I am wondering about others’ experiences in terms of sharing details of their past trauma with others, particularly in cases of childhood trauma which may be completely unknown to the other person, or no more than vaguely inferred anyway.
Obviously, I don’t mean disclosing to your T, but rather, to other people in your life – friends, colleagues etc.
I recently had to do this in relation to a senior officer at work, and the experience of it really caught me off guard. Until that time, only 2 people knew any detail of my past. These people were my T, the only person to know intimate detail, and my boss, who has a general outline of the issues. Obviously, my family/abusers don’t count. I have a couple of other friends who know some detail, eg, there was significant past abuse etc, but that was all.
It was actually T, and not I, who briefed my manager in relation to the detail. That was the first overwhelming confrontation - the fact that I was completely unable to do this myself, in spite of wanting to be responsible for that act, so overcome by emotion and distress at the mere thought. I’m not entirely sure what was shared, but I know it was some general themes and a couple of key examples of incidents that occurred. I gave my consent for this to take place and spoke to my manager the following day, when he’d had about 24 hours to process the information.
I wasn’t prepared for how distressing and confronting it would be to face him, knowing he now knew. The shame and horror and self-disgust were enormous, and all of the rational reminders in the world weren’t enough to silence the catastrophising voice of horror that kept insisting he would never look at me the same way again, would see something disgusting and shameful and dirty, etc.
The conversation I had with him was enormously emotive and upsetting, in spite of the fact that he handled it as well as I could ever have hoped and has been nothing less than completely validating and supportive in all the time since, going so far as to ask lots and lots of questions about my current symptoms and experiences in an attempt to better understand all that is going on. He was visibly moved and quite upset, and humane and humble enough to let me see that he was. That, too, was very confronting for me, made me realize that in spite of my own distress, my own perception of my experiences lacks any normal perspective and has simply become internalized as the way it is, without any real objective rating on a scale that others could relate to.
It was just so humbling for me to realise how hard it was to make these disclosures though, and I was wondering what others’ experiences have been. Who have you told about the details of your past? When and under what circumstances would you share this information? Have you found others to react positively/supportively, or with fear, shock, revulsion, or any other emotion? Were you glad you disclosed? Did it affect your relationships?
Just struggling so hard to hold onto my compass about all of this, because in spite of my manager’s reaction and all of the support, somehow the toxic shame and distress and discomfort haven’t really abated, and I don’t know why, or even if I feel as though I did the right thing. The fact that I am so inept at recognizing, let alone managing, my emotions, really isn’t helping either.
Would appreciate any experiences or words of wisdom from those who have been here before me.
Obviously, I don’t mean disclosing to your T, but rather, to other people in your life – friends, colleagues etc.
I recently had to do this in relation to a senior officer at work, and the experience of it really caught me off guard. Until that time, only 2 people knew any detail of my past. These people were my T, the only person to know intimate detail, and my boss, who has a general outline of the issues. Obviously, my family/abusers don’t count. I have a couple of other friends who know some detail, eg, there was significant past abuse etc, but that was all.
It was actually T, and not I, who briefed my manager in relation to the detail. That was the first overwhelming confrontation - the fact that I was completely unable to do this myself, in spite of wanting to be responsible for that act, so overcome by emotion and distress at the mere thought. I’m not entirely sure what was shared, but I know it was some general themes and a couple of key examples of incidents that occurred. I gave my consent for this to take place and spoke to my manager the following day, when he’d had about 24 hours to process the information.
I wasn’t prepared for how distressing and confronting it would be to face him, knowing he now knew. The shame and horror and self-disgust were enormous, and all of the rational reminders in the world weren’t enough to silence the catastrophising voice of horror that kept insisting he would never look at me the same way again, would see something disgusting and shameful and dirty, etc.
The conversation I had with him was enormously emotive and upsetting, in spite of the fact that he handled it as well as I could ever have hoped and has been nothing less than completely validating and supportive in all the time since, going so far as to ask lots and lots of questions about my current symptoms and experiences in an attempt to better understand all that is going on. He was visibly moved and quite upset, and humane and humble enough to let me see that he was. That, too, was very confronting for me, made me realize that in spite of my own distress, my own perception of my experiences lacks any normal perspective and has simply become internalized as the way it is, without any real objective rating on a scale that others could relate to.
It was just so humbling for me to realise how hard it was to make these disclosures though, and I was wondering what others’ experiences have been. Who have you told about the details of your past? When and under what circumstances would you share this information? Have you found others to react positively/supportively, or with fear, shock, revulsion, or any other emotion? Were you glad you disclosed? Did it affect your relationships?
Just struggling so hard to hold onto my compass about all of this, because in spite of my manager’s reaction and all of the support, somehow the toxic shame and distress and discomfort haven’t really abated, and I don’t know why, or even if I feel as though I did the right thing. The fact that I am so inept at recognizing, let alone managing, my emotions, really isn’t helping either.
Would appreciate any experiences or words of wisdom from those who have been here before me.
