Is This Is Really A Guy Thing?

[ms spock]

Thank you to all the women and men who answered!

 

[Srain]

My feeling is if someone is that concerned then perhaps they have somethings going in their background that may need considering. I find a statement like that a bit adolescent and immature. There is nothing wrong with getting to know a person's take on relationships or even hearing about them to get an idea of what got them to where they are today but to make snap judgments based on that type of information just reflects poorly on the one seeking it, in my opinion.

 

[ms spock]

Srain,

his mother died when he was 12. So he likes to help women a lot and he is very kind and generous. When I was there, staying, I really needed some hugs and snuggling and he was cool with that and didn't pressure for anymore.

It could be an awkward intersection of his past and my past or he could be a right dickhead in some ways. I am too tired to even really be typing about this now.

I appreciate all the insight. It is helpful.

 

[Tinyflame]

JMHO, get to know each other better.

 

[Nicolette]

The other day, when I was talking to this guy he told me that some men were interested in some women, but wouldn't have a relationship/and or sex with them because of who had been there before

First point is you don't have to mention names of your Ex boyfriends especially early on. That is your business and you can open that door if you want to down the track. Same question as to how many partners you have had - some are interested some are not but you are not obliged to answer and state you would prefer not to discuss such personal things at this point in time.

I emailed this guy he might not want to mention that in front of rape victims or incest survivors, because they could be very distressed to hear that someone would not be interested in them, because of what had happened against their will.

Ms Spock while well intentioned this is a very difficult request as in order to not mention 'that' in front of rape victims or incest survivors he would need to know they were one in the first instance. I don't think he should now go around asking if someone has a sexual abuse history before he asks further question. Just my opinion.

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock while well intentioned this is a very difficult request as in order to not mention 'that' in front of rape victims or incest survivors he would need to know they were one in the first instance. I don't think he should now go around asking if someone has a sexual abuse history before he asks further question. Just my opinion.

You are right Nicolette,

I was meaning more me but I made it bland to make it seem less of an attack. I may need to have communicated better.

We are still chatting and when I rang him after I sent the email I could sense him waiting for me to bring it up. I had decided that he probably just didn't think about it - that it was a mistake - so I just let it go and he seemed relieved about that.

It was the best way I could handle it at the time.

 

[ms spock]

JMHO, get to know each other better.

What does JMHO mean?

Getting to know each other better is the way to go. He is a good friend that may be more of a good friend.

I don't think we will have a relationship. I am working on some fairly demanding stuff in terms of my ptsd at the moment. So that is my main focus.

ms spock

 

[Tinyflame]

('just my humble opinion')
xox

 

[mamachick]

I live in a rather small community where people all know each other and also talk. I agree with Nicolette that potential dates do not need to know who (names) of ex partners, however, around here, if you dated anyone for any amount of time, everyone seems to know. If they do not know, their co worker or brother or someone will tell them if they mention your name. Same thing if I mention a guy that I met to my friend or co worker, quickly someone will fill me in. I have lived here so long and hope its not like this everywhere, do you think it is?

Because of being a small community, and I worked for 10 yrs with victims of domestic violence, I was very careful about dating anyone. If I went out with someone and (unknowingly)they had dated a client, it could be viewed very poorly. Its a delimma.

 

[ms spock]

Ms Spock while well intentioned this is a very difficult request as in order to not mention 'that' in front of rape victims or incest survivors he would need to know they were one in the first instance. I don't think he should now go around asking if someone has a sexual abuse history before he asks further question. Just my opinion.

You are correct Nicolette this would not be a good thing, he does know vaguely about my experiences.

 

[ms spock]

I live in a rather small community where people all know each other and also talk. I agree with Nicolette that potential dates do not need to know who (names) of ex partners, however, around here...quickly someone will fill me in. I have lived here so long and hope its not like this everywhere, do you think it is?

No it is not like that everywhere. But it could be good in some ways. But tough in other ways.

Because of being a small community, and I worked for 10 yrs with victims of domestic violence, I was very careful about dating anyone. If I went out with someone and (unknowingly)they had dated a client, it could be viewed very poorly. Its a delimma.

That is just so hard brat17. I wouldn't know what to do in that situation.

<extra quote removed by Nicolette as requested>

 

[ms spock]

Ah the complexities of it all!