Hello - Possible PTSD, Yet To Be Determined By Physician

[nathan]

hi everyone, my name is nathan. ive been reading through some of the posts and am so impressed by the strengh in this community, especially batgirl. i was just told by my doctor today that i most likely have ptsd although he wouldnt give me a concrete diagnosis. he started me on lamictal and hopefully i can get some counsiling very soon. i used to have epilepsy and it stopped about three years ago. unfortunately i started having other problems like emense stress and anxiety as well as developing new phobias as soon as i stopped taking the medications, which was ironically lamictal. i went about two years without seeing any doctors and without medication and was just barely making it. about two years ago my grandfather died of leukemia and then 5 months later my dad died suddenly. unfortunatly we were at odds and not talking to each other at the time (he was living in texas). i think his death is what put me over the edge because after that i couldnt be around large crowds or deal with stress at all. i lost most of my friends and only have little communication with the few remaining friends. sorry but this is as far as i can go today. thanks for reading.

 

[becvan]

Hi nathan.

Welcome to the forum. Take your time, there's no rush in sharing here.

bec

 

[ryair]

Hi Nathan!!
A big welcome to the forum!!! Feel free to ask as many questions as you like, the support here is enormous!! Its fantastic you have taken this important step, please know that we all understand how hard it is to first reach out.:thumbs-up
Im happy to read you have been looking through all the posts, the info available on this forum is so valuable.
Once again, WELCOME!!! I look forward to hearing more when you are ready.
Ryair:smile:

 

[batgirl]

hi everyone, my name is nathan. ive been reading through some of the posts and am so impressed by the strengh in this community, especially batgirl.

Omigosh well it's probably a good thing I have such a low self-esteem right now, else I might be getting a swelled head! :tongue: Seriously though, thank you Nathan, I am very humbled by your words. Bec is right, you don't need to jump in immediately, you can read, hang out, whatever you want really. I actually was reading on here in the public areas for about a month before I even joined the forum. It took me that long to have the courage to say anything. Sorry about all the recent deaths in your family, I can definitely relate. Welcome, take care, and I hope you enjoy your time here on the forum as much as I have.

 

[nathan]

thanks so much for the warm welcome! i think i will probably just hang around and get comfortable before i really dive into my past. one question i do have is, is ptsd permanant? my doctor was incredibly vague today so im still confused about quite a few things. also, a few times in the past couple of months ive been jarred awake by a blinding light or an extremely loud horn sound. is this maybe something that is related to ptsd, or is it something else i should have checked out. thanks so much.

take care,
nate

 

[becvan]

Yes, PTSD is incurable; however it is manageable. Also for the noise, that could just be a dream, night terror, flashback etc.. Any number of things. I get woken from loud bangs all the time.. it's just a dream/terror for me. Everyone is different though. If your concerned it's something else I recommend you speak to your doctor about it.

bec

 

[wildfirewildone]

:thumbs-up Welcome to our caring community!!!! ....PEACE FOR THE PLANET

 

[anthony]

Hi Nathan, welcome to the forum.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Hi Nathan,

Welcome!!!!!!!!

Wendy

 

[brainless_twit]

Welcome, Nathan. I'm new here as well, but so far I have received a warm welcome and I feel comfortable posting here. Kudos to you for recognizing that you needed help and getting to a doctor - sometimes that's the hardest part.

 

[nathan]

hi, everyone! thank you once again for the kind words, they mean the world to me. good news, i start counseling next tuesday. the weird thing is, is im actually looking forward to it as im sick of feeling fried all of the time. i also feel like im stuffed with repressed emotions, so itll be good to let out some steam.
i was talking with my mom last night about what might have caused all of this and we both came to the conclusion that it was probably alot of different things over the course of my life. the earliest traumatic memory i have is when i was about 5. my parents went through a pretty violent divorce. my mom and i were spending the day with some friends and there family, and my father decided to come over and that he was going to kill my mom. we were all in the kitchen and i was playing with a friend underneath the table. my dad walks in and starts beating my mom over the head with his fists, kinda like gorilla style. there was no warning at all. then he decides hes gonna break her neck, so he puts his hands around her head and just stays in the threatening position while everyone, including my mom, tries to talk him out of it. meanwhile im under the table with my friend, both of us crying and screaming for him to stop, i remember pleading with him and feeling totally desperate and helpless, and thats pretty much all i remember. somehow my mom talked him out of it and he loosened his grip enough so that she could get out of it and away from him. from what my mom said he went on the run for a while. that was the last time i saw him until i was 11. i remember being so scared that i was shocked and everything seemed unreal. the thing that pisses me off is that my dad planned it, and he didnt care that i was there. he was going to have his revenge whether it ruined my life or not.
a few months after the divorce my mom started seeing this new guy named bill. he was pretty aggresive and would yell at me alot. my mom got pregnant and things started getting overly stressful. bill started slapping me around as a result, though it wasent as bad at this point. when my brother was born we all moved to florida and this is when things got horrible. bill started beating the hell out of me. i remember coming home after spending the night at a friends house with my clothes stuffed in a bag. when bill saw that he smacked the living hell out of me across my room and on to my bed. this wasent just smacking, this was more like open handed hitting. i remember looking at him while he was hitting me and seeing this pale blank expression on his face, like he simply wasent there anymore. i remember feeling humiliated afterwards. bill would come up to me after and tell me he was so sorry and that he was going to hell. i would feel guilty for hating him and then id tell him it was alright and that it wasent his fault. then hed usually make me hug him. this kind of thing was pretty frequent, like a couple times a week for about 4 years.
well, thats all i have in me for today. once again thanks so much for the support!

take care,
nate

 

[anthony]

Nate, excellent to get this out of you, and you will see the benefits when you begin looking deeper inside. It works, and your on the right path mate. Keep up the great work and simply being honest with yourself about how your trauma made / makes you feel. Well done...