Alone

[Marine/w/PTSD]

I live alone, I do not make an effort to see people.

I go to the movies, restaurants and everything by myself. I see that my being alone bothers people especially because I usually pick a corner spot to sit.

I have not always been alone but I seem to prefer it now. Anyone that is remotely friendly with me, I entertain for a while only to push them away or disappear after a while.

I used to be socially fearless, cracking jokes and telling interesting ace dotes, but now I sit in my apartment for days at a time.

I am 3.5/4 years done with a biology degree I have now abandoned. I don't know what to do.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

I am sorry you are going thought this...being alone is easier for us but hard on the soul. You know what I mean?

Are you seeing a therapist? That might help you.

Take care.

 

[Marine/w/PTSD]

I have the unfortunate gift of being without modesty as well as possessing wit. I often play games with therapists and they usually don't know what do, often I get them to a defensive spot and the session no longer becomes productive. Every session I've had has been this way, so no, unfortunately at the moment, I don't think a therapist will help me.

 

[Sandra]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[Ajf7849d]

I've been living that life ever since I started college. I'm not a war vet, but I just prefer being by myself. If someone talks to me I get excited and I'll charm their face off. I hit on just about everybody. And I enjoy buying homeless people stuff to eat, and paying for peoples' bus tickets, things like that. But I don't have any close friends, and I really don't want any. Sure it gets lonely in the evenings, and I do feel like the odd one out because everyone else is starting up just fine at whatever college they're going to. But I'm not like everyone else, and it's hard to realize that sometimes.

Maybe you might want to try therapy with a more subdued personality? I'm considering going, and lately even though I'm usually a cocky jerk I've had this vulnerable, childish personality anytime I go into the medical center. It's really out of character, and my doctors treat me funny, but I personally don't care, I'm just trying to get what I'm paying for out of it.

 

[Happy Head]

I'm with you Marine... (though not a vet). I do everything alone as well... movies, dinner... it makes it easier if to leave if I feel uncomfortable. I don't trust myself. Once awhile back, I took a chance and went on a road trip vacation with 2 friends. Well something happened that triggered me into a panic attack. It wasn't a bad one, but it was still embarassing nonetheless. I have major trust issues. Anyhow, like people have said above, therapy can help if for anything how to manage triggers. I'm not sure all the therapy in the world will help me with my trust issues. Finish that degree too... even if it means doing it online. That will give you a lot of satisfaction for sure. Trust me - I was there. Anyhow, welcome to the group.

 

[jostle]

I guess another option would be a therapy type group or support group if you have access to one. I'm considering joining one at the moment. Usually I'm terrified of the idea, but I can see they have their place in helping someone to open up and break through isolation patterns and realise that other people actually do have the same problems as them. And I think a group might challenge you if it seemed like you weren't being totally honest/playing games. I've isolated myself a lot over the years, and now I have kids I can't do that really anymore, which is just as well. It's taken me many years to realise the importance of not isolating myself.

But on the other hand, maybe it's just where you are right now. I imagine you've had some pretty tough experiences and it can take quite a while to figure out how to best look after yourself when life has been tough.

 

[Ajf7849d]

Yeah, try to finish up your degree, you're literally almost there.

 

[Marine/w/PTSD]

thanks for the suggestions, saying go to therapy and finish your degree arent going to help me right now.

 

[kuchulu]

hello what's wrong? what are you feeling just now?
*hug*

 

[Marine/w/PTSD]

apathy

 

[kuchulu]

It's rubbish. Isn't it. Tell me where you are in the world. I'm Scottish in England. In bed but obviously not asleep. I like your wee hot dog!