I Told Gran!

[Ice_Fire]

I have been working up to doing this for a bit, debating with myself whether I could face it, second guessing what her reaction would be...

I thought she either a) wouldn't believe me, b) trivialize it, or c) would hate me for telling her as she would have to live with knowing her son, my dad, did what he did.

However, she didn't react like that at all! She is finally beginning to understand how seeing my parents is horrendously triggering and that I'm feeling quite ill at the moment. She's taking me seriously!!!

It's such a massive relief to have finally done it :D

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'm so glad this went well for you.

 

[Red Feather]

Yay!!! So glad to hear this! ((((hugs))))

 

[Philippa]

That's awesome.

Maybe on some level she already knew it was happening, but just had no proof?

 

[Ice_Fire]

Maybe on some level she already knew it was happening, but just had no proof?

Possibly. I think that for as long as I covered it up, Gran could ignore it/ deny it. It feels like it's a relief for both of us for it to be out in the open at last

 

[Jen93]

Yay! I'm glad that went well for you.

 

[ericaboo]

That's so wonderful - I should have done that when I had the chance...

Great for you!

 

[maddog]

Possibly. I think that for as long as I covered it up, Gran could ignore it/ deny it. It feels like it's a relief for both of us for it to be out in the open at last

I think that one of the saddest things about keeping our secrecy, other than our own invalidation and suffering of course, is that it facilitates the denial of those who know and choose not to acknowledge. Just speaking generally Ice_Fire, and not in specific regard to your Gran, as I can't comment on whether she knew or not, but in general terms, people stay silent and pretend that this stuff doesn't exist, partly because we let them.

Child abuse is, as my T so often says, the "dark trauma". Nobody wants to know, because as long as they don't have to acknowledge, they don't have to act or to take a stand.

I absolutely applaud your strength Ice_Fire and am so glad that it seems to have been well received in this case. More power to you for your courage, and to your Gran for her acceptance and acknowledgement. Shame it wasn't the case in more families...

Maddog

 

[Ice_Fire]

Yes I think you're right there Maddog, and it is a shame that this kind of disclosure isn't well received in other families :(

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This calls for a celebration. Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cool:
This should help you alot in your healing process. Wishing you the very best. Doing a happy dance for you on my keyboard. WTG.

 

[Philippa]

I think what maddog said is really true.

It's a huge risk to take to tell someone, and the way your gran has responded is how it should be. Unfortunately, sometimes even if the person does tell family or friends, the desire to not want to rock the boat and get involved can be stronger than the desire to protect the child.

So glad it's worked out in this case. Your gran rocks.