Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Shellbell]

I often think about this and tell myself repeatedly that this is not true. But am I just in denial?

Is there a point in which there has been so much damage done by so many people and so many traumatic experiences, starting from birth, that it is not possible to fully heal and the best we can ever do is learn to live with the pain. Like people who have to learn to live with chronic physical pain.

I started off in this therapy journey hopeful, believing I would achieve healing, but the further I get into it and the more knowledge I aquire of trauma and therapy, the more I doubt it.

I don't want to be in denial about something that is key to my journey. I need to be aware of realistic outcomes and work towards that.

I am aware denial is not a good coping mechanism, so I am just in denial hoping for full healing and wholeness that can never be mine?

Does anyone else think this too?

 

[saffy]

Hi shellbell

Yes I think like this sometimes. That there doesn't seem to be anything that will work and that I must be broken. I do try to turn it into a positive all the time though, or it will just make me even worse.

I beleive that if something is 'manmade' and gets broken it can also get 'fixed'. Nobody can take the experience away, it did happen, but we can try to improve the way we think about it and how we can move forward from it.

I think sometime when I focus on the big goal of becoming better adjusted person it seems so far away and impossible to reach. But I also forget all the little steps I have made towards this. Just by setting myself short term realistiv acheivable goals I gradually see an improvement. I hope that makes sense.

There is so much different types of therapy out there and some of the concepts will work for somethings and not for others, much the same that some therapies will not work for some but others swear by it.

By finding one little thing at a time that makes me feel I have made progress, no matter how small an acheivement, it keeps me beleiving that it can happen, Ive proved it already. Somethings are more ingrained but I am heading towards getting to the nitty gritty of what is really happening and using different techniques to confront it. By gaining skills before hand it gives me strength to try more.

Denial is only oneside of our inner beliefs and if we cannot see improvement or change or things are not going how we would like it, we always tend to go with that side, infact some use it a lot as a coping mechanism. I believe it is a form of avoidance and I think this is only human in certain situations :)

The point is to never give up and feel a failure :)

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[p-no]

How do you define "healing" and "wholeness"?

 

[Shellbell]

Thank you Saffy, so much of what you have said makes so much sense.

Having realistic goals are really important, so we're not setting oursleves up for failure, which then causes more issues. I'm not good yet at accepting the limitations I now have compared to when the PTSD hit full force. I think acceptance is really hard and I'm still in denial about that I think too.

 

[Shellbell]

Prime-no, thank you for that question. I'm actually not sure what I now consider to be healed and whole anymore. I'm scared to think about it now, as I don't think I can achieve it.

A few months ago, I would have said letting go of all the pain and no longer carrying the guilt, shame, blame, disgust, lack of self worth etc that was never mine to carry. Forgiving myself, accepting my past as it was and moving on to find happiness and joy on a deep level and then having a normal life.

That all seems so incredibly naive now.

 

[saffy]

How do you define "healing" and "wholeness"?

mmmm I would say that healing is a process and wholeness is a individual feeling about oneself.

Saffy :)

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Shellbell,

I am in same boat as you're. But I can assure you, you're not in denial. To me, it sounds you're making efforts, your doubts are making you confused. You're making an effort, you're looking at its outcome. When it doesn't happen as you have wished, it will create doubt and will make you look at your input/your efforts. This is normal. I love one thing about you, you sound determined and want to reach there.:)

Hang in there, please.

I am also damaged physically and emotionally, I came to Yoga exercises. I never thought one day I will become so motivated and full of energies to yoga with passion and love. It has become more interesting to solve that frequent urination problem. Lately I am able to consume some warmth in body. Before today it used to go away due to some leakage. Sorry, I had to tell you this because there must be something upcoming in your path that will help you to go towards full healing.

If you're broken, then healing is possible too. Your efforts and wishes won't go in vain. I promise you. :)

:hug:

 

[Shellbell]

Thanks Jaret :hug:

I think it's an important thing for other people to have confidence in our strength and believe in us when we can't feel that for ourselves.

Don't be sorry about anything you tell me Jaret, I always really appreciate your thought and care in your replies.

I think I look too much towards the end goal of healing and have fear, panic and stress about that, instead of focussing on each day. And I guess whatever level of healing I achieve will be not be in vain and better than where I am right now.

 

[saffy]

Having realistic goals are really important

Hi Shellbell

If I broke down your posts, to me they say that you are trying to deal with denial, limitations, acceptance of others and self, fear of the unknown and of failure. That is a lot to deal with all at once hun. You see where I am going with this? ;)

I find by breaking it down as much as possible to set stages helps as I can focus and work on one thing at a time, enivitably sometimes by working on one it helps the other.

Best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[saffy]

Jaret you have made some really good points there and Shellbell your last post shows positivity which can only be agood thing :)

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[Tanishq]

I think it's an important thing for other people to have confidence in our strength and believe in us when we can't feel that for ourselves.

I call this thing as looking ourselves into mirror. It's great thing that we can do this. But it's only possible with those who really love us and mean support to us. They become total transparent and we can see where we have been falling behind. Sometimes we can become weak and others make us strength.

I love this when other confidence influence us and also make ourselves confident in our life. We all are together. :)

I think I look too much towards the end goal of healing and have fear, panic and stress about that, instead of focussing on each day.

Shellbell, I do the same. hehehe :p You're not alone in this friend!

Don't be sorry about anything you tell me Jaret, I always really appreciate your thought and care in your replies.

I was afraid to derail your thread by talking about me. Thank you for clarification. I am glad that my caring and supportive attitude has reached you. :)

:hug:

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Perhaps you are setting the bar too high so meeting your goals is impossible? I say this as I believe your belief that you need to forgive and feel nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch toward your abusers is a pie in the sky sort of goal that is unattainable. (Per the forgiveness thread).