me. I know in my heart that things will get better, but when I have difficulty knowing there will be a tomorrow, it's hard to look even further in the future. So I just keep on pressing on. I think it helps to look at the big picture. Yes, I am really struggling right now, but my insomnia is gone as are the worst of my obsessive thoughts. And this improvement has happened over just the last nine months, after years and years of struggling. So I think it helps to reflect on the bigger picture. This is in no way a linear process. Sometimes we're doing well, other times not so much...

 

[ronin47]

I think the key is to always be waiting for that moment when everything will be just fine and peachy, but to recognize the progress that you have made, even if there is still plenty of work left to do. You will always have challenges, challenges that will be exacerbated by your trauma, but the longer you work at it the shorter the recovery time. Remember to that God's love and compassion never wavers no matter how much things seem to slide back. Make no mistake, I've had plenty of "two steps forward, three steps back" moments. But reminding myself of the progress that I have made also reminds me that all the hard work is worth it.

 

[KP the nut]

(((HUGS))) When does it get better. Simple answer I don't know. My trauma was different, lots here are, our symptoms bond us.

For me it was a very gradual process. Two steps forwards, three back, then over time maybe two steps forward and only one step back. I can't put a finger on it. I refused to give in, I was convinced I would reach the stage that I could manage my symptoms.

Gradually, the steps backwards became fewer. The slipping back became shorter. I was able to continue to climb falling back less and less each time with the gaps between resuming climbing becoming shorter.

Sorry I feel I am rambling I hope I am making sense.

I have completed EMDR and it has helped me realise so much. My T taught me to accept who I am now, not who I was pre PTSD. he taught me to be kind to myself, to not be so hard on myself and it was only when I accepted that, that I began to cope and manage my symptoms.

Is it easy - No. Do I still slip - Yes. But with the continued support of this forum I will tegain control of my life.

Martin I wish you peace and hope I made some sense.
KP

 

[Martin Taylor]

Thanks for the good words.

 

[Lionheart]

It is difficult not to have a timeline for our healing, but everyone is different so I will tell you what my T told me....

She said that for someone like me, who has C-PTSD from severe, prolonged sexual child abuse, it takes about 10 years, (...but it has been 13 years). Although I am much, much better now, I am still disabled, still have issues, still in need of therapy and medication etc. For some people it takes a lot less time and for others it takes more time. That prolly is not the answer you were looking for but it is as honest as I know how to be.

I was told that healing is like growing a fingernail...you don't really notice the small daily changes but they add up until one day you look down and have a fingernail. That is probably the best way to think of it. Lots of small victories start to accumulate and before you know it, you have healed a great deal.

I may always have PTSD, I dunno....but it doesn't run (or ruin) my life anymore. I have enjoyed improvements in all areas of my life, still, I must say there was a period of time when it seemed to me that it was never gonna get any better...(but I kept going to therapy and working on my issues anyway and I am glad that I did).

The bottom line that I want you to get from this is that it does get better and better and it is worth the time and effort it takes, just hang in there and we will be here to help encourage and support you along the way!!!

 

[Srain]

I have rough days too. They can be difficult for me especially after I've seen my tdoc. My PTSD was early childhood exasperated by adult trauma so it's going to be a lot of work. Some stuff seems cemented in, however, even though I'm going through an outwardly rough situation I am handling it better than I ever would have. Much like ScaredofLonely, this past year since working with my TT, I can see things in a different light, I see more options for myself.

Outwardly I may look worse, kind of like cleaning out a closet, looks like a disaster zone but in the end it's much better than it was.

I hope your feeling better,
peace,
Rain

--and that "just get over it" ...I hear that all the time from the one brother I worked the hardest to protect from my father..it hurts and makes me feel discounted..I'm sorry you are experiencing this.

 

[LawPhotos]

...kind of like cleaning out a closet, looks like a disaster zone but in the end it's much better than it was.

Srain, what a simple but great analogy. It really struck me (perhaps because of the state of my closets!:eek:). Maybe it hit a chord with me because I have always tried to hide my story, even from myself, very, very deep in a closet. Other than my T, psych doc and 2 close friends I've shared almost nothing even though I've been at this for about 4 years. The origin and my adulthood experience of my C-PTSD are similar to yours.

I, too, constantly wonder if I'm not just doing myself harm in trying to recover. Ignorance was indeed bliss. It seems that things just continuously get worse and worse, not better. My overwhelming negativity doesn't help matters (my T will second this!).

My T likens severe childhood trauma to a very long standing, deep, infected, abscessed wound that has existed for so long that it has become systemic (the infection has spread everywhere)--sorry for the visual. In order to keep it from killing you altogether it must be opened, sometimes in numerous places, cleaned out and medicated and bandaged. It is excruciatingly painful but it must be done over and over to ensure that every "bad" area is reached. It will try to heal itself up too early and if you let it you must go through the painful opening process to start again. Due to its severity it may take extremely long to heal, must be cared for daily and in the interim all you get is a bandage covering it whereas before you had the protection of thick skin. You may lose some bone, flesh or even a limb in the process and there will most certainly be scarring that never goes away but ultimately you will no longer be "sick" from the original wound.

 

[LawPhotos]

I often feel like when I started this whole healing process I suffered from the delusion (one of millions that I evidently have) that this would be like walking through fire. Like running through it wouldn't be effective so it was going to be a painful walk. But I really had no idea that I'd be belly crawling naked through it a millimeter a day for miles and miles and miles and miles and miles...........

 

[KP the nut]

Is it easy - No. Do I still slip - Yes. But with the continued support of this forum I will tegain control of my life.

Oh the words of the wise. I have fallen these past few days. But, I know why, I have not been listening to my mind. I have tried to do to much and ended up overwhelmed. I have spent a couple of days allowing myself time to recover and heal. I will be kind to myself this week and ensure I do relaxation and grounding.

I fell, I will fall again but I will keep climbing and managing.

((HUGS))

 

[kimba]

I too am in the early stages of therapy and am realising what a long process it will be. When i first got into therapy i thought I could neatly deal with A, B C and so on with no idea how it really was. Some days I am sorry I started because now I need to talk to my T about whether she will be there for the "long haul" or if I should stop now while I think I still have some sanity left.

 

[Cindy532]

I'm feeling kind of down today, so please bear with me. But does anyone have any experience at getting better? My nightmares seem to get better and then come back. I get a grip in social situations and then lose it. And so on. I finally get the strength to ask my mother about violence I remember (and some that I've realized after EMDR) and she tells me that I was a "sensitive boy" and maybe saw it on TV. She then told me some stuff that I didn't remember and downplayed with more denial. So I grieve the loss of trust (that never really existed), I grieve the loss a healthy relationship with some of my siblings ("just get over it"...I can't cause of all the time I spent protecting their skins), I grieve the sense that I had two families - one when he was drinking and one where he was not. And so on some more.

It seems that I am just as vigilant, just as stressed, and just as whacked out as before, but now there is the realization of all that I lost, or screwed up, because of the damage that was done to me. I know I emotionally hurt my wife and children when I knew something was wrong but couldn't pin it down (my denial was too strong) so I hurt from that.

So, when does the pain stop?

Big Hugs Martin and to everyone on here. I'm in that same spot of wondering how long it's going to take to get better. Right now i'm in the worst of it I feel like. I hurt everywhere. There's so much pain, my heart literally hurts and it spreads everywhere. If I'm in my body and not numb and disassociated I feel every emotion and the pain and it just doesn't stop. I too have gotten the just get over it from people and you know I tried that and I just ended up physcially sick and maybe I have siliac's disease, maybe not. It does more harm than good to tell yourself to just get over yourself. I have been doing a lot of praying recently along with therapy and giving my pain to a higher power and I have to keep doing it like three times a day. I was in a healthy, happy spot before I was diagnosed with PTSD, where I was even at peace and content in this terrible situation with my husband. I was connected to a higher power and living in the moment and that was the happiest i've ever been. My goal is to get in that spot again. Meanwhile PTSD is just this monster I deal with and even having to admit that I cannot even control my own brain has been hard for me. Today I went in my fantasy world where I don't feel any pain, just living in my head and giving into flashbacks, and if I sink to that it is hard to dig myself out of the hole. It's a day to day, even a minute to minute decision and process to stay in the present and it hurts my brain and wears me out. So oh yes, I can relate. I hope it is sooner than later Martin for both of us. I do not know how much pain and hurt one person can go through because I feel like I have reached my limit and not sure I can stand anymore. Still I get out of bed everyday and choose to live and hope someway somehow i'll be able to get through the day.