How Can I Trust Again?

[jessicalynn]

A person who does not have PTSD, who is not a therapist or has vast knowledge of what PTSD is, cannot know what they let themselves in for. No matter how empathic a person is, it's not the same as having the symptoms and dealing with the practically 24/7.

Your man said yes to you probably because he was in love or does love you. But there is not a chance in hell he can feel what you feel, ever. That is not to say he won't make a good partner.

The thing that gets me is that he served in the military and has experience with pstd. He said he understood because he delt with it himself and had many friends who were dealing with it.

I guess i put him on a pedestal. I thought the world of him. I thought he was one of the best people that ever existed. Now i guess I feel like hes just a guy that thinks with his penis. I just wish he was different like I thought he was.

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[jessicalynn]

Fact of life is that we all have flaws. Our biggest flaw is the symptoms of PTSD. Even people without PTSD have flaws. I think in relationships it's all basically if we can accept the other persons' flaws to where we are happy and comfortable being with them.

I was happy and comfortable being with him. In fact it was the happiest and most comfortable I had ever been in my life. Too happy I guess. They say if it seems too good to be true it usually is. I guess this is that. Im so sad.

 

[cjf2010]

Now ask yourself if you could be happy and comfortable with him again, is the juice worth the squeeze.

 

[jessicalynn]

If he is lying about watching pornography how can you trust him? Its a lie. Pornography is also not as harmless as people think it is.

Thank you so much! I stary to feel like I'm the only person who feels this strongly about this topic. I start to feel lik maybe I'm more crazy than I though. It is comforting to know I;m not the only person who feels as strongly.

I am feel so hurt and betrayed. I really don't know what to do. I love him so much. I think that is why it hurts so bad. He is the only one who could hurt me this much and I'm just so afraid he'll do it again if i stay. But I don't want to leave. This is so hard.

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[jessicalynn]

Now ask yourself if you could be happy and comfortable with him again, is the juice worth the squeeze.

This is one of the questions I have been askin my self. Along with, can I ever have any amount of trust for him again? The answer to both is I want to but I really just dont know. I cant be in a relationship where I am always suspecting betrayal. It hurts too much.

I really want to get through this. I love him so much. We were so happy. We were just starting to build our life. On our way to getting a house together and trying to get pregnant. I crushed.

I believe the juice would be worth the squeeze. I just don't know if I have the strength to squeeze I guess.

 

[Smallhold]

Communication is the key to most everything. Is there any way possible to get through to him how much you detest him watching porn? And I do keep in mind that as a generalization, men might need more eroticism than women. Before you fall all over me, a generalization please. Testosterone is a tough one to battle.

With that in mind, is there a modus in which you could feel safe again? An agreement, perhaps a small change such as a porn filter on the computer?

Because you felt attracted to him for so many reasons. The temptation to give up and run away might be present but what'll it solve if you do not consider getting things straight?

Maybe you're too hurt and too tired now.

Unless you decide to stay alone forever, the next person might have similar desires. What would it take for you to feel you've done what you need to protect yourself?
Betrayal is such a terrible thing. Wonder how he convinced himself to step over your agreement not to watch porn. Natural desires that turned urge?

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[bethinhfx]

@JL: I am sorry that you are feeling hurt. I know what it feels like to let yourself trust someone and to love them; only to get and feel betrayed. My heart has been broken so many times. You let yourself trust; you hope...and then you get crushed. I am sorry that you feel that way. It sucks! Take care of yourself and YOUR feelings. They are important and when you have healed up a bit you might be in a better position to make a decision. Hugs!!!!

 

[jessicalynn]

If he didn't fully understand how much I don't like pornography before then he does now. I do believe he truly is sorry for hurting me that much. I can tell he feels horrible about it. I guess I don't know if that is enought to prevent him from doing it again

I do understand the whole testosterone thing. I have PCOS which means I have way higher testosterone levels than normal women. Which is another reason I don't understand why he did it. I am always in the mood. Maybe even more than him! So I don't understand why he didn't come to me? Unless he is secretly disgusted by my body, which is what I'm convinced of. Even though him and my therapist say that is rediculous.

That filter thing is a good idea. Can you suggest a good filter? I k ow nothing about thin stuff. At least that would make it so he can use the computer and i can get some sleep. Are they free? I don't have a lot of money to be spending. Thank you.