News Nearly 20% Of Women In Us Are Raped Or Suffer Attempted Rape In Their Life Time

[mamachick]

I don't doubt that it is that high, as so many are not reported. I was raped by my husband when I was about 20. We had seperated and he came back in the middle of the night. I was very resistant and the room got tore up and my 2 yr old came into the room. After that, I just didnt resist until I could leave him. There was no such thing as marital rape back then.

I was 45 when I dated a clever sociopath that drugged me during sex. I think that is rape but of course not something easily to prove. I wrote a long statement of details and gave it to a detective at the police dept., not so that anything would be done, but because of his position and the fact that someday I am sure someone else will come forth and I want it to be taken seriously.

 

[Srain]

Yes, it's rape Brat17, Date Rape, and good for you for having the presence of mind to fill out a report possibly allowing someone somewhere to catch this psycho! I'm sure it was an extremely difficult thing to do!

The physical violence is the only thing I would report since from the start I figured nobody would ever believe me about sexual assaults. The problem I ran into there was, "are you SURE you re going to go through with these charges, what about your child??" That began it for me. It was a small town and nobody could believe that "the quiet good guy" could beat me black and blue, but he had. So badly that once I had found the keys he thrown so I couldn't get away and screaming for help all night with nobody nearby bothering to come out to help me, I drove all the way into town and limped into the Sheriff's office and told them I wanted to press charges. Nobody beats me up! Especially after all I had been through at home. Even the good old boys were shocked at the size of the bruises on my back, chest, and legs. I was asked had I been drinking, like that would make it my fault! I told them I had been home all night, he had come home drunk. They huddled and again went over the court procedures looking skeptical, I was 18yrs old with a newborn baby, decided to finally let me go warning me to not waste their time if I'm not going to take it court so think about it.


I didn't go to court after he asked me where what happened to my back as I was changing and getting the baby's things together. He didn't even remember doing! I just left for awhile and after pressure from family and friends I returned but not before making plans to move out of state away from them all, I was pregnant again and I wasn't taking a chance of finding myself in a position without any help like that again.

After I finally left him he had the nerve to tell me that he never got as mad at his current wife as he did me...like it had all been my fault, I hung up. I knew it had never been my fault, but I couldn't win in that town and wanted to make sure if he hit me I could nail him. Domestic violence is not so cut and dry!

 

[mamachick]

Srain you are a survivor. That is horrible to have gone through. It is very disheartening to hear about the good ole boys that protect this behavior and make it difficult for victims. Yet Im sorry to say that I am glad I am not the only person you has experienced the mentality.

They dont remember it, they lay blame on victims for making them angry. I have even heard a female therapist blame the victims for "making them mad". If you were drinking it would not make a difference. Women often self medicate to tolerate the abuse. That is the worst question from law enforcement and others. Yet I know that when I have drank, I have been more inclined to stand up for myself in an abusive or controlling relationship. So if I would not have drank and cooperated with his needs, I would not be injured-right officer?

Im so sorry for what you have been through. All that happened is behind you, and you have removed yourself and children and are now safe and away from that abuse. Your safety and survival is most important. I know you are very strong after coming from that. Having to fight my way out has made me very tired though. I would love to have the energy I had before I had to expend it on survival.

Your children are blessed to have you as their mom. Hugs

 

[Srain]

As you know Brat17 that is rarely all of the story, I left it at that because it went into MY story off thread, but thank you for what you said. I wanted to point out the system and how it responds, the next time someone did that to me, I did not go to the authorities and I almost died.

I hadn't sought help for the abduction/rape because I thought I would get into trouble, I got reprimanded for domestic abuse, when I got out of it, I ended up a prime pick for another one, after nearly losing my life on that one and seeing how rapidly it can excel I left town and finally sought help for the domestic violence and childhood abuse. It stopped the cycle and I set up boundaries to help me in my relationships.

The system is still not set up to help women in fact it's starting to go backwards! They are in the process of "down grading" domestic depute to make room in jails!!! Topeka, Kansas wants to REPEAL the law that makes domestic violence illegal. Nice. They call it budget cuts but really??

Sorry, I'm off subject but I tend to see rape as violence as well.

 

[mamachick]

I know there is always more to the story, (unfortunatley), but know matter how long it takes or what we endure, we have ended up safe. My dv was back in the early 80's, and when I left him he stalked us for months or a year before he left town. A few years later, I married a very calm man, and was able to feel safe and grow and recover. However, I longed for a birthday card or a listening ear. After being very neglected 20 yrs, we seperated. Mr charming, (our marraige counselor) was the man that drugged me. Complicated but it was many times that he did this before I could put pieces of memory together before and after blackouts , and I could confront that Mr wonderful was a sociopath.

Then I dated the another that was harmful but not in sexual assualt. Then another that turned out to be very controlling. He never hit. He played with guns and threatened suicide a few times, put a gun to his and mine. When I asked him to leave, he called police and the officer assaulted me and said he was putting me in jail, after a joy ride I was taken to magistrate, where he got yelled at, then the group denied. After this, the bf felt horrible and I went back with him. He ended up forcing me to go with him to MD, where he was arrested after assaulting me, he had 3 guns and 2 knives in his possession.

I have a real hard time trusting men, as I should. I am sorry to say that as much as I would love companionship and feeling the committed love, I should probably plan on being single for the rest of my life because of the men that I chose.

 

[SkyDoony]

The fact that a lot of these cases are never reported are faults of the women involved as well. They love their partners too much. Sad, but very real.

 

[ericaboo]

It's great that they publish stories like this, but what good does it do? Even the justice system doesn't help much does it? Does reporting it or prosecuting it keep someone else from doing it? I'm unsure?

Not to say we shouldn't report - at all. I did, and I wouldn't change that.

I don't know what to say when people idly chat about it around the water cooler - how many are now going through a flashback because of that conversation?

Human Evolution needed - anytime now would be great... anyone up there listening?

 

[Darrell P.]

I faced attempted rape and sexual Assault, while serving in the military while in basic training and Garrison Unit, I reported both incidents and both were covered up by higher ranking officals to hep protect the military's tough image.

 

[mamachick]

I think that it goes unreported as well for self preservation.

"Srain,
I hadn't sought help for the abduction/rape because I thought I would get into trouble, I got reprimanded for domestic abuse, when I got out of it, I ended up a prime pick for another one,
The system is still not set up to help women in fact it's starting to go backwards!

When you seek help, you have a chance to get a cop that has issues with women in his own life and takes the opportunity to punish you, and he has a badge and a gun. When this happens, are you really going to ask for help if you get in a jam again because of your own picking.

There are cops that are angry for having to arrest the same abusers and think that punishing the women will deter them from choosing men like this. What it does is 'breaks' the victim sometimes.

This happened to me. So when the same bf told me that I was going out of state with him or my daughter and I would end up dead, I could not call the police. I tried to get my daughter to leave town for the holiday weekend but she would not go-I had not told her why. So I went out of town with this same bf. When he attacked me, someone else called the police and he was arrested with 3 loaded guns and 2 knives. He knew I would never call for help after what happened to me and he witnessed.

This did not involve any rape, just an explaination of one reason women have a hard time reporting abuse. The people that can help have little experience as to why women put up with it when the are told of the history. Its like your damned if you do, damned if you dont. We tend to let the first threat/aggressive act go either because we are promised it will never happen again, feel responsible in some way, or various reasons. By the time we ask for help-we are punished for it.

 

[Kimpersonal]

This is just my reaction to the stats on rape and the lack of justice:
Mankind is very sick. Womankind is very sick. What is the cure? How do we prevent? Can humans be vaccinated against becoming assholes to each other?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Can humans be vaccinated against becoming assholes to each other?

Unlikely, it's how over population is controlled. And it is sick. When I reported the police were dismissive and well, he didn't kill you did he? It was a very come back to us when you are a body attitude.

 

[mamachick]

Unlikely, it's how over population is controlled.

I think you might be right. At first read, I thought it as a joke, but there is a sad truth in this.