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Ptsd Emotional Numbing

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Char

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June 1, 2011, I had an experience that left me with PTSD presenting as emotional numbing. I feel so empty, unable even feel connections with others. I see a counselor 2 xs /week. Some days I wonder how much longer I can hold on. I'm not sure how to fill my days. The pleasure center of my brain is down as well so I find myself doing things just to say I did. I really feel alone in this. I am here to hear how others have coped and what has worked for them.
 
Welcome, the best way to cope with emotional numbing is to first understand that it's okay when it happens and to not feel disappointed about it. Just accept it for now. As far as coping, the best way I cope with emotional numbing is I try to identify the trigger and stop thinking about it or if it's physically visible, to walk away from it. I know it may sound terrible, but as a PTSD sufferer, there will be a lot in your life you may have to walk away from.

Don't be afraid though...be sure to protect yourself. Make it known to yourself that "I am safe." That's the best thing I can do for myself sometimes.
 
Hi Char and welcome,
I also have had many episodes over the years of emotional numbing. It's been called depression by doctor(s) but my counsellor tells me it is a form of dissociation. For me it can last anything from three months roughly to six months and then not recur for quite a while. I have figured out many strategies over the years to help before, during and after an episode. When I am like this every moment of the day feels like a year and as I don't sleep well at the time as well, the nights are very long too.

During a period of this I get by by doing anything that is vaguely pleasurable - in my case puzzles or reading or whatever I can think of. I am usually in a holding pattern until I get better/figure out what triggered me off in the first place. Counselling is very important - even if I make no progress there for a while, eventually we figure out what led to me shutting down (this can take quite a while). Then I start feeling again and experiencing the pain, sadness and anger behind what has happened (in the past and the recent present). I am just starting to accept now (having had a shut down period recently through our southern hemisphere winter) that I don't mean to shut myself down but a large part of me has gotten overloaded and does not know a better way to cope. I think it was a coping mechanism from my childhood as the only way at the time to cope with an intrusive mother and various bad events.

After an episode I now try to write down in my journal as much as I can about what happened, hoping it will help me if/when it recurs again. Having some kind of support system around you is also very helpful. My husband is now good at reminding me that I will get through it, even if I find it hard to believe him at the time. I have a couple of close friends who remain supportive even when I can barely think of a single thing to say to them. When I am like this I also avoid people and generally don't want to leave my house/room. I've found that sometimes giving in to this isn't the worst thing in the world and at other times going against this feeling is very useful - so I do go out with someone close to me despite how I am feeling. Some people probably find exercise very helpful too. I think antidepressants have also helped me weather these episodes- they help keep me safe because I find being shut down very stressful and upsetting. And I don't feel like a good person when I am like this. This last episode I also found it helpful towards the end to do some structured stuff around the house - practical activities that I might usually enjoy. Even though I couldn't feel much pleasure while doing these activities I still felt better about myself afterwards than I do when I'm doing what I would consider time-wasting/purely time-filling activities.

Hope all of this is helpful. I find being able to connect with people's experiences has made a huge difference to my life, and finding this website was actually the "trigger" to leading me out of disconnection this time!
 
I'm lucky that I have a cousin who is just crazy enough to get me starting to feel again when this gunk hits me. I don't think I can honestly say she gets me completely back to me. We have a history together and she was one of the bright spots threw everything that happened. I am not sure how but it seams to give her some subconscious credit.
 
What do you mean?
I don't find meaning or pleasure in anything right now. I find myself doing things just to know I am doing something. I don't know how long I will need to wait to get my feelings back, so I need to find a way to pass the time. I watch a lot of TV and play computer games.
 
Hope all of this is helpful. I find being able to connect with people's experiences has made a huge difference to my life, and finding this website was actually the "trigger" to leading me out of disconnection this time!

Thank you Jostle for taking the time to give a reply. I am curious about how your therapist approached this. I go twice a week (over 5 months now) and I am losing patience with just rehashing old stuff. My subconscious obviously won't allow me to feel this trauma. I don't know what has to happen to make that part of me know it's OK to feel. There are dark days when I think there is no hope or that I can't go on like this: no connection, no feeling, no pleasure. There are other days that for reason it doesn't seem to bother me that I am like this, almost like I am drugged. Any insights are welcome. Glad to have found a place where others understand.
 
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