Trying To Find Therapist And Psychiatrist

[soulofLC]

Ok, do you want to talk now? I am currently trying to find the right therapist and psychiatrist or outpatient (or inpatient, don't really want to go there) program. Having a hard time with brain muddle and bad insurance, not to mention money. Had a therapist appointment today for 3rd time, but not sure he's the one. Just feeling at the end of my rope and sick and tired...not much support, except here on this site and one friend who will listen on the phone, but I keep reaching out. My biggest problem is trying to NOT EXPECT rejection, since I am so accustomed to it. I also tend to self -isolate, and need to go to store, but dread it. Sound familiar at all?

 

[Goose]

It sounds very familiar. But you are alot farther along than I am. I keep telling myself that I will find a Therapist but never do. Ive made appointments but chicken out. Then I get mad at myself for wasting time. I completely understand the brain muddle. I cant turn it off its completely exhausting. I hate going to the store or any public place for that matter

 

[soulofLC]

Believe me, Goose, it has been a struggle. I had a good therapist, then lost my insurance and moved to Houston. Since losing insurance, it has been hit and miss. It is hard to put it out there, but I have been going to therapy since my first divorce....many, many years ago! So I am accustomed to the dance.

But that was different, before the PTSD diagnosis. With trauma, there is this feeling, and I don't know if you get it, but I do...that when I feel really bad, I feel like everyone is looking at me and they know what I am going through. I think it has to do with shame, something I feel and is completely out of wack. Why do I feel shame when someone or some event caused the trauma? Then you get into self blame...oh, it's my fault, but that's your heart, your emotions talking. Your brain, your intellect knows better.

I know how hard it is to get things done and function. A good psychiatrist could be your new best friend. It takes either referrals or research to find. They are like shoes; some fit, some don't and you move on to the next ones until it feels right. If you have a primary physician, they might also have someone to recommend. The right medication will go a long way in getting you to feeling better. It may take a little time and trial and error, but it is worth it in terms of quality of life. Meds do work!!! Believe me, they help.

Try to take one step at a time. I am trying like crazy to do the same right now. Hang in there.

 

[Goose]

The only experience ive had with doctors and my ptsd was horrible. It was the first and the last. I was put on some medication but I couldnt even fuction on the meds I wasnt myself at all. I was taking to a treatment facilty and left there. I was there almost two months before my doctor told my family that wasnt the place for me. But he just wanted me gone. I was causing to much trouble for everyone there. They couldnt handle me. I felt like I was fighting for my life and I did just that. I didnt give in to any of I I refused everything they could throw at me. When I finally got home I was so angry at everyone for leaving me there. For me personally its seems like it did more damage than good. I was only 15 at the time and since then ive kept my distance from doctors and medication.

 

[soulofLC]

Oh Goose, no wonder you are so hesitant. That sounds like a horrible experience. It is no wonder you are not wanting to seek treatment. I am so sorry that happened to you. Yes, meds can be a very bad experience, and some doctors are not the best, needless for me to say. Someone had to graduate at the bottom of their class I always say...

As you were so young, you may have not had much say as to your care. That is still not fair, it sounds like you got involved with something you did not sign up for. Correct?

 

[Goose]

Yeah it was something I didnt even know about till the day of when I was dropped off. After my "accident" I had only been home a few months. I was very angry and scared. I started to self harm to deal with all my stress and anxiety. I lost my dad just 2 years earlier, he was all the family I had. My god parents adopted me after my dad passed. And aftervmy accident I guess they didnt know what to do or how to deal with me. Thats how I ended up at treatment center. It wasnt a good situation for everyone involved I guess.

 

[Ron]

Glad you're ok Goose.

 

[soulofLC]

Yes, your god parents were probably scared and didn't know what to do. And I am so sorry about your father. That was a lot to handle at such a young age. Words just cannot express my sympathy for what you have been through.

I don't know how old you are now, but perhaps when you feel up to it, you can choose your own mode of treatment. There are many options. You have to find what works for you.

Are you still self harming? I worry about that if you are not getting help. It is hard to hear you are in so much pain and alone. I know you have run up against some of the worst the "healing" community has to offer. I have found that by trial and error, there are good people to be found. If you are over 17 in Texas, you have a choice.

 

[Goose]

I just recently had my 28th birthday. I feel alot older tho lol. Life can be rough sometimes and you dont always get to choose the hand youre delt, but its life I guess nobody said it was fair or easy. I havent cut in several months. But ill be honest, its something I think about almost everyday. I really have to try to keep myself mentally and physically busy all the time so I dont think about it so much. Ive come up with my own little things to do to keep from cutting. And I dont keep anything sharp at home, it just tempts me. My ways of dealing with this disorder arent the best and I do still have alot of kinks to work out but I feel like ive done pretty well with it considering ive had no therapy or medication. Or at least I like to think so.

 

[soulofLC]

Sounds like you are finding ways to deal. It is a testament to your strength that you don't keep anything sharp at home. Staying busy is also a good sign.

I am also glad to hear you are old enough to have control over your treatment, should you decide to get it. That is important to remember. You are a survivor of someone else's uninformed decision, and that shows strength and courage.

Just remember, if you decide you need help, you have the reigns this time. And there are many new meds for various conditions. I don't like having to take meds either, and hate the hit or miss approach that is necessary to find what works for me. But my life without them became intolerable to the point where I could not function. For me, they are a lifesaver. But I respect to care for yourself as best you see fit. There is not a one cure for all, by any means.

 

[amethist]

Please keep all discussions to the appropriate area.

Thanks

Amethist.

 

[soulofLC]

Hi Goose, guess we either should start a private conversation or move to therapy forum. If you click on my avatar, a window pops up. Among the choices offered are "start a conversation." We can take it there.